


21 Guns

by Shazkowalski



Series: Nothing's Ever Built to Last [1]
Category: Homeland
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-07-08 16:57:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 75,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15934610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shazkowalski/pseuds/Shazkowalski
Summary: Season Five hasn't happened (and it may not quite the way we know it in this World)Set after Season Four- Quinn has headed off with Black Ops- mission after mission in the depths of Syria are enough to break a man- and if it doesn't kill him emotionally it may well do physically.Meanwhile Carrie is at home, lost in regret for what might have been and feeling lost and alone. Can Saul convince her that he is still there for her and what can they do to make sure Quinn makes it home safely?Multi Chapter Story!****Chapter Thirty added 12th January!!****This story is now complete!!





	1. Do You Know What's Worth Fighting For?

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from the Greenday Song- it is on my running play list and when I heard it last week it just made me think of Quinn and his jumble of emotions. For someone that kills for a living he has such strong values and morality.
> 
> I absolutely loved season four- IMO the best season and I am a latecomer to Homeland having literally watched the entire first six seasons back to back on Netflix.
> 
> So this is my take on what happens next- Quinn has headed off and Carrie is left feeling betrayed by Saul and without her usual shoulder to lean on. 
> 
> I found it sad in season five how Saul and Carrie were barely even talking, I have given him a bit more of the benefit of the doubt in my little world.......
> 
> I can't wait to hear your comments- but please be gentle with me!!
> 
> Oh yes and in case you couldn't tell- I am a Brit so I may slip into some English slang at times so please forgive me!!

Twenty-One Guns

 

Shots bounced off the bricks, creating debris with every strike, blazes of light tore through the night sky as the rounds continued to be released on them. Chunks of concrete struck the men hunkered down beneath. A bound man held between two soldiers dressed head to toe in black- M4s clutched in their arms as they dodged the bullets heading at them from all directions. 

The experienced team crawled one by one, the prisoner strategically placed to prevent him running or the IS troops from killing him to prevent him from talking. 

“Can you do it?” the bearded man whispered to his colleague.

“You better hope I can” the softly spoken soldier replied as he moved forward, keeping his tall frame low and moved passed the rest of the team towards the doorway of the old barn. He took a breath as he reached into his webbing, pulling out the meagre supplies he had to work with. He barely flinched as a bullet struck the wall over his head, feeling a bullet whizz past his face in response, knowing that his team mate had hit their target he concentrated on his task at hand. 

He laid on his belly, hands extended in front of him, he connected the wire- pulling at the flex with his teeth his dextrous hands working quickly to twist the ends together. 

He placed the newly formed device beside him, in easy reach and shuffled forward, right leg bent at the knee to strengthen his position, sniper rested on the ground in front of him. He acquired his sight picture and took a deep steadying breath, zoning out into his own world of focus as he steadied himself. This one shot could change everything, he inhaled, he exhaled and his finger squeezed the trigger.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Carrie Mathison sighed as she flicked through the papers on her desk. She was settled, she was living with her sister and her family along with her young daughter and things were going ok. For the first time in many years she wasn’t seeking danger and adventure, she was concentrating on her family and raising her daughter. 

The fact she still working for the Central Intelligence Agency was something that for the first time in her life she wasn’t proud of. She knew that there were many games between different agencies in different countries- but she didn’t understand the latest twist. Setting free someone that was responsible for mass murders and an attack on their own embassy, that was messing with her head. She didn’t even know where to start with that one. 

Her most pressing concern at that moment was the whereabouts of the one person that she knew she could truly rely on no matter what. The one person who had put her welfare and safety ahead of his own time and time again and now she was terrified it had got him killed. She sighed as she looked through the log for the previous 24 hours, looking for clues of a Black Ops deployment, anything to suggest he was safe, anything at all.   
Nothing- yet again absolutely nothing to show where he could be. Nowhere to even start looking. She knew his deployment had been Syria- sure she didn’t trust Dar Adal as far as she could throw him, but all the whispers of high profile targets had pointed in that direction. 

She could kick herself- why did she yet again have to be so impulsive? Taking off and driving to Missouri, leaving him hanging when he had literally spilt his heart to her. 

He had gone through hell in Islamabad- the entire posting taking more from him than she had ever known- yet she had kept on pushing. Pushing him to the point of no return- the point where he went by himself to seek retribution for all of their loss. She still had no idea how he had even gotten out of the country and back to US in one piece, what he must have gone through to get back and what was the first thing he chose to do? Come to her father’s funeral to support her. 

She didn’t deserve his friendship, didn’t deserve the love that he had shown towards her at such a huge cost to himself time and time again. She had let him down, she knew that and now she was worried she would never get the chance to repair the damage she had done.

She had no intention of staying at the agency any longer than she had to, but for now it was her last remaining connection to the man that she owed so much to. 

She looked up as Saul walked across the floor, she would never trust him again like she used to. When they had all sat around the patio furniture at her father’s funeral she had been the most relaxed she had felt in years- literally feeling like everybody she loved was around her. Only a few short days later all of that all been shattered and Quinn was gone, back to a warzone. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Saul sighed to himself as he saw Carrie watching him. He knew he had hurt her, he also knew that she didn’t understand, wasn’t seeing the bigger picture. Haqqani would come- sooner or later they would take him out, but they had to get what they could from him before that moment came. 

Dar had already told him that she was visiting him once a week begging, demanding and threatening him for any and all information on Peter Quinn and his current whereabouts- information that Dar did not trust her enough to share. She was irrational and impulsive, and although she got results- she could not be let in on this. There was too much at stake- including Quinn’s life and the rest of the Black Ops team. 

He took a breath and walked over to her desk, perched on the edge and waited for her to actually look at him. 

“How are you?” he asked her softly.

“How do you think Saul?” she responded, the bitterness edging into her voice despite her attempts to control it. 

“You need to think about it Carrie- remove yourself and really think about the possible value” he told her, his tone quiet as he looked around to make sure nobody was listening or close enough to hear. 

“Possible value? Tell that to Fara’s family!” Carrie replied, she took a breath, she knew how it worked she really did, but this one this was personal. “And what about Quinn’s value?” she queried, knowing it was a low blow. Saul winced, he thought a lot of Quinn ever since they had all worked together on the Brody case and he knew that the two younger agents had grown close- that had been obvious at the funeral. 

“Carrie you know Peter was in this line of work long before he met you- he has been all over the World in situations that me and you can only imagine and he survived and made his way home- you know that” Saul attempted to reassure her. 

“And every single one killed a piece of him” Carrie snapped back, her eyes welling up with tears. Saul paused, he genuinely didn’t know what had gone on between the two of them, but it was obvious that something had, and he understood what Carrie meant. Peter Quinn was a good man- sure he killed people by trade, but only for the right reasons- he always stood up for what was right and loss weighed heavily on the assassin. The man was a contradiction, but he was also dam good at what he did. 

“Peter is alive Carrie” Saul stated softly, willing to offer her any comfort that he could. She blinked back tears at his words, comforted, reassured and joyous that he was alive.

“Oh thank god” she whispered, wiping her eyes. “Where is he Saul?” she asked him, and it broke his heart that there was no way that he could tell her.

 

End Chapter One


	2. When it's not Worth Dying For.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your reviews so far- I am so thrilled that people are actually reading this!!

Chapter Two

The shot hit true, the sniper going down as the bullet ripped through his skull. The American operative didn’t hesitate as soon as the bullet had left the chamber of his own gun he was up and moving, device in hand he moved to the position of his prey. The IS soldier slumped over against his own sniper, He moved past quickly, blending into the shadows he moved towards the edge of the expanse of boulders that sheltered the main threat of their enemy. He fixed the device to the outside of the nearest outcrop before moving round to repeat the process on the other side. His movements smooth and quick so he was unheard. As soon as he was satisfied with the placements he moved backwards, knowing he would be pushing his luck to get back to the rest of the team at the barn.

He shimmied along the tree line, staying low and looking around- alert to any enemy presence. He made it to a stone wall, not as far away as he would have liked and not as thick as he would have liked, but it would have to do. With a silent prayer to whichever god was willing to listen he pressed the small trigger button he clutched in his hand, folding himself down into a ball to protect everything vital as much as he could and hoping for the best- just as his explosion went off and he was blasted backwards the World turning to darkness. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“Why on Earth did you tell her anything at all?” Dar raged at his long term friend. Saul sighed, he knew it would frustrate the other man- he had issues with Carrie- most of which Saul suspected were due to jealousy of the relationship she had with Quin.

“She needed to know Dar” he said simply.

“Why? So she can try to interfere? Try to make contact with him? You have jeopardised everything that they have worked for Saul” Dar stated angrily. 

“She is more likely to interfere if she is kept in the dark” Saul attempted to reason. “She may be able to help” he added with a shrug. “Hell I might be able to help if you would let me”

“You don’t believe that Saul- she is a liability” Dar sighed as he sat down at the desk. He rubbed his hands over his face tiredly- he was worried, Peter Quinn meant a lot to him- sure people doubted his intentions, but he had always invested time and energy in ensuring Peter’s safety, despite the environments and conditions he deployed him to. 

“Only if you let her be” Saul replied, looking the other man in the eye. “Quinn is still alive isn’t he?” he asked in concern.

“I don’t know Saul- we lost all contact yesterday afternoon” Dar admitted sadly, Saul leant forward head in his hands and thought for a second.

“We both know that this means nothing- comms have always been intermittent in these environments, you would have heard on the grapevine by now if something had happened” he reasoned. 

“I hope to god you are right Saul I really do” 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Carrie Mathison’s mind was in turmoil- in many ways she felt as though a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Quinn was alive. She thanked every god she could think of that he was alive, and prayed that he would stay that way. 

She wished she knew where he was- she knew in her head that it would make no difference, it wasn’t as if she could just call him up for a chat- but she would just feel more settled knowing. Her heart was screaming for her to get on any plane she could lay her hands on and fly straight out to Syria- but where would she even start anyway? And if it was so dangerous for a group of highly rained specialist black ops agents then what chance would she have?

She knew that Quinn was more than capable of taking care of himself- she had seen him in action many times. It was him that had saved all those people at the embassy in Islamabad- with just one green marine, armed just with his side arm he had taken out Haqqani’s troops and winged the man himself. He would have succeeded in blowing the man up if it hadn’t been for her intervention- such was his skill. 

She also knew how he operated- he was calm and focussed, not distracted easily and that was part of his strength and the biggest reason why she knew it would be pointless attempting to convince him to come home. Even if she could- she knew that what he was doing was important, otherwise he wouldn’t be doing it. 

She ran her hand through her hair and got to her feet- time to suck it up and be pleasant to a man that she could barely abide. She walked across to Saul’s office, knowing that both senior agents were in there, she knocked before walking in. 

The minute she stepped through the door she sensed the atmosphere and immediately knew that something was wrong. 

“What’s happened?” she asked, her stomach churning as she knew that it had to involve Quinn.

“Nothing has happened Carrie” Saul stated with a sigh, and seeing her immediate look of disbelief he continued. “Carrie I swear nothing has happened” he reinforced. She looked from one man to the other before speaking.

“Look I know you don’t trust me, don’t want me involved but I have a vested interest in making sure whatever this is is a success. I want Quinn home safely as much as you do- you know that. I also know that whatever he is working on, wherever he is must be important to the agency and to the US- so I want to help” she stated, taking both of the older operatives by complete surprise. Dar had fully expected her to be demanding to be shipped out to wherever they were, or for her to be hacking the radio channels for any way of making contact. 

“That’s noted Miss Mathison” was all that he managed to say before he got up and left the office, he needed an update and it was almost time to check in with the Damascus office, almost sure already of what the information would be. 

“Well that’s an interesting development” Saul commented looking at her in confusion.

“It’s true Saul- me running around all guns blazing will put Quinn in more danger than he is already in. He made his decision to go there and I need to respect that- it doesn’t mean I can’t help in whatever it is” she replied, and he could tell she was sincere. He nodded in acknowledgement, hoping that Dar would also agree- the way things were going they may need all the help that they could get. 

“Wait and see” was all he stated.

“What was the update?" She asked as she sat down, tucking her hair behind her ear. Saul hesitated not wanting to tell her, but knowing he was already on shaky ground with her and finally finding their way back to a semblance of a friendship he had to be honest. Carrie sensed his hesitation, and wondered which way this was going to go- almost surprised when he started talking.

“Dar has lost contact with Quinn’s team” he simply said.

“Since when? Carrie asked, her concern evident in her voice.

“Yesterday afternoon” Saul disclosed. Carrie exhaled as she leant back, anything could happen in 24 hours, anything or nothing at all- it all depended on what they had been embroiled in at the point of going dark. 

“What are the circumstances?” she asked, keen for any information he could offer.

“I haven’t been read in yet” Saul admitted softly. Carrie sighed feeling no further forward. She nodded.

“I need to get home to Frannie- can you update me if you hear anything?” she asked gently, hoping she still meant enough to her former mentor that he would help her.

“As soon as I hear” he promised. She nodded, got to her feet and left without looking back- tears in her eyes she made her way out of the building and home to her family- seeking comfort in the safety and love of her home life.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“Still no word?” Maggie asked her sister as she walked through the door. She had only met Peter Quinn on one occasion- but the handsome, softly spoken man had made an impression on her. Carrie blinked back tears at the question- her sister immediately noticing and opening her arms to the blonde woman and pulling her into a much needed hug. 

“Saul has told me he is alive” Carrie told her through her tears.

“That’s great news!” Maggie exclaimed relieved, but something in Carrie’s posture and expression didn’t quite tally with that.

“But they have lost contact with his group yesterday” Carrie added as she sat down at the kitchen bench. Maggie sucked her breath in through her teeth, knowing what that could mean. 

“Don’t jump to conclusions” she warned gently. “He may be just fine”

“And he might not be” Carrie argued.

“Do you know where he is?” Maggie asked as she handed her sister a glass of wine. 

“No- I am hoping Saul will read me in tomorrow” Carried replied with a sigh, taking a grateful sip of the wine. 

“I know you won’t be able to tell me anything- but I am here if you need me” Maggie attempted to reassure her. She found it frustrating to say the least that she could rarely share the burden with her sister- everything she was involved in was classified, and highly so due to the complexity and risk her work carried. 

“Thank you” Carrie replied and she meant it- she truly didn’t know where she would be if it wasn’t for her sister. “Is Frannie napping?” she asked softly.

“Yeh- she was exhausted the poor thing, but desperate to show you her new drawing” Maggie replied with a smile, anything to lighten the tone. Carrie smiled in response, how she could ever have thought of giving her daughter away she had no idea, the little human being had come to mean the world to her and she would fight to the death to keep it that way. Just like she would for Quinn, she just needed to be given the chance. 

End Chapter Two


	3. Does it Take Your Breath Away?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carrie finally gets her way and is read in on Quinn's mission- well as much as Dar will allow anyway!
> 
> Now its all hands on deck to work out how to get the team home safely!
> 
> Please review!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the Kudos and reviews to date- it means a lot!  
> Please keep it coming x

Chapter Three

Carrie barely slept that night- every time she closed her eyes her mind was filled with visions and memories- she just couldn’t stand not knowing what was happening. She just knew that he was alive, she felt it deep within her. She was certain that if the worst would happen she would know- she would feel it. 

She rubbed her hands over her face- knowing that she must look as shocking as she felt she rolled out of bed. Brushed her teeth and tied her hair back before pulling on her jogging bottoms and t-shirt. If she couldn’t sleep she may as well run- she always did her best thinking when she hit the road and it would be hours before the rest of the house woke up. 

 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

 

“Ah shit man shit” the soldier cursed as he finally found his team mate unconscious and covered in debris against a partially demolished wall. He tapped the side of the other man’s face twice to attempt to bring him round. “Quinn! Hey Quinn! Wake up man” he urged and when the other man remained as still as death he wrapped his arms around his waist and hauled him over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry and moved as quickly as he could back to the limited protection of the barn. 

Once behind the sturdy walls he gently eased the other man down to the ground. He gestured to the other team members to collect up the ammo and arms that were still discarded where their colleague had fallen. 

The team leader carefully laid his long term colleague down on the ground, surveying the damage to his clearly injured body. Rob had known Peter Quinn for the last ten years- the younger man had travelled the world as part of the group and was the most trusted member of the Black Ops team- Rob considered him his go to man and couldn’t imagine a mission like this without him. It had been him that had persuaded the other agent to even travel on this op, and he couldn’t help the sliver of guilt that ran through him at that thought. His hands carefully skimmed the slim frame of his friend, unsurprised when his fingers came back sticky with blood. He sighed to himself and moved to his friend’s face- instantly noticing the bruising and blood already apparent on the pale face. He got to his feet and moved quickly to get the team medic, they didn’t have much time before they had to move out and his friend needed help quickly if he was going to be fit to be transported.

“He needs a hospital” the field medic stated almost instantly, his face set in a grim line as he looked at the injured operative. 

“I know that Callum, just do the best you can with what you have got” Rob instructed with impatience. Quinn’s best hope was for them to get moving and fast- the more distance they put between themselves and the IS troops, that were bound to be heading towards them, the better. They had to get their captive out of the country or this would all have been for nothing- and he knew from experience that would make Quinn even madder than the current damage to his body. The medic nodded and pulled supplies from his pack as he tended to the injured man.

“How are you going to move him?” the larger man asked as he applied pressure to the most pressing wound on Quinn’s ribcage- the pain finally dragging the agent through the fog and back into consciousness. He groaned and jerked away as the ministrations caused shockwaves of pain to run through him.

“Hey Douche bag- wake up” Rob yelled, tapping his friend’s face gently. Quinn blinked, the familiar voice bringing him through the remainder of the haze.

“Rob?” he queried, bringing huge relief to the team leader that he at least recognised who he was.

“Yeh it’s me Peter- you back with us?” he asked, squatting down beside his friend. Quinn dragged himself into a sitting position with a grunt- biting through his lip so hard that he drew blood. 

“Did it work?” he asked, resting his head against the wall behind him and closing his eyes as his head pounded.

“Did it ever! You took out most of their group man, and Liam got the rest” Rob told him, a hint of pride in his voice as he squeezed his friend’s shoulder.

“Worth it then” Quinn whispered, not opening his eyes. “When are we moving out?” he asked, already dreading the answer.

“Just as soon as Callum here gets you patched up enough” Rob replied, nodding at the medic to continue. “You think you can walk?” he asked Quinn taking in his pale face and shaking hands.

“I guess we will soon find out won’t we?” Quinn responded, ignoring the pain that the medic was bringing with every movement. Rob chuckled, Peter never changed- and he was damn glad of it.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

 

“Sir! Sir we might have something, you need to come and see this” the analyst hollered over the stair rail at Dar Adal. Dar looked up, and with no hesitation he was heading up the stairs, knowing instantly what it would be about. 

“What is it?” He queried as he stepped through the door into the room, displays lining one wall as Analysts typed into their keyboards.

“Activity in Raqqa captured by drone, you might find it interesting” Saul commented as he stepped forward from the corner of the room. 

“Show me” he instructed as he moved closer to the screen- his eyes fixed on the images in front of him. He flinched as he saw the small dots hunkering behind the wall, and the fire trails of bullets heading straight at them. A few moments passed before the screen was full of light as an explosion clearly, he smiled to himself recognising his protégé’s work.

“Does the location fit with where they would be?” Saul queried softly. 

“What’s the talk on the radios?” Dar asked, ignoring the question. 

“Not much” Scott replied as he observed the transcripts. “Some chatter about the US- but that’s the norm, although there is now a lot of movement towards Raqqa”

“They have their target” Dar stated simply. “They picked him up three days ago” he added. Saul sighed, and gestured at Dar to follow him from the room.

“Where is the extraction point?” Saul asked.

“There isn’t one Saul- you know how this works” Dar responded leaning against the wall.

“They are compromised Dar- there must be a fallback?” Saul demanded, as worried for the men as Dar was- but not as used to these kinds of operations.

“Have faith Saul- they will get themselves out” Dar reassured his friend, tapping him gently on the arm and heading back into the Ops room. 

Saul sighed- used to Dar and his ways, these Black Ops boys were all absolutely crazy, but he couldn’t help but fear for the young man that he now considered a friend- with no deliberate effort Peter Quinn had made himself one of Saul’s most trusted and dependable colleagues, and there was no way he was going to stand back and let him die.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“What have I missed?” Carrie asked as she handed Saul a coffee- knowing that the senior agent would have an update for her.

“We think we have found them Carrie” he stated, “but you are not going to like it” he warned her.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

An hour later and they were all in the Ops room and Carrie was watching the footage herself, her face set in a serious expression as she could only imagine the state that her best friend was currently in. 

“Have they confirmed anything?” She asked when they lost the picture due to the drone moving on. 

“No- but this is Raqqa- why would they? Radio messages between groups of troops is telling us that our guys won this battle, they have called for reinforcements and run to the hills” Scott Ryan told her with a grimace.

“Is the drone still over that area?” she asked, hoping for any snippet of information.

“It is, but nothing of use is currently being transmitted” 

“And how were they briefed to get out?” Carrie asked, her attention now directed fully at Dar.

“They weren’t- they have their own contacts to utilise” he responded, his tone making it clear that his tolerance was waning.

“Yes but what country are they supposed to get out via?” Carrie clarified. 

“The plan had been Iraq” Dar conceded. “Although with where they are heading Turkey might be more useful” he stated with a smile.

“Is it worth making contact with Istanbul? I would offer to do it, but I am not sure how much weight I would carry after everything” she stated with a loose shrug, knowing that her reputation proceeded her after she had stepped down from the posting at the last minute. 

“I’ll make the call” Scott offered scurrying away to the side.

“How have we maintained contact with them so far?” Carrie asked.

“Sat phone and radio- but they will be in a dark zone” Dar explained, his own worries brimming to the surface.

“Who is the target?” Carrie asked.

“That’s beyond your paygrade Carrie” Dar replied simply, moving away.

“I’m surprised he gave you that much” Saul stated to her softly when Dar was out of earshot.

“You and me both” she agreed with a small grin. 

“Well you haven’t booked a cab to the airport or jumped on a plane yet so I assume you are sticking to your word?” Saul teased her in an attempt to distract her.

“I am more use to Quinn here than I would be chasing shadows” she stated with a sigh. “Although no promises I won’t be straight on that plane the minute they have been extracted” she added and somehow Saul knew she was meant it.

End Chapter Three


	4. You Feel Yourself Suffocating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simply Quinn and the team in this one!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your lovely reviews!!
> 
> This chapter is pure special ops Quinn- well a slightly battered version of special ops Quinn anyway!
> 
> A bit of a longer chapter- I would really appreciate any reviews or thoughts so please keep the comments coming.
> 
> I am loving writing this story- a great excuse to rewatch season four......

Chapter Four

“This is going to hurt” Callum warned his friend softly.

“Just do it” Quinn stated through gritted teeth. The young medic winced on behalf of his injured friend as he took hold of the man’s calf. He nodded at the team leader. 

“You need to hold him, and tight” he instructed.

“A three year old girl could hold Quinn down” Rob stated with a grin. Quinn rolled his eyes, knowing full well that his team leader was attempting to get him to bite, he lacked the energy so settled for closing his eyes and taking deep steadying breaths. Callum nodded at Rob whilst Quinn was distracted and in one swift motion he had hold of the man’s calf and was pulling with a twist watching as the knee shifted back into place.

“Holy Shit” Quinn exclaimed as he bit down to avoid screaming out and blinked furiously to clear the stars that clouded his vision. 

“Just breath Peter” Callum instructed softly, noting the pallor of the injured man and praying that the man didn’t pass out. 

“I’m ok” he stated, his body language making it obvious he was anything but.

“Sure you are Quinn” Rob muttered with a shake of the head. “Finish up- we move in out in fifteen” he added, moving away to gather the rest of the team.

“What’s the damage?” Quinn asked the medic when Rob was out of earshot.

“Dislocated knee- well it was, fairly nasty tear to the quad, couple of broken ribs, gash to the side which hopefully the stitches should hold together, and a mother of all concussions that I am pretty sure you can more than feel. Not to mention lots of beautiful bruises. All in all you are a complete mess man- but you should live” the medic finished as he applied field stitches and dressings to the worst of the wounds. 

Quinn smiled slightly at the description- it was still worth it, they had taken out more than thirty I.S members in one hit- that had to hurt them. He had to admit he wasn’t looking forward to the next few days- best case scenario it was at least three days of walking through rough terrain in high temperatures in the hope of hopping across the Turkish border and taking refuge at a safe house whilst they awaited their next instruction. Worst case scenario his wounds would get infected and he would slowly burn to death from the inside in, whilst also slowing his team down and putting them at risk. 

He shook his head to clear in thoughts and swallowed back on the nausea that the action caused.

“You gonna be ok?” the medic asked him, his voice barely above a whisper.

“I’ll be fine- I always am” Quinn replied with a grimace, holding his hand out to the big man for him to drag him to his feet. When he was upright he took a moment, leaning against the medic completely against his will as he attempted to get his balance, the World tipping dangerously in front of his very eyes.

“Steady man- take deep breaths” the medic instructed gently, holding the man upright as he gathered himself together. Quinn gulped, he felt sick and his head was swimming- his body on fire as his injuries made themselves known. 

“Let’s go” Quinn stated as he pushed himself away and stood under his own steam, bergen on his back and rifle over his shoulder. 

Within minutes the group were out of the barn and yomping across the uneven ground. Rob took point- making sure he kept his pace slower than normal to allow for his injured team mate to maintain pace. 

Quinn took as deep a breath as his battered torso would allow and concentrated on placing one foot in front of the other, each step an effort and he was paying his surroundings no attention, simply trusting his friends to look out for all of them. All they had to do was get to the border, and pray that their contacts would come good and help them to safety.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Hours passed as the team moved through the dangerous territory, taking cover in trees and sheltering from the blazing sun, finally as the sun started setting in the sky the team moved into an outcrop and deeper into the woods to rest. 

Quinn leaned against a tree, swallowing furiously to fight off the nausea. He had no concept of how long they had been moving, he had drunk water as the medic had handed it to him, but he hadn’t dared to eat any of the ration packs- he knew his stomach would rebel. He closed his eyes as he took a sip of water, his injured leg was throbbing and the rest of him was a mass of bruises. He knew his eyes must look massive as the concussion was winning.

“You should eat something” Rob stated as he sat down beside him, his watchful eyes surveying their surroundings. Quinn opened his eyes slightly to glare at the smaller man. Rob chuckled in reply. “Feel like shit hey?” he asked, deliberately stating the obvious. 

“I’m fine” Quinn whispered. 

“Just hang in there man, we’ll make some more ground tomorrow and then hopefully be able to risk the sat phone” Rob commented.

“Don’t make any risks on my account” Quinn stated, now fully alert. Rob sighed and went to speak. “I mean it man- we use it when it’s safe to do so and not before- I can manage” he argued, the most words he had uttered in days. Rob sighed before nodding in agreement. 

“You got it” he stated as he moved to check on the deployments of the rest of the group. Quinn watched him leave, he hated that he was slowing the team down- putting them at risk by his own weakness. He knew how it worked in the team- there was no way they would leave him, so he had to make sure he kept up- just bit through the pain and kept moving. He took another small sip of water- knowing that it was nowhere near enough for what he was putting his body through, leaning back once more he closed his eyes and waited for sleep to claim him, M4 gripped tightly in his hands. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Sunrise came all too soon for the injured operative, a night sleeping on dark, cold ground with his back pressed against a tree had done him no good whatsoever, and somehow he felt even worse than he had the night before. He groaned as he attempted to get to his feet, a hand hooking up under his arm to steady him. He closed his eyes to gain control of his breathing, before looking up to see who had come to his assistance. He locked eyes with the team medic.

“Thanks” he stated, his breath finally calming. 

“You should sit down Peter, I need to check those dressings” Callum stated, still holding on to the other man’s elbow.

“And you couldn’t have said that before I made it up?” Peter stated with a grimace. Callum chuckled despite himself and helped the other man back to the floor. 

“You know you shouldn’t even be moving with that head injury” the medic stated. Quinn rolled his eyes- or at least tried to. “At least the stitches have held up” he commented, checking the dressings. “We need to make sure that no infection gets a chance to settle in Peter- take these” he instructed and handed the other man a handful of pills. Peter didn’t even question as he dry swallowed the pills and flinched as an injection made it’s way into his hip. “You need to eat and drink whilst that takes effect- Rob says we move out in twenty” the medic informed him as he handed him a ration pack and his canteen of water. 

Quinn popped the tin and watched as it heated up- he had no appetite whatsoever- yet he also had no desire for the antibiotics to make him nauseous due to his empty stomach so he forced down a few forkfuls of food and a quarter of the water. He knew he needed to gather himself together, focus on the task at hand and get moving, or they would all be at risk. 

“You good?” Rob asked as he held out his hand to help the other man up. Peter accepted the offer and allowed his friend to gently haul him to his feet. He checked the clip in his sidearm- rechecked his M4 and looked up.

“Good to go” he stated, his blue eyes filled with steely determination as the group moved out. 

 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Quinn had mustered himself together and was making good progress- the strong painkillers numbing him enough he could at least walk slowly, although god knows what further damage he was doing to his injured body in the process- it was a necessary evil. He could hear his own breathing as he struggled to maintain the effort- but he knew he couldn’t slow down. 

He focussed on the men in front of him, knowing they would guide him right. Luckily he was concentrating, otherwise he may have missed Rob raising his right hand and dropping to his knee. The rest of the group copied, Quinn knelt out of habit despite the shockwaves of pain it sent through his injured knee. He just managed to avoid crying out, although he felt his eyes welling with tears. He couldn’t even think of the pain as he gripped his rifle tightly surveying the surroundings carefully- squinting against the burning sun. Carefully the group raised to their feet and moved into the protection of the woods.

“What is it?” Quinn whispered to Rob once they were in the bushes.

“A glint in the sunlight- possibly a sniper sight” Rob stated pointed into the distance. Quinn reached into his vest and pulled out his own scope- looking through it in the general direction Rob was pointing towards, confirming his thoughts.

“Get the asset into further cover- they would rather kill him than risk him talking to us” Quinn stated with a sigh.

“And what are you going to do?” Rob asked uncertainty in his tone.

“Play them at their own game- get into the higher cover and take them out” Quinn replied, already looking towards a small gap in the mountains behind them that should give him exactly the cover he needed.

 

“You’re crazy Peter- you can barely walk” Rob argued. 

“I don’t need to walk, I just need to lay down and take the shot. Perfect position to lay down covering fire for if more appear” Quinn reasoned- he was more than aware of his body’s current limitations- but he knew he could make the shot. He didn’t even bother with further discussion, he simply picked up with rifle and shuffled towards the high ground, no idea how he was going to climb up he just knew he would manage. Rob watched him walk away, shaking his head.

“Stubborn bastard” he muttered under his breath as he turned towards the rest of the team and quickly explained the plan. Two of the less experienced members grabbed their prisoner and moved further into cover, determined that this would not all be for nothing they secured him and stood in front of him with weapons poised. 

To describe Quinn’s ascent to the little cave as a climb would have been generous and he was dripping in sweat by the time he made it into position. He leant back against the cool rock and took several breaths to quell the nausea in his stomach and regain his focus. After a few moments he was satisfied he had won the battle against himself and carefully shuffled into position- flicking out the legs of the sniper rifle stand and setting the scope in well practiced motions. He pushed the stock into the crease of his arm pit and relaxed his neck. When he was as comfortable as he was going to get he closed his left eye and looked through the sight with his right- he relaxed his breathing and acquired the sight picture. With one gentle squeeze the bullet was flying through the air- hitting true to target in a shot that only ten people in the world could have made- and that was when they were able bodied.

“Well I will be damned” Rob exclaimed as he watched through his own scope as yet again Quinn proved why he was such a vital member of the team. With no further time for delay as the rest of the enemy group came out of their cover, picked off one by one by Quinn’s undeniable talent. Rob nodded to Liam and the rest of the remaining guys and they joined in the gunfight. As quick as it had started it was over- Rob breathed a sigh of relief- the quicker they made it to that border the better. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Quinn rested his throbbing and dizzy forehead against his arm as he regained the energy to climb back down and rejoin his team. He had done what he needed to do- and now the adrenaline had worn off he was suffering for it. 

He was exhausted and his whole body was on fire from the exertion and the painkillers wearing off. For the first time he started having doubts whether he would make it, they had potentially several more days of yomping through the unforgiving ground all whilst dodging enemy troops.   
He was ripped from his thoughts by the sounds of approaching footsteps. He carefully pulled his sidearm from his holster and made it ready, barely moving but knowing with no uncertainty that he would hit anyone that was a threat.

“Put it away douche bag” Rob’s familiar voice stated. Quinn breathed an involuntary sigh of relief as he saw his friend. “Now are you coming back down or is this your new home?” the smaller man asked with a wry grin.

“Well it is quite homely…..” Quinn replied as he pulled himself upright- “but I suppose we still have a job to do” he added with a grimace.

“You are getting slack buddy- one of those rounds missed” Rob stated as he held out his hand to aid his struggling friend.

“I’ll work on that” Quinn muttered, grunting with every motion as the pain threatened to overwhelm him. 

“Let’s just get down, then in an hour or so we can hole up for the night- we can’t stay too close to this Peter” Rob told him regretfully, wanting nothing more than to allow his friend the rest he so clearly needed. Quinn nodded, not wasting any energy on speaking- he had known that was the case without his friend saying so. \

 

End Chapter Four


	5. Does the Pain Weigh Out the Pride?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Quinn deteriorating more and more can the black ops team survive this mission or will it be enough to break them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your amazing reviews!! Please keep them coming- I love seeing your thoughts on this.

Chapter Five

Carrie was going out of her mind- more so than usual. Two days and the trail had well and truly gone cold. The logical side of her knew that she should take consolation in that- it was after all what the team were trained to do- move in the shadows and existing in places normal people didn’t even know existed. But she felt on edge. She had seen the explosion, seen the firefight and there was just a niggling feeling in her gut that he was hurt. 

“No news is good news” Saul told her as he squeezed her shoulder. 

“We both know that’s not true Saul” she replied, gratefully accepting the steaming coffee that he passed her. 

“Have you heard from any of your sources?” he asked her as he sat down beside her.

“A few bits of chatter, but nothing solid enough to raise the balloon” she replied with a sigh- or to confirm that the group were even still alive she thought to herself sadly. 

“Dar has a lot invested in this Carrie- he will make sure they make it out safely” Saul attempted to reassure her, she nodded- no words would sooth her they both knew that. 

“You two coming?” Dar invited as he walked passed them into the control suite. They followed him with no hesitation, keen to see if there was any update.

“We got this feed approximately four hours ago” he told them- pointing towards the screens, and the two operatives watched as bullets flew. “Chatter on the radio suggests it is our guys and the direction of travel would fit with them heading towards the Turkish border” Dar told them, feeling a hint of relief.

“Still no contact from them directly?” Carrie asked, desperate for any information. 

“No- but I wouldn’t expect any yet. They will put some distance between them first” Dar confirmed, and he meant it. Carrie almost startled at the honesty the older man was showing- normally he played his cards so close to his chest that she never knew what was truth, what was bluff and what was an out and out lie. This was different, he was sharing with her and that was novel.

“Thank you” she stated simply looking him in the eye as she spoke.

“You were right in what you said Miss Mathison- ultimately we want the same thing, and Peter has assured me you are a very gifted Case Officer- your contacts may become invaluable when they do make contact” he conceded with a sad smile. She nodded accepting his words at face value and turning her attention back to the screen desperately wishing that there was something, anything, that she could identify as Quinn on the footage- but it was too grainy and out of focus to show anything so specific. 

“I am going to chase up some of my assets- you never know” Carrie stated as she slipped out of the room. Saul turned to look at Dar.

“Thank you for allowing her in” he said softly.

“We might need her” Dar responded simply and tiredly. “Hell we need all the help we can get” he added. 

 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“Call it a day” Rob instructed and didn’t miss the immediate grunt from their injured colleague as he dropped to the ground in the cover of a low tree. “Go and look after Peter” Rob told the medic his voice tinged with concern. Callum moved over to the badly injured soldier and knelt down beside him, gently lifting his chin to look in his eyes.

“I’m ok Callum” Quinn stated, barely lifting his head. 

“Let me see your eyes man” he instructed, holding his face in place. Quinn squinted, his pounding head objecting to the sunlight despite it lacking the brutal brightness of full daylight. 

“You need a hospital” Callum sated with a sigh, worried by the clearly serious head injury. 

“Tell me something I don’t know” Quinn whispered, closing his eyes again. Callum handed him a canteen of water- and dropped a tablet of electrolytes in it.

“You need to drink this- give yourself a fighting chance” he told him as he set about checking his still oozing wounds, feeling the heat that radiated off his skin he cursed their further bad luck as it was obvious that infection was already taking hold. “Take these” he ordered handing as many antibiotics as he dared to get the man to take. He then injected the pain killers- knowing that the dose he had given would knock the younger man out- but balancing the risks it was the safest option. 

When he was satisfied that the increasingly poorly man was out for the count he moved the now soiled dressings aside and very carefully redressed them. He sighed as he got to his feet- unsurprised to see Rob observing him.

“How’s he doing?” the team leader asked, fearing that he already knew the answer.

“He’s getting worse Rob- he needs a doctor” Callum replied simply. 

“Will he last another couple of days?” 

“He’s that stubborn I doubt he would ever give up” Callum responded with a twisted grin. Rob chuckled.

“He sure is that” he agreed. “Go and grab some food- I’ll keep an eye on Quinn” he instructed as he sat down beside his long term friend and kept a watchful eye. 

They would walk for a few more hours the next day and then he would call it in- he needed to get the injured agent out of here, and soon. No matter how much the taller man argued Rob had made his decision, they would put as much distance as possible between them and the last point of contact and then enough was enough. He eased himself backwards and M4 clutched in his hands sat back to watch over his friend.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

 

Quinn felt like death when he finally woke up, he felt as though his flesh was burning but he was body was wracked with shivers, he gulped as he realised that there was no way he would be able to fight his body this time- with an almighty effort he rolled to the side, coughing and spluttering and retching as all of the pitiful amount of liquid he had managed to force down the previous day was ejected from him. He attempted to draw his knees up to his chest to protect his painful stomach as dry heaves followed. He desperately tried to silence himself, not knowing if there was any threat in close proximity to them. 

“Just let it out man” a voice whispered next to him placing a damp cloth of his forehead, which he took comfort in against his blazing skin. He continued to cough- bile and blood the only thing that was left. When he had finally finished he laid back exhausted and feeling like he needed shooting. 

“Sip this” Callum instructed as he saw the sweat pouring from his friend. Quinn shook his head, turning his face away from the bottle. “We can’t carry you out of here when you pass out from dehydration man- so drink the damn water” Callum said firmly. The words hit home as he knew they would and Quinn took a small sip without further argument, his eyes still firmly closed. Callum checked the dressing on his friend’s chest- frowning as he noticed it was bleeding again and the stitches had torn. He moved quickly to fix them up as best as he could, noticing the angry red flesh around the wound and frowning. He slathered on as much antiseptic as he could and injected a smaller dose of painkiller into his friend’s hip. He tipped out the last of the tablets they had in the kit bag and placed them in the mouth of the injured man, pushing the water bottle once more to his parched lips. Quinn swallowed carefully, relieved by the cool flow of water, but not daring to drink much in case his stomach rebelled once more.

“Thanks” he muttered. “When are we moving out?” he asked. 

“As soon as we are ready” Callum replied as he packed the kit away, knowing that his friend was moving on borrowed time with every hour that passed he was going to get worse and worse. 

“Let’s go” Quinn stated with a sigh, struggling to his feet with more stubbornness than strength. Callum nodded, knowing that there was little choice. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

 

Quinn stumbled with his team, dizzy and nauseous he knew there was no way he could last much longer. He clutched his rifle in his sweaty hands, and prayed that he wouldn’t have to use it- not sure if he could trust himself. He knew that Callum and Rob were taking it in turns to monitor him and he couldn’t bring himself to care. Pride didn’t even come into it at this stage- he just needed to survive. 

“Not much further man” Rob stated from beside him. Quinn lacked the energy to even reply as he concentrated simply on placing one foot in front of the other. His silence worried the team leader even further. The two men had been in a number of sticky situations together, but he had never seen his friend look as beaten as he did at this moment. The taller man had a sheen of sweat covering his pale face and the hands that clutched the rifle had small tremors running through them. He glanced at his watch, squinting in the sunlight- he knew he had to set a target- be guided towards an extraction, he was just worried that he hadn’t moved the team far enough away from their last known location. Mind made up he signalled the guys to stop, and drifted into the protection of the shrubbery surrounding them. 

Quinn would have breathed a sigh of relief if he had the spare lung capacity- as it was he settled for easing himself down and relishing being off his battered and throbbing knee. 

“What’s happening?” he asked the team lead, his voice croaking as dehydration took hold. 

“Gonna call it in man” Rob replied, grabbing the sat phone out of his webbing.

“No Rob” Quinn argued, attempting to reach for the phone. “We haven’t made enough ground” he added as he started to cough, the wet sound causing Rob to wince in sympathy. 

“Peter listen to me- we need to get out of here. We need extracting ASAP or you and our little friend over here won’t make it and it will all have been for nothing” Rob attempted to reason. Quinn sighed, he knew it was true, but he absolutely hated putting the team at risk like this. He closed his eyes and leaned back, his head was pounding and dizziness threatened to overwhelm him, but he wouldn’t let it. He still had a job to do- still had a team to protect, he couldn’t let this beat him. 

“Make the call” he stated simply, taking a sip of water slowly, determined to get through this. Rob nodded, squeezing his friend’s shoulder. He pressed the keys on the keypad and crossed his fingers this would work. 

End Chapter Five


	6. And You Look for a Place to Hide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carrie is getting closer to rescuing her friend, but can he survive long enough to let her?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your reviews I am really pleased to see that people are reading- I hope the pace is setting the right tone for this story and holds your interest a bit longer!

Chapter Six

“Sir! Sir! Your gotta hear this” Scott shouted in the hall, Dar didn’t hesitate before he followed the man back in the command and control room, Saul and Carrie mere steps behind. 

“Go ahead Delta one” the operator stated into the transmission.

“Delta One we have Alpha Alpha and are heading to extraction point Zulu” Rob’s voice carried across the room. Carrie held her breath as the conversation continued. 

“Copy that Delta One- status update” Scott requested, taking over the conversation. 

“We have suffered multiple contacts- no losses” Rob replied, his voice tired even to those that barely knew him. “Delta Two is hit” he added, and just like that Carrie felt her heart sink to her knees, she automatically categorically knew who he was referring to and she felt sick at the thought. Dar closed his eyes and looked down to the ground, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

“Can you make it to Zulu?” he asked eventually.

“We WILL make it to Zulu Sir” Rob replied, the hidden words of his statement clear to all those listening. “We may need help from there” Rob added glancing across at the pale and sweating form of Quinn.

“Copy that- contact in 24hrs by the same means for further instruction” Dar stated, calculating quickly from the flashing pin on the map that they two days of walking ahead of them to get to the border, so that gave them little time to put support in place. 

“Roger- Delta One out” Rob replied. 

“Delta Two is Quinn isn’t it?” Carrie asked as soon as the call ended- surprising Dar that her restraint had lasted that long. He sighed and simply nodded, confirming her fear. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“We need to move” Rob stated to the team, and within minutes they were on their feet and moving, Quinn stumbled, his eyes glassy as fever took hold, but he knew he couldn’t stop. Rob had used the Sat phone so now they needed to put some space between themselves and where he had made the call. He knew that, he wished he could just curl up somewhere and die, but he knew there was no way the team would let that happen- so he kept walking and shuffling behind them – trying his best to keep up and not put them at risk.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“Where is Zulu?” Carrie asked.

“It is as we thought- they are heading to the border. Zulu is near Kilis. We need to review the assets that we have around border control near the town” Dar stated. “Then we need to allocate them a safe house and ensure there is medical support” he added.

“What if Quinn needs a hospital?” Carrie asked, unable to keep the fear out of her voice that her friend was going to be put even more at risk.

“Relax Miss Mathison- if Peter needs medical help then he will get it. We will arrange a secure team to pick up their prisoner and arrange passage for interrogation. Then it will be safe to get Peter to a hospital” Carrie sighed, she didn’t like the delay but she knew that Dar was right- Quinn would be furious if the integrity of the mission had been sacrificed for him, and it would all have been for nothing if the high value prisoner didn’t make it back. 

“Sorry- you’re right” she conceded, surprising herself with her restraint.

“I have a very trusted asset that works border control nearby” Saul stated when the tension had diminished. “Let me make contact see what we can come up with” he offered. Dar nodded, grateful for anyone his long term friend trusted.

“I know of a safe house about two klicks from the border, it’s whether they can make it that far” Carrie stated. 

“We have to assume that they can- they can’t stop too close to the border without putting the entire mission at risk” Dar reasoned. Carrie nodded deep in thought.

“Let me call the Adana Station chief and see what support can be offered to get them a guide to the safe house, plus I can check its not in use” she finally offered. Dar nodded again, glad for the support. The two operatives headed off to make some of the most important calls they had made in their lives. 

Carrie thought back to Islamabad- a similar situation with Saul. She hadn’t managed to help him initially- and she was almost certain of what he perceived as a betrayal of trust, that had been the beginning of the decline of their friendship. But she didn’t regret it. It had been Quinn that had stopped her from ordering the drone strike. She had been fuming at the time, hated him for undermining her the way he had in front of the entire team. But he had been right, as he usually was, she would never have forgiven herself if she had blown up her mentor and friend. That had been the start of a very harsh, but very necessary wake up call for the young station chief. When she had led Saul right back into the arms of his captors it had been the hardest thing she had ever done- hearing him shouting down the line at her still caused her to wake up at night. Yet she also knew it had contributed to him being safely recovered, she had no doubt he would have taken his own life with the pistol to avoid being recaptured so she would never regret it and she knew that in her shoes Saul would have done the same thing. She just hoped that with time, when it was less raw, they would both be able to fully trust each other again. 

She shook her head to clear her thoughts and set about the job in hand, knowing that Quinn’s life literally depended on them getting this right and she was adamant she wouldn’t let him down. After all he had never let her down, even when she had been at her worst.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Quinn barely knew where he was or what he was doing by the time the group finally stopped two hours later. He was so far beyond exhausted and dizzy that it was all he could do to place one foot in front of the other He had no conscious thought it was simply stubbornness and automatism that kept him moving. Rob was in no doubt that his friend was nearly done. 

“Rest here” he instructed the taller man as he helped him to the floor. As he grasped the man’s bicep he felt the heat raging through his jacket and the trembles that racked through him. “Come on man drink this” he offered holding the canteen of water and hydration tablets to the man’s dry and cracked lips. Quinn sipped, lacking the energy or inclination to argue. He needed to close his eyes and drift away from this pain, but he knew there was little chance of that unless he drank something first. 

“Sleep” he requested softly when he had drunk as much as he could tolerate. He closed his eyes, and within seconds was out. Rob sighed and gently laid his friend down to make him as comfortable as possible. 

“He won’t make it much longer Rob” Callum stated softly, tending to the injured man whilst he wouldn’t feel the pain. 

“I know- we only need another 36 hours and we can be across the border” Rob replied with a grimace.

“He might not have that long” the medic commented, his eyes serious and locked on those of the team leader. He knew it was unfair- there was nothing else the man could do to get them out sooner. The mission had dipped nearly a week ago and they were lucky to have made it this far- hell it was mostly due to Quinn that they had. 

“He will- there is no way he would die without getting to hold all this over us- he is gonna use the fact he saved our hides for at least the next twenty years every time we go to the bar” Rob stated with a smile, hoping against hope that his words were true. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“Dar- the safe house is free and the station chief is checking the security is still in tact. He is going to update me in an hour with what can be put in place to guide them safely” Carrie updated the senior man. She ran her hands through her hair- it had been five hours since any contact, which she knew was a good sign since none was due for another nineteen hours- but she would give anything to hear Quinn’s voice, have him confirm to her himself that he was alive. 

“Good, we just need to be able to get them there” Dar replied, he sounded exhausted, which in itself was strange for the usually passive man. 

“No update from Saul?” Carrie queried, 

“Not yet- but border control can be tricky to manage, we can’t risk losing such a well placed asset, but then we really need him for this” Dar replied, he knew that it was risky, but they needed the guard to be on duty at the exact right time on the right lane, and not be on break not be being watched- hell the variables were endless, he just hoped that just this one thing would work out in their favour. 

“I want to fly over there” Carrie stated, cutting straight to the chase. Dar sighed, he had known this was coming, although he had to admit he had thought it would come much sooner. 

“And what exact benefit would that bring?” he asked, looking her straight in the eye.

“I can co-ordinate from the ground, improve our communications and act as liaison” Carrie explained, knowing it was a big stretch but hoping that this new amenable Dar Adal would just understand that she had to be there and maybe just maybe Quinn needed her there too.

“She can travel with me” a new voice entered the conversation. Both agents threw questioning glances at Saul- confused by the comment. “My asset wants to meet face to face, better security- my flight leaves in an hour”

“Let me call Maggie” Carrie stated simply, turning and walking away. This was a conversation she didn’t need to be involved in she just needed to get everything in place to make sure she could travel with Saul. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“When are you going?” was how Maggie answered the phone to her, her sister knew her far too well. 

“We have found them Maggie” Carrie stated, deliberately keeping her words vague.

“He’s alive?” the other woman asked, holding her breath as she awaited the answer.

“He is for now Maggie, but he’s hurt- I need to be there”

“Go- for god sake Carrie go to him! Frannie will be fine here, but make sure you call” she warned, knowing what her sister was like when she was in job mode.

“I will facetime as soon as its safe to do so. You know I wouldn’t ask…..” she started saying, but she was interrupted.

“I know you wouldn’t Carrie- you need to go and care for him like we both know you do” Maggie stated a smile in her voice. “I don’t mind, I know you have to do this”

“Thank you” Carrie whispered overwhelmed with emotion as the last few months threatened to push her to tears. Carrie spoke briefly to her daughter to wish her good night before heading to her car to grab her go bag. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“I am not happy about this Saul” Dar stated as Carrie had left the room.

“I didn’t for a second think you would be. My asset has been good and reliable for the last ten years, I owe him face to face when he has asked for it, and I trust him to not let us down” 

“You know full well that is not what I meant Saul” Dar stated.

“Look there is no reason to stop her from travelling with me, it’s not like she will be going alone and she might be of help” Saul stated, his tone impassive Dar sighed, he knew he was beaten on this and he genuinely lacked the energy or desire to argue. 

“Make sure you get at least a couple of sat phones to take and some burners, I will give you Delta’s contact numbers before you go” Dar told him, he was twitchy- this was about his guys and he felt as though he was losing his control of the situation.

“Dar I was the interim director of the CIA, not a wet behind the ears trainee- trust us” Saul reassured as he headed off to his office to get his kitbag and some supplies that might come in handy. This was a vital mission whichever way he considered it, they had to get this right.

End Chapter Six


	7. Did Someone Break Your Heart Inside?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the rescue mission gains momentum all the Black Ops team have to do is make it to safety, but maybe even that is too much.....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your lovely comments! I have deliberately tried to include the team work and camaraderie between the guys in the team- so I am really glad you seem to like that part of my story.

Chapter Seven

“We all set?” Saul asked as Carrie stepped on to the plane.

“Yep all set” she replied “Davies is meeting us at the other end” she added, Saul nodded in response. 

“He’s a safe pair of hands- reliable” Saul commented about the Station chief, Carrie attempted to supress a shudder at the words, echoing Quinn’s description of himself all of that time ago when they had first met. There had been more truth in his statement then than she had realised, she just prayed she would get to see him again to tell him that. “He will be ok Carrie” Saul stated, squeezing her hand gently. “Quinn is a fighter, tough as nails- and far too stubborn to not make his way back” 

“I hope you’re right Saul, I really hope that you are right” Carrie replied with a sigh. “Did Dar arrange the patch?” she asked keen to make sure that the transmission due in twelve hours time was also patched through to them. She told Dar it was to make sure they were all aware of the update due to the effects it would have on the plan- but in reality she simply had to hear first hand how Quinn was doing, she needed to know he would be reachable when they got there. She could feel her heart speeding up even at the thought of it. 

“Yep- he managed to arrange the connection via the computer” Saul replied, also pleased that they would be kept in the loop even in mid air- it saved a briefing later on. They had also scheduled a briefing for two hours prior to landing to make sure they were all clear on the action from that point. He hoped they would remain in contact throughout, but just in case it was good to have a fallback. Carrie nodded, and rested her head back taking the opportunity for rest, even though she doubted any sleep would come.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

The next morning brought with it a hot blazing sun and no clouds in the sky as the team mustered together. Rob leant his tired head back against a tree and watched as their medic tended to their injured comrade. He knew that Quinn was now living on borrowed time, the man could barely stay on his feet and the moments of clarity and focus were becoming few and far between as the infection took over his weakening body. It was only his own sheer will and determination that was keeping the other man moving- and Rob knew that he would probably suffer even further for it in the long run- but they had to keep moving, they had to get to safety, there was no choice in the matter if they stood any chance of survival. 

He had told his friend that they had a 20% better chance of surviving if he came along, and he truly honestly knew that to be true. Quinn was gifted, one of the most talented field agents he had ever known. He hadn’t meant for that to risk his friend’s life, but then he had also proven him right- half the team would have lost their lives that day in the barn if Quinn hadn’t of been there. Sure the team were talented and were only as strong as their weakest man- but there was something about Quinn’s calming nature that brought positive vibes to the mission- his focussed manner making things seem clearer and more achievable. Rob would die for the man- and he was certain that worked both ways. He just needed to make sure that didn’t happen. 

“You good shithead?” he asked as he knelt beside his friend. Quinn blinked to clear his vision, his mouth slightly quirking up at the sides. 

“Always dick” Quinn rasped in reply, his voice hoarse, but it was there and that made Rob breathe a sigh of relief. 

“We need to get moving” Rob told him with a grimace.

“When’s check in?” Quinn asked as he struggled to his feet.

“Seven hours from now- then we should have the extraction plan” Rob told him, hoping that would bring some comfort. Quinn nodded- knowing it may as well be seven years as far as his battered and bleeding body felt. 

“Point Zulu?” Quinn asked, his words coming out in a sharp exhale. Rob nodded, Quinn straightened up and took a breath, making himself ready to move before his body completely gave up. ”We moving or chatting?” he asked, his steely gaze locked on Rob’s who grinned in response.

“We’re moving” he replied with a smile and within minutes the team were on their feet and moving, progress slow and stilted- but it was still progress. They made nowhere near the progress that Rob had hoped for as they stopped for a break two hours later, it wasn’t just Quinn that was slowing them down- the heat and the lack of supplies was started to show on the healthy guys- so god alone knew how Quinn was coping. They each nibbled on a snack bar and drank from canteens of water with hydration tablets in the hopes it would be enough to make it just a day longer. 

Quinn rested back, he barely dared to close his eyes for fear he wouldn’t wake up again. He thought of how he had ended up here, had he been running away? Got scared of rejection so he took the easy option- which for him was diving head first into a war zone? The world that he was engulfed in, the destruction that surrounded him was almost a comfort- here he understood what to do, there was hardly ever room for doubt in his mind what his next action would be. All those months ago when he had left Islamabad he had been convinced he was done, finished- but here he was serving a purpose again, making a difference and doing what he was good at.

Carrie’s hesitation had hurt him, but yet not surprised him. She was one of the most complex people that he knew and the minute he had told her how he felt about her he had felt a weight lift from his shoulders- and the minute that her sister had told him that she had left for Missouri was the minute that he knew they would never have a normal life.   
He smiled to himself at how far away that world seemed to him now, this here in the wasteland of Syria surrounded by enemy troops that hunted them felt more comfortable than being sat on that sofa in a rented apartment talking to her by cell phone. This was the life that he knew, the life he had made for himself, the life he was destined to follow. 

“Drink this” a voice dragged him from his reverie. Quinn accepted the drink and took a sip, followed by another- he had to take on fluid he knew that. He just had to keep going for a few more hours- like he always did- just keep on going. “You good to go?”

“Sooner the better” Quinn replied, wanting to move whilst the going was good. Callum smiled and helped him to his feet.

“I have no idea how you are still even awake man” the medic stated. “But I sure as hell am glad I don’t have to carry your sorry ass” he added with a grin. 

“Shut up or I will pass out just to spite you” Quinn responded, trying to forget about the pain and exhaustion even if just for a brief second. Callum laughed out loud at the comment, nodding to Rob to show they were ready to move- yet again the team started their slow walk onwards.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Dar reviewed the file yet again, this was Peter Quinn- his guy, it had to work and it had to work fully, he couldn’t afford to lose him. With the plans Saul and Carrie had set in place it should hopefully work as far as getting the team to the safe house. He had an extraction force planned to recover the prisoner, he just needed a medical contingency that he could trust. He sighed before picking up the phone, lucky he was owed lots of favours as he had a feeling he was about to being calling a fair few in. 

“Yes?” a distracted voice answered.

“Colin it’s Dar” he greeted, “Tell me do you still practice out of Kilis state municipal?” he asked cutting to the chase.

“Dar? I thought we said you would never call me here” the British doctor replied in a whisper.

“Come now Colin, that was a long time ago- I think that danger has passed” Dar soothed him, hoping against hope that he would help them. “I need you to do something for me, its something very important and very sensitive in nature”

“Dar- you know I don’t get involved in those games any more” the doctor stated with a sigh.

“This isn’t a game Colin- this is a call for help. I have someone that will urgently need your help but cannot get it through traditional official channels” Dar told him and he could feel his voice rising unintentionally as the tension of the last few days built within him. He was slightly reassured by the silence on the other end of the line, it was better than an out and out refusal.

“I will ring you back on this number in thirty” the brit finally replied before disconnecting the call. Dar breathed a sigh of relief- the doctor would help, he knew he would.

Sure enough thirty minutes later a call came to his cell from an unknown number.

“Hello?” he answered, hoping that he knew who it was.

“What are you trying to rope me into then Dar?” the London doctor’s clear tone asked, laced with the slight edge of humour.

“I have an injured operative who will arrive at Kilis tomorrow, I can’t get them an immediate Evac due to the mission that they are on, but I need to get them some specialist care to make it safe to transport them. I need someone that I can fully trust with this Colin” Dar explained, vague enough to not put anyone at risk, but enough information to hopefully hook the other man.

“What level of injury are we talking and what supplies do we have available? He asked hesitantly.

“I don’t have specific details yet- but I will have in five hours. We have field medical kits- nothing beyond that” Dar replied honestly. Colin sighed, he knew that he would be helping there was no doubt now.

“I will await your call in six hours then” he replied with a further sigh whilst he already began to think of how he could filter some supplies away and disappear for a few days without raising any suspicion. 

“Thank you” Dar uttered before hanging up. All he now needed was a contingency to get the team extracted and Quinn to an actual hospital as he had a gut feeling that the younger man was going to need one, no matter how good a doctor his friend was there was only so much he could treat in the field.

He looked on the map and plotted out the location of the safe house from the border- they should be able to make it there within an hour even at the slowest walk- quicker still if Carrie and Saul managed to source them some transport. He guessed they would have to remain in situ for two days to allow the high value extraction to safely take place and the dust to settle and then the full extraction plan would be implemented. He was limited by too many variables to set a plan in stone yet- but he had a range of options already whirling in his mind to get the team home to safety 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Rob could feel the burn of the sun on his face as they trudged on and on, his arms were burning from the weight of his M4 and he was beyond exhausted. This mission was taking its toll- he knew how vital the prisoner was and he was certain that their actions would save many many lives by the capture, but he needed this to be over. They all did. He glanced at his watch and noted the time- surveying the land for somewhere safe to stop and make the next check in that would hopefully start the last steps of their journey home. A few moments passed before he found a spot they could defend. He signalled the team and one by one they dropped to a knee, rifle primed and ready, the prisoner secure between the two freshest men. Rob moved towards the centre, his shoulder against Quinn’s on one side and Callum’s on the other as he lowered his weapon and reached for the sat phone. He almost held his breath as he hit the keys, hoping against hope that there would be good news waiting for him

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“Go ahead Delta one” Dar greeted as he answered.

“Activating signal” Rob replied, sending a brief message- Dar noted the dot and dropped a pin on the map to note the location of his team.

“Copy that Delta One- head towards the following co-ordinates and make contact at 0730hrs for final extraction instructions” Dar instructed before Scott reeled off a range of numbers to the team leader. Rob looked closely on the map and noticed that they still had six miles to travel to get to close proximity to the RV, he also noticed that it was a mile from the final extraction. He sighed he knew that meant they had a further twenty four hours before they would be expected to cross the border to almost safety- in the greater scheme of things it was no time at all but to his already exhausted team it would feel like an age. 

“Roger that Delta one received” he acknowledged pulling a face at Quinn. The taller man would have rolled his eyes, as he could grasp what was being said on the line, but he knew it was likely to result in either him passing out or being sick- neither of which were desirable at this moment in time. 

“I need a sitrep Delta One” Dar requested, hoping that the team leader would bring him good news.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Carrie bit down on her thumb as she listened to the exchange, as soon as she heard Dar request an update she unconsciously moved forward onto the edge of her seat- the tension on that flight could have been cut with a knife as both operatives awaited the answer to the question.

“Target is still walking- no damage” Rob stated. “Delta 2 will require medevac” he added, very conscious that Quinn could hear him. 

“Received Delta One- details” Dar demanded, needing the information to plan his response. Rob stepped away from protocol and handed the device to his team medic, reverting his grip to his rifle.

“Delta six go” Callum stated in the phone.

“Delta six- I need a full update on delta two for Evac purposes” Dar requested, realising he was speaking with the team medic. 

“Several broken ribs, dislocated knee, a large wound to his quad that may need internal stitches, shrapnel wounds to the torso that had stage one sepsis taking hold and a significant head injury” the medic reeled off, his voice dispassionate as he stated the extensive injuries of his friend. “He needs a hospital sir” he added, is own feelings leaking into the update.

“I am working on it delta six- is he walking and talking?” he asked, needing to know.

“For now sir- he needs antibiotics and quickly” Callum commented, looking at the subject of their conversation. “and a CAT scan but I should imagine that’s a way off” he added ruefully. 

Carrie bit down on her lips as she listened to the transmission- desperate to hear Quinn for herself, praying that somehow he would sense she was listening and speak. Yet she knew that she as probably the furthest thing from the mind of the injured Black ops agent, and as usual she was thinking of her own needs and not his- but she was overwhelmed at the thought of him out in the warzone, injured and still so far from safety. 

“You have your orders Delta” Dar closed the conversation- yet no reply or confirmation ever came, instead the airwaves were full of the sounds of automatic gunfire and bullets flying, followed by shouts and then the deathly sounds of silence.

End Chapter Seven


	8. You're in Ruins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can Delta overcome the latest obstacle to their escape plan?

Chapter Eight

“Delta six do you copy?” Dar’s calm voice spoke over the airwaves, but no response came. He cursed under his breath- there was nothing that they could do now, the guys were on their own- he just had to pray that at 0730 the next day he would receive contact and the plan could go ahead. He rubbed his hand over his face, suddenly exhausted- he was getting too old for this.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Carrie could feel her eyes welling up with tears as the deafening silence filled the aeroplane. She glanced at her watch- they still had two hours until they were due to land, with a briefing in an hour she had to pull herself together. There was no reason to believe that Quinn had come to any further harm- nothing to say any of the team had been hurt. They were all highly trained special forces with skills that she could barely comprehend having seen Quinn in action. They would be absolutely fine and the plan could go ahead as hoped. Well at least that was what the rational side of her brain was telling her. The emotional side was too embroiled in the feeling of her heart as realisation dawned that she may never get to see Quinn’s steely blue eyes again, may never get to touch his silky hair or share a breath taking kiss with him. She damned herself and her hesitation that had forced him back into this situation.

She knew Quinn well enough to know what it must have taken from him for him to tell her how he felt, how much internal debate must have gone on before he finally took her in his arms and kissed her. She would treasure that evening forever, it was the most relaxed and safest she had felt in her adult life- right there beside the man that had come to mean so very much to her. Yet time and time again she had put herself first- put her needs so far in front of his that she had physically caused him harm- and he had let her. It was then that she realised why- he had let her because he loved her. She closed her eyes against the thought, the unbearable pain that these thoughts brought to her as it stirred up all the emotion that she hadn’t even realised was there. 

“You love him don’t you?” Saul asked as he watched the apparent battle waging inside her. She sighed before nodding slowly. “Did you tell him?” Saul asked, knowing that something had gone on between the two the evening of her father’s funeral, but he was certain that something had. He had always been grateful for Quinn’s presence in her life- a safe and steady pair of hands that would fight to the death to protect her. 

“No, by the time I realised it he was gone” she told him, her voice laced with regret. 

“I am pretty sure that he knew” Saul responded squeezing her hand gently. “And you will get a chance soon anyway” he added attempting to reassure her. 

“I hope so Saul, I really hope so” Carrie responded, a voice a bare whisper as she turned her head to look out of the window.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

One minute Callum Jones was speaking into the sat phone, the next he was apparently flying through the air, a weight pushed into his chest as he fell to the floor. Waves of bullets flying past where his head had been milliseconds before

“Shit” he grunted as he hit the floor, attempting to roll to soften his fall. He couldn’t move as a heavy weight was still pressed against his torso. He moved his arms and quickly checked himself for any pain, when it was clear he hadn’t been hit he looked at what was on top of him and saw the already battered form of his friend Peter Quinn. “Holy shit Quinn what you doing?” he asked, as he gently helped the man off him and grabbing the back of his webbing dragged him to the side to check for any new injuries.

“Saving your sorry ass” Quinn grunted in response. Callum shook his head, he had no words to say. Quinn had just saved his life, he had been sloppy- distracted by the transmission and failing to take the usual precautions he had left himself exposed to the enemy fire, and now his friend was going to pay for that. He looked around the mound of boulders the two men were now taking shelter behind and looked at his friends laying down fire, but they were outnumbered and outgunned. “Help me set up the rifle and then go and help them” Quinn instructed. His face covered in fresh blood, and his voice weak- but his eyes were shining with grim determination as he spoke.

“You shouldn’t have had to do that Quinn- I’m sorry man” Callum whispered as he propped up the rifle and helped Quinn into position.

“I would have left you- but I need you to keep me hooked up to the good stuff” Quinn replied with a weak attempt at a grin. “Go- they need you” he ordered as he looked through his sight for any target that might assist them in at least getting an opportunity to run for it. Callum hesitated then rolled away, rifle loaded and ready to target. 

Quinn took a breath, adrenaline pumping through him at the involuntary call to action, he took a moment to look around the enemy troop and noticed a sniper hiding high, the flash of the barrel being the only clue to his location. He waited for them to take the next shot- then set his sight on him. One careful squeeze and he took his shot- he knew it had hit true despite his double vision. He carefully moved the rifle round to the next target- he knew they would realise his location soon- that was the risk of targeted shooting, but the risk was worth it. He saw two soldiers setting up what looked like some sort of explosive device. Now if that headed their way the entire team would be wiped out- there was no way that was going to happen. Without any further thought or hesitation he fired at the bottom of the box, twice in quick succession- his plan working as the device went up in a ball of flames, taking half of the enemy troop with it. Within minutes Quinn was on his feet, grabbed from behind and half dragged, half running set off away from their location. Making the most of the distraction the black ops team ran- ran as fast as their tired weary legs would carry them and they didn’t look back.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“Sir I have the drone footage” Scott stated, firing up the video feed to show the black ops leader. Dar concentrated on the footage- it was grainy and unfocused but it clearly showed a firefight- only ending when an explosion filled the air. He paused for a moment.

“I think they got out of that one” he stated with a small smile.

“How can you be so sure?” Scott asked in surprise.

“The positioning- Delta team would use the outcrop for protection prior to calling in. That explosion was too far out in the open to be targeted at them” he explained, and Scott nodded, hoping that the older man was right in his summary. 

“We haven’t managed to pick up any further activity- which I suppose if you are correct has to be a good thing” he told him.

“Fire up the call” Dar instructed, it was the final brief before Saul and Carrie would be landing in Madin and hopefully being escorted by the nearby Station chief for Saul to arrange his meeting. Within seconds he was connected to the plane. He quickly explained his thoughts about the Drone footage- hoping to get Carrie’s concentration fully back on the job at hand. 

“Ok I guess that makes sense” Carrie replied in relief, it did make sense, she just hoped none of them had been injured in that firefight. 

“I have arranged medical intervention, but we need some timings confirming first” Dar told them. “Delta will reach the RV and check in at 0730- they then have a further mile to get to point Zulu- we have to aim for them to go through the checkpoint at 0900hrs Saul- the border point will be busy and your asset can work with less risk” Dar stated.

“Depending if he is due at work then” Saul stated, keen to not put his asset at risk.

“We will have to be flexible- getting them across safely has to be the priority” Dar agreed. “Davies will be around the border point to escort them to the safe house-” he explained “Davies is a relatively known face around the area with the joint working, he has an established cover and has transport arranged. You two will be waiting at the safe house” 

“But…” Carrie attempted to interject.

“This is non-negotiable Miss Mathison- I will not have you putting my team at risk” Dar stated and his voice left no room for argument and for one none came. “There will be a doctor waiting with you with medical supplies- his safety is your responsibility” Dar told them. “They should arrive at the safe house by 1000hrs and the target will be collected by team Echo at 1700hrs”

“Makes sense” Carrie agreed. “What about medical evac?” she asked, keen to know that Quinn would be able to get the help he clearly needed. 

“I am to be guided by the doctor on that one- but likely to be 24 hours later” he stated. Carrie sighed, she knew that would be the case, but she wished it wasn’t.

“Saul I will need an update as soon as you have confirmation from your asset- the timings will be arranged around him, this is the best case scenario” Dar stated.

“Agreed- contact arranged for 2300hrs – check in at midnight” Saul confirmed, that would give them less than ten hours to get all of the pieces in place- it would be tight, but doable. All parties agreed with the plan before disconnecting the call. 

Dar glanced at his watch- he was a few minutes early, but he made the call anyway. Colin picked up on the second ring.

“When do you need me?” he asked with a sigh.

“Collection at 0600hrs?” Dar asked. 

“Yes- that is doable, I only have three days Dar- anything beyond that will raise suspicion” he stated.

“That is more than generous” Dar replied, relieved that they had a good trustworthy doctor at all- but for three days that was more than he expected. He passed the update on Quinn’s condition through to his longterm friend and heard the intake of breath on the other end.

“I will do my best Dar- but unless you have a portable operating theatre and CAT scan you haven’t told me about I will be fairly limited” the doctor responded.

“I know- it’s all I ask of you, I just need my guys to be cared for until it is safe to move them to an actual hospital” he added.

“I will get supplies together- collection from the usual pick up?” he asked. It had been nearly six years since the two had worked together in any form, yet old habits and routines quickly returned. 

“Yes- there is something you should know though Colin” Dar added, almost hesitantly.

“Dare I even ask”

“You may remember this patient- you have treated him before” he told him, wincing as he knew a barrage of bad memories would return as soon as the doctor knew who he would be caring for. With that one sentence Colin knew exactly who the other man was talking about and he sighed.

“Peter?” he asked sadly.

“Yes”

“Then I guess it is for the best that I agreed to help- I do owe him after all” the doctor stated with a sigh. “But tell me can’t that boy stay out of trouble for five minutes Dar?” he commented and Dar couldn’t help the slight chuckle that escaped him despite the gravity of the situation. 

“It would seem not old friend” he finally replied and the two friends signed off. At least it was coming together- just one more piece to fall into place and there was an outside chance that they would actually pull this off. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

 

It felt as though they had been running forever, but in reality it was a mere hour- and it was generous to call it a run. Quinn was spent when they finally stopped for a break. He felt sick and dizzy and he knew in every fibre of his body that he had barely anything left. 

“I need to check him over” Callum told Rob as they went through the team checking for injuries. They hadn’t fared too badly all things considered. Rob had a wound on his forehead and a nasty cut to the hand and one of the junior crew had a bullet to the bicep, other than that they were miraculously unharmed. 

“I have no idea how he’s still going” Rob stated as he looked at his friend as he wretched against a tree, his whole body trembling, all of his weight resting on one leg as his other burned in pain from his injuries.

“I can’t believe after all this he managed to tackle me to the ground and still blow the enemy up” Callum muttered in awe of the senior agent. 

“He has always been something else- just that one step ahead of everyone and everything else” Rob agreed as he waked over with the medic to their injured friend. He didn’t like what he saw- Quinn’s entire face was now covered in fresh red blood- but it did little to disguise the pallor underneath. His hand that was pressed against the tree keeping himself upright was also bloody as was the entire right sleeve of his combat fatigue. Callum sighed- another injury to add to the collection. 

“Come on man, I need to dress those” he told him friend taking his elbow and helping him to the ground. Quinn remained silent- his eyes closed as he swallowed back on the bile that threatened to escape. Callum exchanged a glance with Rob- both worried for their friend. Callum poured some sterile water over what was left of his bandages and gently wiped at his friend’s face to find where the blood was coming from- he finally found a deep groove in the man’s hairline and he frowned as he examined the wound. 

“Jesus” Rob commented as he realised what had caused the injury. 

“It’s just a graze” Quinn stated weakly his eyes still closed as he registered that his two team mates had just realised what had caused his latest head injury. 

“It’s a bullet wound Peter” Callum stated incredulously. “One inch to the right and you would have been a goner” he added as he shook his head and cleaned the wound. Trying to ignore the flinch his action caused. He then turned his attention to his friend’s arm quickly finding the bullet wound to his bicep. “Luckily this is a through and through” he stated.

“Lucky me” Quinn replied sarcastically. He bit his lip as the medic cleaned the wound and wrapped it tightly to stop the bleeding, the pain was excruciating but he knew once it settled he could cope with it. 

“Stay still” Callum instructed as he pulled out a syringe and injected the wounded man in the hip. “Thanks Quinn” he stated softly, he knew that these injuries had to have been sustained when he had tackled the medic. They were bullets that had been meant for him- and would have taken his life without doubt if Quinn hadn’t taken the action he had.

“Just get us out of here and call it even” Quinn stated, finally making eye contact. His pupils were massive as Callum looked at them and he knew that Quinn had to be fighting to even remain conscious never mind keep moving. 

“I will do my best man” he promised squeezing his shoulder. 

“We need to keep moving a bit longer” Rob stated with a sigh. We need to get to within a mile of the RV and then move at first light he added.

“How far?” Callum asked looking at Quinn in concern. 

“About another hour tonight should get us close enough” Rob responded, sharing the concern but neither man willing to verbalise it.

“Let’s just go” Quinn interjected, his eyes closed again as he reached out his uninjured arm in the general direction of the other men for help in getting up. If he didn’t move now he knew he may never. Rob smiled as he gently helped his friend. 

“You two stay together- keep each other out of trouble” he added with a grin.

“Fat chance” Callum muttered under his breath as he handed Quinn his rifle, which despite his condition he flung over his shoulder and grasped in his left hand. 

Without any further conversation the team moved out. With any luck this would be the last push- the final protracted period of yomping through this godforsaken land and they could start the long journey home. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“I am on shift at 0800hrs” Yusuf told Saul softly. 

“Can you do this?” Saul asked him.

“Yes- and nine is a good time as it is most busy. I am always on this lane” he told the senior agent softly as he pointed at the check point map. “The team though- it is a big risk to let so many through at once in the same lane and it will looks suspicious if the other lanes have less queue” he stated. Saul sighed, the man had a point.

“What are you thinking?” he asked.

“I am thinking a distraction, something further down the lanes, makes them more likely to come to me and less likely for anybody to notice” the Turkish border guard replied. He knew this was risky- and he also knew that Saul Berenson wouldn’t be asking him if it wasn’t vital. He knew what to expect and he knew the risk- he was willing to take it.

“Like a bit an incident or something bigger?” Saul asked, happy to be guided by the other man who had never let him down. 

“Nothing to cause harm- just something to make people look, draw attention away from my lane” he added. Saul nodded.

“Leave it with me- and good luck” he stated. Yusef nodded, and headed home- he needed to get some sleep- tomorrow was going to be a big day- he needed a clear head.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Carrie looked up expectedly as Saul returned.

“All good?” she asked and he nodded- glad that at least the timings worked. He had updated Dar as he had travelled back to the safe house and the other man vowed to arrange the distraction- the other special ops team on standby could assist he had suggested. 

“We need to get some sleep” Saul stated as he looked around the room. They had unpacked the medical equipment that they had managed to get hold of and made up the camp beds in the small bedrooms- the smallest of which was now a makeshift medical room. The best they could do with what they had and in the time they had- hopefully the doctor would bring some more drugs and equipment with him when he was collected in a few short hours. 

“Where do you think they are?” Carrie asked softly as she laid down.

“Probably about a mile from the RV- safest, they don’t want to risk getting there too soon and making it unusable”

“Just ten hours and they should be safely here” Carrie stated as she rolled over and hoped that sleep would claim her.

End Chapter Eight


	9. Lay Down Your Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They are so close to getting to safety, will the plan all fall in place? Will Quinn have the energy left to make it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all of your reviews so far and your lovely warm welcome to this forum.
> 
> Sorry this one is a bit shorter, but the next two chapters are written and ready to post so please please please review!

Chapter Nine

Six am the next morning and the team were moving through the rugged uneven ground. They had ninety minutes to reach the RV and make contact, it should be ample time even with the pace they were currently forced to take.

Peter Quinn had not had a good night- the infection was beating him- it was clear to everybody. He was pale and sweating and overwhelmed with trembles. He staggered as he walked and nobody around him even knew how he was still on his feet, but somehow he was and he kept on moving. No complaints- no energy wasted on talking he just kept moving, hoping that his next step wouldn’t be his last.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

 

Colin Wood surveyed the room in silence- it was basic, but it was clean and he could make it work. Silently he set up his instruments and the few portable monitors he had managed to acquire. He was as ready as he would be to see the young operative again after so many years- and he would try everything in his power to save the young man. 

“Thank you for helping doctor” Carrie stated with a smile as she watched him setting his equipment to his own liking.

“Please call me Colin” he replied, barely looking up. “Are we still on track for arrival?” he asked when he had finished.

“Final check in is due in ten minutes so we will be able to confirm then” Carrie stated. “Would you like a coffee?” she offered, keen for something to do to pass the time. He simply nodded with a smile- sensing that Peter obviously meant something to the woman in front of him, there would be time for him to find out some more about that he was sure of it. The woman scurried away to put the coffee maker on, he was surprised at how equipped the house was- but then he supposed it was supposed to look like a normal house. Five minutes later he headed downstairs and gratefully received his mug of steaming coffee. He leant against the table as he saw the two agents preparing to be patched in to a transmission and a few moments later the wait was over.

“Delta one we are in position” Rob’s tired voice confirmed over the air. 

“Situation update” Dar requested almost crossing his fingers.

“We took a battering at that last point, but we are in tact” Rob responded, simply confirming they had suffered no losses.

“Head to point Zulu- target of arrival is 0900hrs, you need to cross at point Alpha Whiskey Six Seven nine” Dar stated. Rob noted the code and repeated it back, all noted.

“Reception?” he asked.

 

“Arranged- codename mongoose 2 meet and greet” Dar confirmed. Rob breathed a sigh of relief. 

“All received- see you soon- out” he replied disconnecting. They were too close to home to risk being on air for too long. He looked through the code carefully. They had seventy minutes to travel just over a mile, that was more than doable for them. He decided to allow the team a further ten minutes rest, it was more dangerous to get there too soon and be waiting around. He updated the team quietly, cautiously optimistic that they would finally be safe. He finished beside Quinn- the man looked no worse, but he certainly looked no better either. 

“Nearly there man” he stated, Quinn barely nodded in response “you going to make it?” Rob asked quietly.

“Only one way to find out” Quinn responded with a sigh. The men sat in silence, pondering what they had been through and what was still to come. Soon it was time to muster, and get moving- it was time to get out of here. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Carrie and Saul sat in silence it was 0850 and they could not have been more nervous. Davies had left two hours ago to make sure the final checks were complete. Dar had promised that the distraction was arranged and everyone knew their role- but Carrie hated being so far away from where it was all to go down. She just had to wait a little over an hour and they should be on the way to this being over, but that hour was going to feel a mighty long time.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Yusef looked around, looking at the length of queues in each lane- they were almost even which worked in their favour- until ten men joined his all at once, but he had to hope Saul had arranged something, anything to remove attention from him. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“This is it guys- ditch as much kit as you can’ Rob instructed as the men stowed their rifles and webbing. Sidearms concealed in their fatigues, but no other means of defence by firearm anyway. Rob took a breath and moved forward, Dar had instructed them to all join the same queue at the same time- which was unusual, but he had to have faith it was for a reason. The lanes in front of them all seemed about the same length and were all moving at a similar pace. He nodded to the team and they moved forward, no hesitation or fear in their stride even if there were both in their hearts.   
Watchful eyes surveyed the queue, looking for any hint of danger before it was too late to withdraw. Rob ensured that Quinn was stood between him and Callum, a helping hand available if the gravely injured man needed it- there was no way he was going to allow him to fall at the final hurdle. He took another step further, one more step and it would be the point of no return- surrounded by military and police they would have no option but to approach the guard and hope for the best. With one final deep breath the moment came and he stepped forward the team following, refugees all around them and tradesmen that worked both sides despite the risk. He crossed his fingers and sent up a little prayer as he knew there was no chance to run now if it all went wrong.

Just as Rob was third in line there was an explosion to his right and suddenly there were guards and troops everywhere. People dropped to the ground and screams filled the air.   
He closed his eyes and his chin dropped to his chest, it was over- they were caught, they had to be. It had all been for nothing. 

End Chapter Nine


	10. Give Up the Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can Rob get the team to safety? Will Quinn survive long enough to let him?....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the reviews! I posted this one quickly due to the last chapter being so short! Please keep the reviews coming- I love hearing your thoughts.

Chapter Ten

“Keep moving” a voice urged to Rob quickly, through all the confusion- he knew instantly that the explosion was staged and he kept moving, knowing that the team would follow. “Delta two- mongoose 2 is waiting around the corner- you will know him when you see him” Yusef stated as he ushered each man through in turn- waiting long enough to not draw too much attention but quickly enough to get them all through. He barely glanced at the man that was clearly their prisoner- the less he knew the better as far as he was concerned, but within minutes the entire group were through and across the border, moving sedately to avoid anyone noticing them. Within minutes they saw a greengrocers van with a man leant against it smoking a cigarette. A large mongoose drawn on the side and Rob tried desperately not to smile. 

“Come on pretty boy- we are almost there” he whispered to the clearly struggling Quinn, he hooked his hand under the ailing man’s bicep and noticed Callum doing the same on the other side and they picked up the pace. Within a couple of minutes they were stowed in the back of the van the whole team hidden by apples and bananas and the next stage of their journey was underway.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

 

Carrie had bitten her nails down to the quick- this was fraying her last nerve, it was quarter past ten in the morning and they had no idea if things had gone to plan or not. Just as she was about to pick up her cell and call Dar for an update she heard a knock on the door- she rapped twice in reply and the coded knock that followed proved correct- she swung the door open and was greeted by the side view of a van. Then Davies appeared.

“Safe?” he asked.

“Safe” Carrie confirmed. Davies nodded and swung open the back of the van. Six grim, dirty and exhausted men stepped out one by one- finally followed by a man that was clearly their prisoner as he was pulled out by the sixth man. She watched, her nerves on edge as the team entered the house and double checked the security measures. She didn’t blame them given all they must have been through to get this far. She moved closer to the van- appreciating the isolated surroundings of safe house that allowed her such freedom of movement. She crossed her arms over her chest as she observed the last three men struggling to make their way out of the van. Two of them able bodied the third a mass of blood and bruises, his head down chin to chest as the two soldiers carried their friend between them.

“How is he?” she asked, her voice croaking at her words.

“Fighting on” Rob replied grimly as he carried his now unconscious friend in behind the operative. He wordlessly followed her- unspeakably proud of his friend for managing to last this long and bravely battling through to safety. Carrie walked through the house- guiding the three men up to the makeshift medical room where the doctor waited for them. He looked up as they walked into the room, unsurprised to see the familiar form of an unconscious Peter Quinn being gently carried. 

“Help me strip him down and get him on the bed” he requested softly. Carrie stepped back, into the doorway of the room, knowing she was of little help in the current environment. Colin winced as he saw the state of his newest patient. “Which one of you is the medic?” he asked as his patient was laid onto the bed in just his boxers.

“That’s me sir” Callum stated stepping forward. 

“Can you stay to give me a hand? Looks like you have done a fine job so far” he added as he looked at the neatly applied dressings.

“Anything to help sir” Callum replied shrugging off his jacket and moving to the en- suite to wash up. 

“I will update you two as soon as I know what we have- you should let Dar know they are safe” Colin told the two people stood watching. Rob hesitated- they had been through so much to get Quinn here it didn’t feel right to leave him now. He turned as he felt a gentle hand on his arm. 

“He’s in safe hands” Carrie stated as she lead the team leader out of the room. “I’m Carrie” she introduced her self as they walked down the stairs.

“Yes. I figured” he replied with a grin, she decided to let that slide for now, not really knowing what he meant by the comment. “Rob” he replied finally. She smiled and pointed him in the direction of the main bathroom- there’s a shower in there, I’d grab it before the rest of the guys jump the queue she told him with a smile. The offer was too good to resist as he made his way in and saw the fresh towel and stack of jeans and jumpers in various sizes. He stripped off and stepped under the warm flow of water, trying to let it cleanse away the last week- but knowing in his heart of hearts it would take more than a shower for that.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Colin sighed as he looked at the full extent of the injuries the operative had suffered. 

“I did my best” Callum stated as he misinterpreted the doctor’s reaction.

“I am pretty sure that you have saved his life” Colin replied making eye contact. Callum snorted at the comment. “What?”

“That bullet to the arm and the head wound were sustained when he tackled me to the ground and took them on by behalf” Callum explained as he recleaned said head wound. 

“Ah now that sounds like Peter” Colin commented, catching the young medic by surprise. 

“You know him?” he asked as he stopped what he was doing to look at the doctor in confusion. 

“I did- many years ago” he replied as he turned his attention to the younger man’s damaged leg. “You have done a good job with the dislocation” he commented as he checked the angle of the leg carefully and felt around the knee. He then reached behind him and pulled out a splint casing, which he gently eased underneath the injured limb. He then leaned forward and checked the open wound further up the leg, and winced at what he saw. “I have no idea how he managed to walk over twenty miles on this” the aging doctor stated with a sigh. He didn’t wait for an answer as he moved up to the injuries on the torso. “This is concerning, definitely the source of the infection” he moved towards the tray of tools and inserted a drain in the side of the injured man. Once he was satisfied with the positioning of the drain he had inserted he added a second IV to the pole. 

“You think he will be ok?” Callum asked softly.

“We need to push these antibiotics through him and he is badly dehydrated- not to mention the blood loss” Colin responded, “but I am most worried about this head injury- and we are so limited what we can do about it in this environment” he added. Callum nodded as he helped to fix the various bags on the pole the doctor had managed to acquire. 

“Should we try and bring him round?” the medic asked.

“No, no let’s finish up and when we have got some of this in to him we will see where the land lies” the doctor stated before he could a good look at the young medic beside him- seeing the lines of exhaustion on his face. “In fact I can finish here- you go and get cleaned up” he offered kindly. Callum took one last glance at his deeply unconscious friend before he nodded and turned to leave. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Colin adjusted the oxygen mask over the bruised face- covered in more stubble than usual. He checked the monitors and noted down the pulse ox and heart rate- elevated as was to be expected with the raging infection the man was fighting. He looked at the bump on the back of the younger man’s head, sighing at the lack of technology available to him to help the man that he was certain needed it. He pulled his light from his shirt pocket as he noted down the last of the readings- carefully he peeled open one eyelid and then the other flicking the beam into his eyes- surprised when the form on the bed flinched. He flicked the light again, and confused blue eyes flickered open and locked onto the face of the doctor. As consciousness came and realisation dawned so did the pain and his eyes screwed shut and he attempted to curl up in himself to protect his abdomen- his body’s natural response. But the wires and the brace on his leg prevented such movement. 

The doctor stepped forward and carefully applied pressure to Peter’s shoulders.

“Easy now Peter- calm down, just relax and let the pain killers do their work” he soothed gently as he injected into the cannula. The familiar voice got through to the younger man and he stopped struggling and attempted to control his breathing. He assessed what was hurting and although his body was a mass of aches and pains the medication had taken the edge off it and as long as he didn’t move too much he could cope. He reached to his face and pulled the oxygen mask away.

“What are you doing here?” he croaked, not opening his eyes as it felt like the light stabbed through it. 

“Dar called me- seems he trusts me to save your sorry arse” the brit replied, noting the injured man’s reaction to light. It had been several days since the original head injury had been sustained, and even though he hadn’t rested he shouldn’t still be so averse to light if it was a simple mild concussion- which suggested that it was more than that. Quinn snorted at the comment.

“You have practice I guess” he whispered, suddenly exhausted. Colin smiled at the reply, pleased that the man remembered him and could form sentences, but still concerned by the head injury. 

“I need you to stay awake for me Peter- just for a little while so I can assess your head injury” he warned gently squeezing his bare shoulder. 

“Always did like to torture me” Quinn commented as he squinted at the older man. Colin finally surrendered and moved to turn the main light off, leaving just the side lamp on so that he could see to work. “Thanks” Quinn conceded and he opened his eyes slightly wider. He swallowed past the nausea.

“You’re a mess Peter” the doctor stated. “On a scale of one to ten how’s the head” he asked.

“Sixty-two” Quinn whispered, still attempting to control his rebelling stomach.

“Double vision?” he asked and received a small nod. “Light hurts your eyes?” another nod. “Dizzy?” another nod. “Nauseous?” he asked and this time the answer came by the other man frantically turning his head, luckily experience and lightening reflexes saved the doctor from a disaster as he had a bowl under the face of the poorly man within a split second as he gagged and wretched up bile and the little water he had managed to consume. 

“Fuck me” Quinn uttered as he finally rested back against the bed, feeling absolutely truly awful as his head felt even worse. Colin smiled despite himself at the familiar fire the younger man was showing. 

“Easy Pete, just concentrate on your breathing” he soothed as he placed the mask back against his face tenderly. Quinn listened for once and settled back- he knew he could trust the other man implicitly, he had never given any reason to doubt so he knew that was precisely why Dar had brought him in in the first place.

“Where are we?” Quinn asked after a few moments, not opening his eyes and talking through the mask.

“Company safe house- Kilis” he replied simply. 

“When can we get out of here?” 

“Not until at least tomorrow- your new friend will be collected in a few hours, when the coast is clear you guys can move out” he informed him.

“The team is here?” Quinn asked.

“We sure are douche bag” a new voice joined the conversation and Rob stepped into the room, handing the doctor a cup of coffee and surveying the appearance of his friend. Quinn’s eyes cracked open to look at his friend.

“Everyone good?” Quinn asked seriously, too tired to even partake in the usual banter.

“We just need to get you sorted and everyone is good” Rob responded, moving closer. Quinn nodded lightly, closing his eyes and surrendering to the darkness. 

“How’s he doing?” Rob asked the doctor softly, his eyes not leaving the still face of his injured friend.

“Stubborn as ever” the doctor commented with a grimace. Rob snorted- Callum had filled him in on the apparent history of the two men- but he decided not to pry.

“It’s because of that stubbornness that he is still breathing” Rob commented and Colin nodded. 

“He needs a hospital, but with the correct care I think he will be ok. Has Dar come up with the plan to get him out of here yet?” he asked as he sipped at the coffee. 

“Not yet- we need the first extraction to be clear and then he can plan” the team leader responded drinking his own coffee and savouring the hit of caffeine. 

“I better go and update the others- do you mind staying with him?” the doctor asked. Rob nodded, it was in no doubt. He knew that once the blonde woman was in the room he would struggle to get a look in with his friend so he took the opportunity whilst it was there.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

 

The doctor updated the CIA leader quickly and professionally- it wasn’t the news that Dar had been hoping to hear, but he was unsurprised by the update. The aging operative was exhausted, but he couldn’t rest until he at least had the wheels in motion to get the team home- or at least closer to home. He checked his watch- it was only a few hours until the first extraction was due to take place- he needed that to go to plan, then he could arrange transport for the others. 

There were two options- local transport to a Turkish hospital, or attempt to get the entire team home to the states and to Walter Reed which was his preferred option for security- yet he didn’t know if Peter would survive the fifteen hour flight to get them there. He rubbed his face tiredly, he would need to see what the next day would bring and just pray that luck would be on their side. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Carrie was officially going out of her mind. The doctor had surfaced an hour ago and been on a call with someone almost the entire time. She knew he would be updating Dar, and it was important- but she was desperate to know how Quinn was doing. It was taking every single ounce of restraint to stop her from marching into the room to see him. She had promised Saul and Dar that she would control herself and she was trying to stick to her word. She looked up as the door swung open.

“How is he?” she asked the doctor softly, her arms folded across her chest as she anticipated the response.

“He is doing as well as can be expected” he responded softly, smiling at her kindly. “You can see him if you wish- as long as it isn’t likely to cause any upset?” he added carefully.

“I hope not” she responded with a sad smile and without looking back took the stairs two at a time to go to where she knew she belonged- right beside Peter Quinn.

End Chapter Ten


	11. Throw Up Your Arms Into the Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the wheels get set in motion to get the team out of there- will Carrie and Quinn finally be reunited?

Chapter Eleven

Rob looked up as the woman entered the room, and moved towards the sleeping figure on the bed.

“So you are the infamous Carrie Mathison huh?” he asked as he looked her up and down. 

“Infamous?” she asked in genuine confusion.

“I have known Peter for ten years- worked mission after mission with him and he has never written a letter” Rob told her, a sad tone to his voice as he spoke. 

“Sorry a letter? What letter?” she asked, genuinely confused.

“The letter that we all write before we go on missions- the letter to those we may leave behind” he explained gently. “Peter’s was addressed to you” he added with a small smile. Carrie gasped, genuinely shocked at the statement. 

“I had no idea” she stated, running her hand through her hair as she spoke. She moved forward towards the still figure on the bed, and surveyed his pale features. He looked so young as his face was relaxed- you would never realise that he was a trained killer. He had lost weight since she had last seen him, his features more drawn than she had ever known. He was a mess- she had known that, but knowing it and seeing it were two different things entirely. 

“He will be fine” Rob stated, as if sensing her emotions. 

“How can you be so sure?” she asked him, her eyes never leaving the injured man. 

“Because he always is- he is way too stubborn not to be, plus he knows we have unfinished business” Rob stated, his own eyes drifting towards his friend.

“And what might that be?” Carrie asked with a small smile, finding herself warming to the team leader.

“We only grabbed one target- there are still two to get” he stated, his gaze serious and his tone determined. Carrie sighed, hating the answer and the thought that she may lose Quinn all over again. 

Unconsciously she moved forward- her arm reaching out and her hand gently stroking her friend’s forearm. His skin warm to the touch and the contact sending a spark through her hand. Rob watched in interest at the tenderness the woman displayed towards his friend. There was clearly more to their relationship than work colleagues- but as usual Peter had been very tight lipped about anything that was remotely personal. 

Rob got to his feet and stepped back, feeling almost like he was intruding on an intimate moment, he smiled gently at Carrie before carefully edging past her and out of the room, leaving her by herself in the silence. 

Carrie was grateful for the solitude as she pulled the chair closer so she could sit, but still reach Quinn. She took in his features, relaxed in sleep. She swallowed as she thought of what possibly could have been but she was almost certain now never would be. She leaned further forward, and somehow found herself stroking his hair as he slept. Surprised when his eyelids flickered and suddenly she was looking into pain filled blue eyes.

“Hey” she greeted softly, her own eyes filling with tears as her emotions spilled out. Quinn squeezed his eyes shut in pain. Carrie stroked his face tenderly, attempting to offer him any comfort that she could. After a moment or two he managed to gather himself and carefully open his eyes, he lifted his left arm and pulled the mask away from his face.

“Carrie?” he asked tiredly, his eyes barely open. 

“Hey Quinn” she replied as she placed her hand on his cheek. He closed his eyes against the contact.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, barely moving. 

“I am here for you” she replied simply, as she reached forward and carefully placed the mask back over his face. “Relax, rest- I am not going anywhere” she promised gently stroking his face hoping he would stop fighting the sleep that his body desperately needed. His eyes slipped shut involuntarily and he was asleep within seconds. 

“It’s not like Peter to do as he is told when it comes to his own welfare” Colin stated from his position in the doorway. Carrie smiled to herself. 

“I am pretty sure he is just choosing his battles wisely” she finally responded, her gaze never leaving Quinn. Colin smiled, glad to see somebody that clearly cared very deeply for the young man- and he was clearly willing to accept the care. The doctor moved forward, checking the monitors and noting down the readings carefully. 

“How’s he doing?” Carrie asked softly.

“He’s strong and fit and stubborn as hell so I am sure he will be just fine” Colin replied. “Although we do need to get him out of here” he added with a sigh. He was pleased to see the temperature starting to go down, but he was certain that surgery would be required to fix the leg injury- and he really wanted the head injury to get seen to properly. 

“I’m working on it” Carrie stated softly, if she had any say at all Quinn would already be in a transporter and on his way home, and she was trying desperately to remember the reasons why he was still in a CIA safe house in Turkey when he was so poorly. Colin nodded, somehow he believed that the woman in front of him would be a force to be reckoned with when it came to getting her own way.

“So how do you know Quinn?” she asked when she finally drew her eyes away from the figure on the bed.

“We go way back- I owe him a lot” the doctor replied softly, changing the IV that dripped steadily into the patient. “He saved my family, and nearly got himself killed in the process” he added as he walked from the room. Carrie watched him leave, the tale and history of Peter Quinn just kept on twisting and turning with the more information that came to light. 

 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Rob paced as he waited for the other team to arrive to take the prisoner from them, the sooner that was done the sooner they could look at options to get the rest of them out of there. He took a bite of the sandwich that the medic had hastily handed to him and shook his head. He had no idea how they had even ended up here- it seemed strange to be so still and relaxed when they had spent so long literally fighting for their lives and running to safety. He thought back to what he had told Carrie- he hadn’t been lying This had only been the first stage of their mission- the specialist team selected precisely for the skills that had helped them survive so far. 

He knew Peter Quinn and he knew that he was a dedicated, diligent and professional operator- but yet he did hesitate to come in the first place and he was fairly certain that was due to the blonde woman that currently sat beside him. He chewed thoughtfully- at least she was agency so she would understand his mentality. 

He sighed, he couldn’t imagine Quinn leaving the agency- he knew that the taller man had considered it a number of times, even gone through the process. He understood- he really did. Quinn had always been more sensitive to the destruction around them than he had- always known that their work came at a cost that didn’t sit very comfortably with him. He had heard about the child in Caracas and of course about the incident in Islamabad and he knew without doubt that both would weigh heavily on his friend’s mind- he wouldn’t be able to help it. But he hoped beyond hope that the difference that they made and the lives that they saved would be enough to keep the skilled operative in the game. It didn’t even cross his mind that Quinn wouldn’t recover fully from his injuries- he always did. 

He glanced at his watch and headed back to join the team, he knew that Echo were due in twenty minutes, all they had to do was make the exchange and then leave the rest to the other team. After that it was simply a case of planning their own exit. He was half surprised that Dar had stated they were all returning to the States. He had pretty much expected for the exhausted and depleted team to be redeployed as soon as the injured had been extracted, he smiled to himself- glad that he was going to get a chance to go home. His partner was understanding- but there were limits to her patience. 

 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“They all patched up?” Rob asked the doctor as he left the room just as the team leader was entering.

“Ready to fight another day” Colin responded with a grin, knowing full well that the special ops team would not be given too much of a break. Rob returned the grin.

“Hopefully just with wives and girlfriends for now” he stated and the doctor quirked an eyebrow in response. “We are all going stateside as soon as its safe and Peter is fit” he explained with a small smile.

“Pleased to hear it!” Colin stated, and he meant it. The group looked like they needed the break, plus he would be happier knowing that his charge was getting adequate medical attention in a safe military hospital. 

“Will he be fit to fly?” the smaller man asked, his voice laced with concern for his friend. Colin paused as he considered his answer.

“I would have my concerns- it’s a long flight and he still hasn’t had the head injury checked- god only knows what the pressure of a plane could do to him” he replied, Rob sighed. “We need to have a plan by tomorrow” he stated with a grimace.

“I know- if we can get control of the infection I will be able to make a better assessment of him, hopefully he will be able to stay awake long enough for me to gauge” he added with a sigh. If only there was a way to get Peter to a local hospital if just to use the scan, but he knew it would be way too risky for the American operative. 

“I need to help the team with the handover, then let me speak to Dar and see if we can get a plan cobbled together” Rob requested carefully. Colin nodded, trying to consider what they would actually do to get the injured agent home safely. He sighed as he turned and headed back upstairs to the makeshift medical room- time to check on the subject of his thoughts. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Carrie had completely lost track of time as she sat with her gaze locked on the still figure beside her. She unconsciously ran her hands through his hair as he got much needed rest. His familiar features were relaxed as he slept on, his breathing more settled and he had stopped crying out as he slept. She couldn’t believe that she was finally sat beside him it had been such a rollercoaster to get them both here and now she just wanted to make sure that he was safe. She placed her free hand on his forearm, below the bandages that covered his bullet wound, needing the skin to skin contact, and the reassurance of the feel of the warm, very much alive figure on the bed. Her hand stroked the longer than usual stubble on his cheek as she took in every detail of his face. It was due to this focus that she noticed the faintest flicker of his eye lids as he started to come around. It had only been seven hours since they had made it safely to the Safe house, but he was already starting to look slightly better. He stirred beneath her hand and finally his eyes flickered fully open and pain filled blue orbs looked straight at her. He swallowed painfully- his throat as dry as the desert. 

“Hey” he greeted croakily.

“How you feeling?” she asked, not taking her hand away from his face. He considered her question and attempted to assess exactly how he did feel. 

“Better” he finally replied, although his face betrayed how bad he really did feel, he was still too pale for her liking and he was squinting even in the low light showing how much his head had to be hurting him. She smiled at his words- it was so Quinn to not admit he was hurting that she loved him even more for it. 

“Glad to hear it” the doctor interjected as he wandered back into the room. “I need to examine Peter here- so why don’t you go and get a coffee? It’s about handover time too” he added in an attempt to pique her interest.

“Go Carrie- I’m fine” Quinn told her with a small smile, she sighed as she let go of him and did as the doctor said.

“I’ll be back soon” she promised. She wanted to stay, wanted to be by his side, offer him comfort, hold him through the pain and draw him close from his nightmares. She knew she had to go and check on the plan, had to help find a way to get them all home- then she could work on being all of the things that she wanted to be. She also needed to think about he what he would want- he was a proud man, not used to being cared for- she didn’t want to smother him, she turned and left although every part of her longed to stay. 

“She clearly thinks a lot of you” Colin stated with a smile. Quinn closed his eyes- there was no way he was going there right now, he lacked the energy or the inclination. 

“What’s the plan?” he asked, ignoring the previous comment.

“We need to work out how we are going to get you home- safely” the doctor replied, already making notes and checking readings. “On a scale of one to ten how’s the head?” he asked. 

“Nine” Quinn replied honestly, well to be honest it was probably a full on ten but they both knew he would never admit to that. Colin sighed, although at least the stubborn man was being honest. He reached for his penlight and shone it in one eye and then the other, not missing how Quinn lost even more colour as he did so. 

“I am not happy with the head injury Pete” he stated with a grimace.

“I’m not skipping about it either” Quinn muttered as he kept his eyes closed. Colin moved down to his patient’s torso, checking the ribs and not missing the sharp inhalation it brought. He smiled to himself, Peter always had been good at hiding pain, the dressing remained in place over the worst of the wounds to his abdomen, so he moved to the battered and damaged leg. Again he didn’t like what he saw. The knee was splinted in place, although it was swollen and bruised- there was clearly internal damage beyond the dislocation, and the quad looked angry and definitely in need of further treatment. Treatment he was in no way equipped to provide in these conditions. 

“How’s it look?” Quinn asked softly, knowing that the pain killers were masking most of the pain it was hard to tell how bad off he was.

“That will need surgical intervention Peter” Colin told him honestly and Quinn sighed, frustrated with the damage to his body. “Relax it’s only been a few hours!” the doctor berated him gently, sensing the growing frustration in the younger man already. 

“They won’t leave until I can go with them” the injured and exhausted man commented, and straight away the doctor knew exactly what he meant.

“We’ll get you out of here Peter- we just need to work out how” he added with a grin. “Think you can sit up?” he then asked, if they were going to be looking at moving him the next day they had least had to make him semi mobile. 

 

“If it means being able to get out of here I will walk” Quinn stated, moving to swing his legs off the bed.

“Hey slow down! You’re going to undo all my hard work” the doctor chastised him with a smile. “Callum will be here in a second to help” he stated just as a knock came at the door to confirm the arrival of the field medic. “Come in” Colin hollered and the younger man stepped in- grinning at Quinn.

“Hey- you’re looking better” he stated, still smiling.

“You’re a terrible liar” Quinn croaked in response, appreciating the effort regardless. “Come on, help me up” he stated gesturing to both men. Wordlessly Callum moved and placed a hand on either side of the splint protecting the damaged knee, whilst Colin stayed near Quinn’s head, and between the three of them carefully eased him into a seated position. They paused as he was sat up on the bed, the chair moved forward to support the damaged leg. Quinn closed his eyes and fought to control his breathing as dizziness overwhelmed him. Callum moved closer to his shoulder- the protectiveness not lost on the doctor.

“Just breathe Quinn” he stated gently, squeezing the injured man’s shoulder. Quinn nodded without comment, trying to regain control of himself. 

“I’m ok” he stated after a few moments. 

“Yep the picture of health” Callum commented holding back a chuckle. Quinn shot him a warning glance, and looked at his leg for the first time since he had made it back to the safe house. He winced as he looked at his clearly swollen knee and the damage to his upper leg. 

“Is the plan to go directly back stateside?” he asked as he attempted to stretch his back and see how mobile he was likely to be. 

“Rob is due to contact Dar in a few hours to establish the plan” Callum replied, standing back with his hands resting on his hips. Quinn sighed, a fifteen hour plane journey did not fill him with enthusiasm but he wanted to get the team home- so he would suck it up and do what he needed to do. He closed his eyes, exhausted and in pain, he just wanted to sleep and then wake up and find himself at home. 

“Hey stay with us” Colin prompted him gently nudging his arm. Quinn blinked as he fought to stay awake. He knew he needed to look livelier and show he could be mobile- but he was so exhausted and every movement just brought him more pain he was struggling to fight through. 

“Come on man, just a few more days and we can be home” Callum stated as he edged closer to his friend, worried he was going to have to move to catch his him at any moment. Quinn sighed and pulled himself together.

“You’re going to make me see if I can stand aren’t you?” he asked with his chin resting on his chest as if he lacked the energy to hold it upright, 

“Might be an idea to try” Colin stated, not very pleased with the situation himself. All he wanted to do was set his old friend up in a proper hospital, with the correct monitoring and diagnostic tests and then to oversee his treatment himself. He certainly didn’t want to bundle him on a plane with only basic care and just hope for the best.   
Callum gently took hold of his friend on his injured side, his grip gentle and his gaze concerned. Colin replicated the action on the other side, and Quinn gingerly pushed himself up on his uninjured leg. As he made it upright, he felt the world tilt and suddenly he was pitching forward unable to do anything to stop himself. Luckily the two men had a firm hold of him and gently eased him back onto the bed where Colin pushed his head gently down, being careful to not rip open the still healing wounds. Quinn drew in ragged breaths as he tried desperately to stop his head from swimming.   
The two men made eye contact, sharing looks of concern for their poorly friend. They were going to struggle if the expectation was for the injured man to walk on to a plane- the doctor wasn’t even convinced the man would survive the journey. He nodded to the medic, who carefully took hold of the damaged leg and assisted in helping the agent back into a horizontal position, unsurprised to find that the man had passed out. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“Dar he is definitely not walking wounded” Colin told his old friend later that evening “he can’t even stand up without passing out” he added quietly. Dar sighed on the other end of the call, he knew Peter was injured and clearly needed continued care- but he hadn’t realised how badly his young protégé was still struggling.

“Will he be fit to fly?” he asked, hoping that it would be possible.

“Possibly- not commercially though- just waiting to board would wipe him out- now if you can sort military transport- so that he can be secured in a bed for transit with some sort of medical support then it will be possible” Colin reasoned, knowing that it was a perfectly possible solution to get the team out, but not knowing what timescales Dar had to work towards.

“Can you get further leave to make the journey with him?” Dar asked- and somehow the doctor had known the question was coming. He sighed and didn’t answer straight away. “Come on Colin, Peter trusts you- he will actually do as you tell him- you said it yourself he needs medical support” 

“Fine- fine Dar- let me see what I can do, but only on the condition that you look at what you can do” he added.

“I will call you in two hours for an update” was all that Dar stated in reply. Colin sighed knowing that he would be getting on a flight back to the US the next day- and he also knew he wouldn’t have it any other way, he wouldn’t trust anyone else with Peter now- he just wished that Dar couldn’t read him quite so easily. 

 

End Chapter Eleven


	12. When You're at the End of the Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surely after all they have been through- the team will be able to make it home to safety!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to my lovely reviewers!! I know it's a long story so thank you so much for sticking with it!  
> Extra special thanks to Frangipaniflower- hope you are feeling better!

Chapter Twelve

As soon as the target had been extracted and the loose plan had been discussed with Dar, Carrie found herself back beside Quinn. He hadn’t regained consciousness since his failed attempt at standing earlier in the evening, and if anything he looked even paler than before. But he was here and he was alive- and for that Carrie thanked every single God that she could think of. 

She found herself stroking his hair gently, hoping that even in his unconscious state he may take some comfort from it- feel the love that it was loaded with. In less than twenty-four hours they should all be on their way home and in two days time the injured man should finally be receiving the full treatment that he obviously needed. She was glad that the British Doctor would be travelling with them- Quinn obviously meant a lot to him, something that she was hoping to get to the bottom of, and there was something about the man that just made her know she could trust him. 

“Has he woken up yet?” another voice asked softly behind her.

“Not since he passed out” she replied with a grimace. Saul moved forward to take a look at the injured man and he sighed- Peter looked shocking, there was no other way to describe it. 

“If Dar could see him he would understand the concern” he commented sadly. 

“Is he not arranging a military flight?” Carrie queried in confusion.

“I don’t know yet- update in an hour hopefully- but he needs to. We need to get this boy home” he added. Carrie nodded in full agreement, she had so many things that she wanted to say to Quinn, so many words she needed him to understand- he had to know how much he meant to her or she would never forgive herself. But would he want to hear it? Had she hurt him so badly it was irreparable? She prayed it wasn’t- somehow she couldn’t imagine her life without the black ops agent in it. It made her deeply sad to even think about it. “I will keep you informed” Saul told her as he squeezed her shoulder, leaving her alone with her friend. 

She sighed as he left and edged closer to Quinn, her fingers running through his silky dark hair- grateful for the chance to be close to him.

“Why did you run Quinn? I was coming back- it was a yes! A big fat yes, but you ran back to Syria before I could tell you” she told him, the words flowing easily to her captive audience. “I was an idiot- I was chasing ghosts in Missouri when I should have been with you- like you have always been there for me. You made it out of Islamabad despite a kill order and the first thing you do is come to my Dad’s funeral? What sort of an idiot doesn’t appreciate how important that is?” she added, her frustration at herself leaking into her words. “I’m sorry Quinn, so so sorry” she stated, and turned to look at his face- shocked to see dazed blue eyes looking back at her.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“What time is it scheduled for?” Rob asked his boss.

“Earliest we could get clearance is 1500hrs” Dar responded, he had hoped to get the team out sooner- but it was the best he could manage. “Dr Wood will be travelling and the medical team have been made aware to expect us” he added, trying to show his team leader that it was all in hand. 

“What’s the update on the rest of the mission?” Rob asked, needing to get it straight in his head how long he was likely to be home for.

“Target Bravo has moved out of the vicinity- we have intel gathering in place, but no deployment yet” Dar answered, in a way although it delayed them in capturing a high value asset it did work in their favour that he would have more time to get the team fighting fit before deploying them again for this specific op. It needed doing- but it needed doing right- he needed the right team on the job. 

“All received- I will make sure the team are briefed- Callum is already planning on assisting the doc on the flight” Rob added with a sigh- the medic was a professional and very much took his duties seriously- but he was also Peter’s friend and was adamant that he would help him to get safely back home. 

“Good- it will hopefully keep the pair of them out of trouble” Dar stated with a grin. “Further contact at 1100hrs- be ready to roll” he instructed.

“Copy that” Rob acknowledged. They had less than twelve hours and then they should at least know how they were planning on getting home. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“How much of that did you hear?” Carrie asked with a grimace, she had meant every word of her rant, but she had thought him deeply unconscious, otherwise she wouldn’t have said any of it.

“Just the part about you being an idiot- but I already knew that” Quinn replied, his eyes holding a sparkle that she had missed so very much. She laughed despite herself and gently went back to her position beside the bed, gently holding his forearm. 

“I am sorry” she stated, she had never been more genuine in a statement than those three words. Quinn closed his eyes, he was all over the place and somehow he just couldn’t face this conversation now, not like this- not doped up on painkillers and barely able to keep his eyes open. He needed to think, really truly think about what he wanted and what he could have. 

“I know” he whispered, his eyes briefly meeting hers before the eyelids slid shut as sleep was the better option. Carrie chuckled, she hadn’t known what to expect when she had finally raised the subject with Quinn- but it hadn’t been this. Mind you she hadn’t intended on raising the subject at all just yet. She knew he had given her a reprieve- given both of them time to collect their thoughts, and she was deeply grateful for that.   
“Get some rest Quinn- I will be right here when you wake up” she told him tenderly, her elbow resting on the side of the bed as her other hand caressed him. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Rob stretched as he got off the bed roll, he had attempted sleep- managed a few hours, but anything beyond that was evasive. He began packing up the few items that he had with him and folding up the sleeping bag, he knew the local station would come and clear the whole house out- to erase any trace that they had ever been there, but he needed something to do. The update from Dar had been exactly as he suspected, military transport direct from Madin to Washington and then hopefully transfer directly to hospital. 

“It will be fine Rob” Callum stated, looking the smaller man in the eye. He could sense the concern from the team leader- and in all honesty he felt exactly the same. It had been months since any of them had set foot back in the states, it still seemed so very far away. 

“It had better be” Rob replied, he slung his bag over his shoulder and walked out the room. He needed to contact Davies and arrange the final details of their extraction. He just hoped they could get it all in place.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

 

Carrie looked up as the door opened, noticing the doctor stepping through the doorway.

“Is it time to move?” she asked pensively. 

“We need to get him ready- transport arrives in thirty minutes” he told her. 

“What can I do?” Carrie asked, keen to help wherever she could. 

“I think it’s for the best if you get your own house in order- Callum will assist me with Peter” the doctor stated- his tone kind but firm. She sighed, she had already anticipated this response.

“Let me know if you need anything” she told him, gently squeezing Quinn’s arm as she got up to leave. Colin moved forward and carefully began disconnecting leads, he left the IVs still running- they would hopefully remain in situ for transport, he had to give Peter as much of a fighting chance as possible.

“Hey you with me?” he asked the patient as he gently squeezed his shoulder, Quinn stirred after a few moments- his expression dazed and his pupils large. Quinn winced immediately and pain lines were clearly evident in his face. “Headache?” Colin queried in concern. The smallest of nods came in reply, the doctor sighed- he was so limited what he could do- painkillers weren’t due for another thirty minutes- timed on purpose. 

“I’m ok” Quinn rasped as he knew he had to be. Even in his painful and mixed up mind he knew that they were due to leave at any time- he had to be in a position to hustle, he just couldn’t put the team at risk.

“You’re far from ok Peter- but just hang on in there buddy” he reassured him, just hoping that he could help his friend through these very last few hours in his journey home. Peter closed his eyes, just concentrating on breathing through the pain. “I am going to finish off packing the supplies we will need, then Callum will be here to help me get you ready, so rest up for a few minutes” he told the injured man softly. 

“Thanks” Peter whispered, his eyes closed as exhaustion overcame him. It felt like seconds, but in reality it was ten minutes when Callum appeared beside him. 

“Wake up man- it’s time to go” he said softly, noting the sheen of sweat on the operative’s face.

“Just get me up” Quinn stated with a groan- he was certain this wasn’t going to be pleasant so there was no point in delay. Callum carefully swung the injured leg off the bed and brought Quinn up to a seated position. He couldn’t help the grunt of pain that came from him and the involuntary tightening of his grip on the edge of the bed. 

“Easy man, just settle and then we’ll get you to the chair” Calum warned him as Colin took the fluids from the IV pole and placed them on the bed. Gently Colin pulled a loose T-shirt over the injured man’s naked torso, and handed a pair of baggy shorts to the medic to assist. Between them they got him dressed, and they were ready to go.

“Just get it over with” Quinn stated, his voice shaky and his entire body trembling from the meagre exertion. Callum sighed and moved the wheelchair closer, knowing that Quinn was going to hate this almost as much he hated hurting him like this “You gotta be fucking kidding me?” Quinn mumbled as he caught sight of the wheelchair.

“If you fancy getting to your feet and walking out under your own steam feel free” Callum stated with his arms folded across his chest. He watched as the senior agent’s jaw clenched, his eyes flashing with the fire that made him so good at his job, then he saw all of the fight go out of him, as his shoulders dropped and he sighed to himself. 

“Just do it” he finally conceded, his eyes remaining closed. Callum sighed sadly, and stepped forward, carefully placing his hands under the armpits of his friend and in one swift movement he was off the bed and secured in the chair, shaking and sweating, but he was there alive and in the chair. He gently lifted his leg and placed it on the support, he would try everything possible to make sure that there was no further damage caused to his friend. 

“You still with us Pete?” the medic asked as he knelt down in front of his friend. Quinn nodded, desperately clinging on to consciousness. The two men exchanged a glance and between them began easing the chair out of the room, before picking it up between them and carrying it down the stairwell. Callum tried to not notice the white knuckle grip his friend had on the arm of the chair- or the small grunts of pain that escaped him at the movement. All three men breathed sighs of relief when they reached the bottom. 

“It’s time for the good stuff Peter” Colin told him with a grin before injecting him with some much needed pain killers- enough to take the edge of, but not too much to knock him out.

“Hey here he is! Nice of you to join us shit head” Rob’s cheery voice greeted the group, Quinn couldn’t help but chuckle at the familiar greeting.

“Hey” he greeted with a smile. 

“You good?” the team leader asked him, his tone more serious.

“Just peachy” Quinn responded with a grimace.

“Let’s stop messing around and get the hell out of here then” Rob stated as he picked up the kit bags and headed out of the house to the awaiting van. He swung them in and had a final check around the main body. The rest of the team had left on separate transport earlier- due to all meet back for a debrief in 48 hours. He just needed to get the rest of them to safety- then he could relax. He moved back to the house and nodded to the medics stood beside him. “Let’s go” he instructed, moving to one side of the chair and helping the field medic to get the injured man out. They carefully pushed him to the back of the van- getting as close as possible. “I think this bit’s going to hurt man” Rob warned his friend gently, with a wince. 

“Just do it Rob” Quinn stated with a sigh. He knew it was going to hurt- but there was no way round it. The team leader nodded to the medic beside him and between the two they hoisted Quinn up- ignoring the immediate muted scream of agony that the action brought, they had him to his feet and eased into the back of the van.

“Fuck” the black ops man hissed as he was carefully eased down onto the makeshift bed at the back corner of the van. He closed his eyes and fought desperately to regain control of his breathing.

“That’s it man- try and stay with us” Callum soothed him gently, squatting down in front of the clearly struggling man. 

“Gonna be sick” Quinn murmured, just as his stomach rebelled. Callum was fortunate that he just managed to ease a bag underneath his friend’s mouth as he began coughing and spluttering. Quinn groaned as his head exploded and his vision blurred, completely spent he leaned back against the cool metal of the van and closed his eyes. “Let’s get the fuck out of here” he stated, his voice a bare whisper and his eyes remaining closed. Callum grimaced, he was genuinely worried about his friend, seriously doubted whether he would be strong enough to make the journey. Rob looked at the bigger man with a scowl, both of them drawing the same conclusions and sharing the same doubt- but there was no choice, they had to get out. With one final glance Rob stepped out and assisted the doctor in stepping in, then he moved to the front of the van and jumped in beside Davies. 

Carrie took one last look at the house, locked up and climbed into the rear of the van. She moved closer to her friend, perched on the floor at his feet, being careful to avoid the damaged leg. 

“We good?” she asked, and without any further comments she felt the hum of the van as the engine started.

Finally they were on their way home. She just said a little prayer that they would make it.

End Chapter Twelve


	13. And You Lost All Sense of Control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the longer than usual wait for this update! Real life well and truly took over with night shifts all weekend and an important exam yesterday so I had no time for this!!  
> Sorry and I promise to do better!  
> Please review and thank you for your support so far.

Chapter Thirteen

Every bump and every turn in the road sent a jolt of pain through Quinn, but he kept his eyes screwed shut, his head leaning against the side of the van and refused to cry out. This journey had to happen regardless of how much pain he was in- there was no point in drawing further attention to it, or making it even worse for everyone else. He right arm curled around his torso- holding his injured ribs, he tried not to think about the damage to his body, he had come back from worse. 

“How you holding up?” a gentle voice whispered next to him. 

“I’m fine Carrie” he replied, without moving an inch. She snorted in response.

“Sure you are Quinn, sure you are” she stated sadly. She knew it was a coping mechanism, a way of protecting himself from any further hurt or pain- he had never had anyone to care for him, never had anyone to offer him comfort, so what was the point in admitting he was in pain. She handed him a cool bottle of water and unscrewed the cap. “Have a drink” she prompted him, he turned his head away, not willing to risk it. “You need to drink Quinn” she stated firmly. He cracked his eyes open to look at her.

“Leave it Carrie” he hissed, he just wanted to get through the journey- just manage until then without any issues. She backed down, suddenly realising that he was struggling more than he was letting on. She put the cap back on the bottle and set it to one side, gently placing her hand on his uninjured knee and squeezing. 

“Sorry Quinn” she stated, realising that she needed to listen to him. He nodded, too tired for words. 

“How much further?” he asked, his voice barely a whisper as he fought to maintain himself.

“Another 300km Quinn” she told him with a sigh. He flinched, knowing that even in the best conditions he had three hours left of this journey- which he knew was due to be followed by a fifteen hour flight. “We are changing vehicles at Gaziantep- hopefully it will be more comfortable” she told him as she stroked his thigh. He snorted at her words- then felt a cough rise in his chest, which soon started off a coughing fit, pain rushing through his entire body as he struggled to gain control of his breathing. Carrie felt herself carefully pushed aside as the doctor moved his way over to the struggling agent.

“Come on now Peter- try and breathe through it” he soothed the man gently as he prepared a syringe and carefully injected it into his friend, watching as his face finally relaxed into a drug induced sleep. “I’m surprised he lasted as long as he has” Colin stated with a sigh, checking the obs of his stubborn friend. 

“Will he be ok?” Carrie asked him, as she shuffled backwards to allow him room. 

“This journey is taking it’s toll on him, but we always knew it would” he stated. “I will be able to check him over properly when we stop for the switch” he told her. 

“How did you end up in this field of work?” Carrie asked him softly.

“Medicine or my side line?” he asked with a smile.

“The side line” Carrie responded, interested in her friend’s history with the doctor.

“I was an army doctor- I worked a joint op with American service personnel ten years ago. That’s when I met Peter” he explained with a grimace.

“Where was it?” 

“Afghanistan- I was deployed there for my medical knowledge and combat skills. Sent with our Special Forces. Unbeknown to me at the time we were joined by some of our Agency Ops guys- Peter here was one of them” he explained softly. “I am pretty sure it was one of his first missions, the kid looked about twelve years old” he said with a chuckle. Carrie smiled, enjoying hearing about Quinn’s past. 

“He would have only been in his mid 20s” she realised as she thought of him a highly trained special ops agent for the CIA at such a young age- and deployed into the middle of a warzone. 

“Yep- but you could already tell he was going to be a natural” Colin stated with a wry smile. “It got messy and pretty tricky there for a while- Peter’s team somehow managed to get us all extracted and still take out their target. We got back to Cyprus and they just disappeared. I met him again just over five years later” he explained.

“What happened then?” she asked realising that would be not long between and then and when she had met him for the first time. 

“That’s Peter’s story to tell” he told her, turning his attention back to the man that had come to mean so much to him. Carrie paused at that comment, making a mental note to delve deeper into what he meant. She looked up as she felt the vehicle slowing down, and moved forwards towards the cab.

“What’s going on?” she asked Rob in a whisper.

“Traffic” he replied, his eyes searching the area for any sign of anything untoward.

“Genuine traffic?” she asked in concern.

“I hope so” he replied, as he leaned back in his seat- the picture of relaxation despite his watchful eyes. 

“There’s a roadblock” Davies commented as he caught sight of the lights in front.

“Plan B then” Rob stated calmly- there was no way he was getting his friend this far to fail now- they would make it to the airport and they would make it on time for that flight, if it was the last thing he did. 

 

“Sazgin?” Davies asked, softly and Rob nodded, reaching for his burner phone to arrange the alternative RV point. He edged the van forward and indicated before turning off to take the back routes through to the industrial area where they were due to change vehicles. The new route would add extra time onto their journey- but it was necessary to avoid being slung into a Turkish jail or worse. Rob typed the number into the phone and waited for it to be answered.

“Yeh?” Saul greeted, no contact had been scheduled so he knew something had to have gone off plan.

“Switch to plan B” Rob spoke firmly.

“Noted” Saul responded disconnecting the call with a sigh and getting back into the hired minivan he turned the vehicle around and set off twenty miles down the road, wondering exactly what had altered the plan. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

 

Carrie held on to the roof as she felt the van bounce beneath her, as it was driven away from the main road, and as soon as Davies was sure it was clear he had veered off onto a track, cutting out any CCTV or monitoring equipment. The jostling of the van brought Quinn out of his drug induced sleep and he groaned as he was brought back to semi awareness. In his confused state he tried to sit up- only to find himself gently pushed back by the doctor.

“Easy Pete- stay laid down” he stated softly, automatically doing as he was told by the familiar voice. He groaned again as the wheels hit another bump in the dirt covered road and he was knocked against the side. His face was covered in a sheen of sweat and his eyes were squeezed shut as he fought against the pain. “Take it steady” Colin shouted out as he braced himself against the side of the van. Davies winced as he realised the discomfort the journey must be causing.

“Five minutes doc- five minutes and we will be there. Saul should have everything in place” the Station Chief told him and he slowed down slightly to make the journey less bouncy. 

“He won’t have five minutes if you keep throwing him around” Colin whispered forcefully. Rob turned round at the comment and saw Carrie knelt beside his friend, gently stroking his sweaty hair back from his face. He smiled, relieved to see someone caring so strongly for his friend, but he wished it was in better circumstances. Davies slowed down slightly and turned onto the smoother track as he drove to safety as carefully and quickly as he could.

 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Saul, moved around the vehicle quickly, grabbing the keys and jumping in- he set off to the new RV. The new mode of transport secure and making good time. He glanced at his watch- they had less than four hours to get to the plane, he needed to get moving and hope they would make it- otherwise he had no idea what plan C was going to be. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

After what felt like an eternity Davies finally turned into an industrial estate, driving the van between two units and reversing back through the double doors before turning the engine off.

“Everyone ok?” he asked as he breathed a sigh of relief at the answering nod.

“Is Saul here?” Carrie asked, looking around her as she opened the van doors. 

“Not yet” Rob replied with a sigh as he stepped out of the cab and moved towards the doors- his eyes alert and absorbing the environment as he checked the integrity of the site. Just as he went to turn around he saw a vehicle turn onto the road that lead to them, he stepped back against the doorframe and pulled his side arm out of his belt, removing the safety and adjusting his grip so he could react in an instant if required. He watched as it approached, only lowering his arm as the headlamps flashed in the recognised code and Saul made his appearance.

The mini bus pulled into the warehouse and the engine was off within seconds, Saul stepped out and stretched his aching back.

“What took you so long?” Carrie greeted him with a smile. 

“Stopped for a movie” he replied with a grin, as he opened the back doors. 

“I need to check Peter over first” Colin warned them all softly. Carrie nodded, knowing that would be the case, whereas Saul attempted to not show his frustration. Rob and Callum stepped into the van and carefully helped Quinn step out. The injured man looked like death warmed up, literally. He was pale and shaking and looked like he could barely summon the energy to breath. Between the two team members he was carried over to the mini bus and sat down on the open boot, only the support of the team leader stopping him from keeling over. 

“I’m ok- lets just get going” Quinn whispered, his eyes mere cracks in his pale face. He was exhausted and in pain, but he was still a Black Ops agent and he needed to get them all home, now and the longer they delayed the more danger they were all in. 

“Peter I need to check you out” Colin told him firmly, stepping forward- surprised when Quinn raised his hand towards him. 

“No” he stated, his voice finally carrying some strength. “No- we need to leave now, he cannot miss that flight Colin” he told him, his tone leaving no room for argument. The doctor sighed, the stubbornness of the man returning full force he could stand and argue or he could pack him up carefully into the mini bus and start the next leg of the journey home. He knew when he was beaten. He sighed again before reluctantly nodding and moving to help his friend get in the back of the bus, gently taking his weight and trying to ignore the heat radiating from him, he settled him in and showed no surprise whatsoever when Carrie sat in the seat directly behind him, allowing the doctor the seat next to wounded man. 

Colin injected more antibiotics into the cannula he had left in his friend’s hand. 

“You are doing all you can” Quinn whispered, somehow trying to reassure his friend, and Colin felt a pang of sadness strike him in the chest. 

“Well you better do all you can too Peter- I haven’t wasted all this energy and travellers cheques to get you out of here for nothing” Colin replied, his voice just as low. Quinn smiled weakly as he allowed his eyes to drift shut and sleep to reclaim him. 

“Everyone set?” Saul asked as he clicked his seatbelt into place.

“Yep- lets roll” Rob confirmed from his position in the front. Callum stepped in and pulled the back door shut as he climbed in beside Carrie and with one final wave to Davies they set off for what would hopefully be the final and easiest leg of their journey. 

End Chapter Thirteen


	14. When Your Thoughts Have Taken Their Toll

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quinn and co are on the home stretch of their journey to the airport- surely nothing else can go wrong on their crusade to get the injured man home?...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my loyal reviewers!! I really hope you are still enjoying this story, the pace has obviously slowed down as he move into the next phase of the story, but I hope your still enjoy!

Chapter Fourteen

The next three hours passed in a haze of pain for Peter Quinn, he barely registered the movements of the vehicle as they moved quickly towards the airport. Carrie couldn’t take her eyes off the pale and sweaty face of the man who had come to mean so very much to her. She glanced at her watch- they had one hour until the flight and they were cutting it fine- so fine.

“How much further?” she asked Callum beside her. He glanced at the map that he could just see in front and sighed.

“Still 40 km” he finally replied, his own expression tense. There was no room for error here, they had to make it- there was no back up plan, and there was no way Quinn would survive much longer without proper medical care. 

“Will we make it?” she asked, dreading the answer. 

“Maybe” was all that Callum could say in response, he glanced at his friend, concern and fear for him written all over his face. Carrie nodded at his answer, knowing that there was little else to say she concentrated on leaning forward and gently stroking her friend’s hair- willing to offer whatever comfort she could to him. 

“We will make it” Rob stated emphatically overhearing the conversation from behind him. There was no way on earth he was going to fail his friend now- they would make it if it was the last thing he did. 

Saul glanced at him, he had never met the members of Quinn’s team before but he was impressed with their sense of family and camaraderie. They were a unit and they looked after each other- he could almost sense why somebody with the upbringing Quinn had experienced would relish that- it brought him something he had probably never had in his young life. It didn’t mean Saul was keen to see him returning to that life- far from it, if he could have kept the younger man on his team for the rest of his service he would have been happy- but something seemed to pull the other man back to the World of Black Ops- there was no denying he was extremely talented at it, not just the final kill- but the formulation of plans to get to that stage. The quick way his mind worked and processed new information was second to none- and that was before even considering his marksmanship. 

Saul pushed down on the gas just that little bit more firmly- he owed Peter Quinn a lot and this was where he started repaying that debt- he would get him to that plane, no matter what.

 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Finally the gates of the airport appeared in front of them, and Saul slowed- they had fifteen minutes to get through the military entrance and start boarding the plan. 

“What now? We just drive through?” Rob asked quietly.  
“Dar has called ahead” Saul replied with a grimace, hoping that this last hurdle was going to be easy to overcome. Without hesitation he turned and pulled up to the intercom next to the gate reaching out and pressing the buzzer.

“Doctor Wood for transport” he stated simply, crossing his fingers as he awaited a response. None came, but within seconds the gates in front of them swung open and he was driving through. He followed the road down to the building on the side and stopped as two men in US Army uniforms stepped out.

“Mr Berenson I assume?” one of them asked softly as he held out his hand.

“Yes- is everything set?” Saul asked.

“Yes sir- what’s the status of the casualty?” the soldier asked as he peered in the vehicle.

“Medical bay required” Saul replied simply, and the solider nodded with a grimace.

“Yes sir- standby here and I will arrange the gurney” he responded, before disappearing. Within seconds two more guys returned pushing a trolley along. “It would be safer to get moving sir- get situated on the flight” he added, pushing the urgency of the situation. Saul nodded, fully understanding the sensitivity of their current situation if they were to get caught. 

Saul moved around the car and opened the rear doors, Carrie and Callum stepped out and stretched, the confined space causing their muscles to seize up. Callum moved quickly to move the gurney round to Quinn’s side of the car, knowing that the doctor would need his help to get him safely onboard. He turned around to find Colin at his side and the two men worked quickly and silently as within seconds the very poorly man was out of the car and laid out on the stretcher, pale and shaking. The group moved quickly, Rob and Saul scooping up the bags whilst Callum and Colin tended to Quinn, they were out of the car and on board the plane within ten minutes. Colin and Callum moved quickly to the rear, fixing the gurney in as designed, and hooking up the IVs that were vital to helping their friend heal. 

“He’s bleeding again” Callum stated as he saw the pool of red forming on the white sheet beneath his friend. Colin nodded as he applied a fresh dressing to the injured torso and looked at further damage the journey had caused. He placed a folded blanket underneath the injured leg to elevate the wound and draped a sheet over his legs. Callum attached the blood pressure cuff and the mobile monitors whilst the pilot was going through the pre flight checks. 

“His pressure is through the floor” Colin stated as he noted the reading. 

“More fluids?” Callum asked, and received a nod in response and was deftly attaching a further bag within seconds. Colin applied a mask over the face of the now unconscious man, and took his pen light checking his pupils and mildly relieved that they still reacted to the light. 

“You guys need to sit” the soldier told him as he checked the doors for the final time. Both medics nodded and sat back in their seats pulling their belts on- but their eyes never leaving their charge. Carrie moved as close to Quinn as she could, her eyes absorbing his appearance and her heart breaking at what she saw. She turned to her left as she felt a gentle pressure on her hand and flashed a weak smile at Saul to acknowledge the support. 

“He will get through this” Rob told her, his voice firm and his eyes flashing with defiance as if she dared to think that his friend wouldn’t survive. She nodded, hoping to god that the team leader was right. They all sat back in silence as the engines fired up and the plane started it’s approach to take off, finally they were out of danger and on the way home- they just needed to make it, just needed to get to a hospital and then it would be over.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Colin was not a happy doctor- they were five hours into a flight and still had ten hours to go and his patient was not in a good way. Peter had a fever as hot as the sun and he was still in pain- and worst still there was very little the experienced doctor could do for him. 

“That’s the last bag” Callum stated as he hung up the last bag of blood. 

“It’ll have to be enough” Colin said with a sigh as he rubbed his hands over his exhausted face.

“Why don’t you get some rest doc? I’ll stay with Pete” Callum offered gently, recognising that the man needed some sleep. Colin hesitated, he was exhausted but he couldn’t bring himself to leave his friend. “Go- I will get you straight away if anything changes” the field medic promised softly. Colin nodded as he got to his feet and moved to an empty seat. Callum busied himself with checking on all the monitors, noting down the readings- knowing that Colin would want the information later. As he moved to check the oxygen mask he was surprised to see dazed blue eyes staring back at him.

“Hey man” he said gently. “You with me?” he asked,

“Yeh” Quinn croaked, his voice weak and conveying his exhaustion. “How long?” he asked.

“Up in the air for nearly six hours- still nine to go” he replied. Quinn’s head moved a mere millimetre in a nodded response. “How you feeling?” Callum asked, hoping to at least test how aware his friend was.

“Like I fell out the plane without a chute” Quinn responded, his eyes closing. Callum chuckled in reply, glad to get a familiar glibe response. 

“Head hurting?”

“Like a bitch” Peter replied as he squeezed his eyes shut. Callum checked the notes and saw when he had last had pain meds, noting that they were due he reached into the kit bag and pulled out the vial of drugs. “Don’t knock me out” Quinn requested softly, he didn’t want to admit it but he had a fear in the pit of his stomach that if he drifted off now he may never wake again and that wasn’t how he wanted to go- not now. 

“Pete you don’t need to suffer- take the drugs” Callum prompted him, not understanding the hesitation. 

“Don’t knock me out” he asked, opening his eyes a crack and looking at his friend. Callum sighed, his friend could be so stubborn, but he couldn’t bring himself to go against his wishes.

“Fine- you win, I’ll just give you the usual stuff” he finally conceding as he injected the lighter pain meds into the vein. 

“Everyone out ok?” Quinn asked as he calmed down.

“Everyone is fine thanks to you” Callum replied as he sat beside his friend, grateful for the chat. Quinn grunted at the comment, not taking credit for anything he achieved was his usual way so the medic was unsurprised. “I need to check your head Peter” he warned him softly. Quinn sighed, but nodded gently. “Can you remember how it happened?” 

“First time I blew myself up- second time you had got tired of life and made yourself a target so I practiced my tackling” Quinn replied tiredly. Callum snorted, pleased that there was no confusion or memory loss as he noted down the reply. 

“What country were we in?”

“The tourist hot spot of Syria then Turkey” Quinn replied, his tone almost bored. 

“What’s your full name?” Callum asked, and was caught off guard by his friend hesitating. “Your full name man?” he asked again.

“Who really knows?” Quinn finally answered tiredly, closing his eyes- and Callum couldn’t bring himself to force the issue any further as he took the answer for the correct one it truly was. 

“We’ll get there man” the medic reassured him as he squeezed his arm. He injected the anticoagulants into the Cannula as he sat back down, the last thing the injured man needed was blood clots. The medic looked up as he felt someone stood behind him. He smiled at the woman and got to his feet to allow Carrie to sit beside her friend.

“Hey” she greeted him gently as she squeezed his bicep, being careful to avoid the still healing bullet wound. 

“Hi” he replied, opening his eyes slightly to look at her. “You ok?” he asked her and she smiled at the question- no matter what the situation he always checked on her safety before his own, it was part of the reason he was so special to her. 

“I’m fine Quinn- apart from being worried about you” she stated. 

“I’ll be ok” he stated, the tone and exhaustion to his words contradicting the statement. 

“You better be Quinn- we need to have that talk” she stated with a small smile. He groaned at her words, knowing there was no escape, and she couldn’t help but chuckle. The fearless, brave man in front of her who would gladly walk into the midst of a terrorist cell and walk out the other side and yet here he was terrified of a talk with her about their feelings. “It will wait until you can’t blame your words on the head injury” she reassured him with a smile. He smiled weakly, he had known it was inevitable, but it had slipped his mind as he fought for survival. 

Half of him regretted the words he had spoken to her back at her father’s funeral- but he had meant them. She did something to him, made him feel something that he didn’t recall feeling for a very long time. But then he had done what he always done- he ran, this time to an actual warzone on a mission that had nearly claimed him. But he couldn’t bring himself to fully regret that either- he had saved the team, sure maybe someone else would have come up with something- but not the new guy. They had recovered an extremely valuable IS target, potentially saving thousands of lives in the process- and amazingly the entire team had survived to tell the tale. How could he forgive himself if he walked away from that? What would he become if he didn’t do what he knew best? He closed his eyes- his head was pounding- a jackhammer in his skull making him feel dizzy and sick. 

He flinched as a cool cloth appeared on his forehead- gently wiping the sweat from his face as he continued to burn with fever. Carrie looked at him with concern, he looked worse than he did when he had first arrived at the safe house. 

“What can I do for you?” she asked him softly, he lacked the energy to answer her or the thought to form words, so instead he carefully reached for her free hand with his and held on- both of them taking comfort from the action. “Sleep Quinn, just close your eyes and relax- I am right here” she told him as she continued to wipe his face with her other hand. He shook his head slightly- desperately trying to cling on to consciousness, but once again his body betrayed him and he found himself drifting away. 

“He’s getting worse” she stated as soon as she was certain he was out.

“He’s tough Carrie- he’ll fight” Callum told her, hoping to reassure as he moved around the bed and noted the readings on each of the mobile monitors. He wasn’t happy with the blood pressure still or the elevated heart rate, but he hadn’t really expected anything else. He knew his friend was on borrowed time- he just hoped that lady luck was on his side.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“Is it definitely arranged Dar?” Saul asked as he finally managed to get the link working.

“EMTs will be waiting airside to get him transported straight through to Walther Read” Dar responded, Saul couldn’t help but notice how exhausted his long term friend looked via the video link. “How is he?” Dar asked, his genuine concern clear in his voice.

“Not good Dar” Saul replied, he hadn’t missed the conversations between the doctor and the medic throughout the flight- he knew their friend was in a bad way. 

“Is he going to make it Saul?” Dar asked, sitting forward and looking more drawn than ever. 

“That’s up to him” Saul replied tightly. “It’s a miracle that he has made it this far” he added.

“He’s too stubborn not to” Dar replied with new resolve, if Peter was still fighting then there was no way he was going to even let doubt enter his mind. “There is a CT scan booked and ready for him and the top neurosurgeon on standby. Colin mentioned his leg- the earliest we could get the orthopaedic for is the morning- but his medical issues have to take priority anyway” Dar explained. 

“We are on schedule anyway- somehow” Saul told him, “did the other team get the asset stowed?” he queried, making sure it had been of value. 

“Yes- he is at a safe house with some of our best operatives as we speak” Dar told him with a smile. His team had done well to get the man back safely. 

“Good- Quinn will be glad” Saul responded with a small smile. 

“I will see you stateside” Dar concluded the call, grateful that Saul was with his operative and knowing that the man would have done everything he could to keep him safe. Saul disconnected and turned to see the doctor observing him closely.

“I assume that will all suffice?” Saul asked softly.

“CAT scan has to be first on the agenda- so Dar was right to prioritise” he replied. “We just need to make sure he makes it there” he added with a wince. Saul nodded, he understood the meaning behind the comment. He leant back in his chair and closed his eyes, he could feel his body was on the cusp if closing down now they were out of danger- he needed to grab some rest whilst he could. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Rob smiled as he caught sight of the blonde hair resting on the arm of his injured friend. The CIA officer was asleep, still in the chair beside Quinn, resting forward and head rested against his arm, their hands still gripped beneath her as if she had been afraid to let go. 

“You should get some rest” he told Callum quietly as he noted they were due to land in a little over an hour and the medic had not left Quinn’s side the entire flight other than for comfort needs.

“I’m fine Rob” he replied without looking up. 

“Sure you are” the team leader commented with an eye roll. “Go and sit down before you fall down” he instructed his voice firmer as he reinforced what he was saying. Callum sighed.

“Let me finish what I am doing” he finally replied, as he once more checked the dressing that covered Quinn’s damaged torso- relieved to note that the bleeding had stopped. He glanced at his friend’s face, and did a double take. “Get the doctor” he told Rob firmly as he moved back to the kit bag.

“What? I’ll stay with him” Rob stated in confusion.

“Get the doctor Rob- somethings not right” he added gesturing at the injured man’s face and more importantly the blood that was now streaming from his nose. Rob snapped into action moving quickly towards the front of the plane, he returned with Colin in less than ten seconds- the military doctor being used to processing information quickly and reacting. 

“Shit” he stated with vigour as he rolled his sleeves up and moved to the medical supplies, grateful they would be landing within an hours, and hoping that his friend would survive that long.

End Chapter Fourteen


	15. When Your Mind Breaks the Spirit of Your Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally they are on the flight home, what could possibly go wrong now.....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in posting! Real life is really taking over at the moment- but this story will still get regular updates I promise!!  
> Thank you for your lovely reviews- please keep them coming.

Chapter Fifteen

Colin removed the oxygen mask from the pale face, and gently wiped the blood away, he tapped Quinn’s face to try and rouse him. He got no response, so he shone his pen light into the blue eyes, pleased to see the man flinch away- at least it was something. 

“Peter? Are you with us?” he asked gently. Quinn blinked, before he coughed and attempted to curl in on himself for the pain it caused him. 

“Argh” he groaned loudly, a rare display of pain displaying on his face as he tried to breathe. 

“Easy Peter tell me where it hurts?” Colin asked, his voice conveying a sense of urgency that immediately got Quinn to respond. 

“Chest, head” he grunted, struggling to get the words out as the pain threatened to overwhelm him. “What’s ‘appening?” he asked, finally partially admitting that he was struggling, his speech slurring as he tried to talk. 

“I’m not sure Peter- try to relax” Colin told him gently, reaching for pain medication and injecting it with no further comment. He watched as Quinn’s eyes slipped shut as he could fight no more and he carefully watched the monitors.

“What’s going on?” Carrie finally asked as she watched.

“I think he has a subdural haematoma” Colin stated.

“Can you help him?” Carrie asked, glancing at her watch and noting that they still had thirty minutes before they were due to land and a further thirty minutes before they would be able to transport him to the hospital safely. 

“Not like this no- all I can do is try to stop him getting any worse, but he needs a scan to confirm the diagnosis and then probably surgery- but he needs it now” the doctor stated gravely, grateful that there was a neurosurgeon waiting for them on arrival. “We need to update Dar” he added, knowing that they needed to make sure that they had immediate access to the scan and a theatre. 

“On it” Carrie confirmed, anything to be helpful, and there was little else any of them could do right then and there.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“The EMTs are already at the airport waiting- there is nothing we can do to speed it up” Dar stated to Carrie, his own concern carried heavily in his voice. Peter was like a son to him and he would do everything in his power to make sure he survived this. 

“Colin says he will need surgery Dar- can you update the neuro guy?” Carrie requested softly. 

“I will, contact me the minute he is safely on board the ambulance and on route to the hospital” he instructed as he disconnected the call. As soon as he received that update he would be on the way to the hospital himself- he needed to see Peter with his own eyes.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

The next twenty minutes passed in a blur of tension on the flight. Colin was calm and collected on the outside, but could feel his heart hammering in his chest and his brain whirling with what needed to be done. He couldn’t stand the thought of losing Peter- not after everything over the years. He noted down the last of the readings, concerned with the numbers he saw- he sat down and fastened his seat belt as the plane made the final approach to land. He crossed his fingers that they could scoop Quinn into the ambulance and be at the hospital within the hour- he just hoped Peter could last that long. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Carrie had no idea how she had got where she was currently sat- surrounded by sterile white tiles on the floors and the walls- the smell of antiseptic floating in the air. The move from the plane to the car was a whirlwind of motion and Quinn had disappeared from her view the second the plane had touched the runway. She sat alone as the British doctor took control of Quinn’s care making sure he was satisfied with the treatment. Rob had blended into the crowds and not been seen since- something Carrie was certain had to be taught at black ops school as her friend had pulled that move on her many times as well. Saul had headed straight off to update Dar as soon as they had arrived at the hospital. 

She leant forward, suddenly exhausted as everything was now out of her hands- not that she had much control over any of this to start with. It had been nearly two hours and she knew Quinn would have had his scan by now, she just needed to know what was happening. She looked up as she heard footsteps approaching, to be greeted by the sight of Dar Adal moving towards her. He sat down beside her with a sigh. 

“They are just prepping him for surgery” he told her, his voice strained. 

“What are his chances?” Carrie asked, unable to meet his eyes and her voice breaking as she asked the question she wasn’t sure she wanted answering. Dar sighed, not sure how to even answer that question.

“They don’t know Carrie- it depends on how much damage they find and how much strain the delay in treatment has put on him” he explained softly. She had no response, it was all out of their control now, whether he lived or died was up to how hard he was able to fight.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

It was nearly twelve hours later when Carrie was finally able to find herself sat beside her friend. The doctors had been reassuring them that the surgery had gone as well as could be expected, and he was stable- yet he was deeply unconscious with a respirator breathing for him and his skin as pale as the bandages that were wrapped around his head. She found it difficult to believe that he would make it through this. She looked up as the door swung open and found herself surprised to see the field medic entering the room.

“How’s he doing?” Callum asked gently, having clearly had a shower and change of clothes as he smelt fresh and wore a clean white t-shirt and jeans. 

“He’s alive” she replied, trying to focus on the positives.

“He’ll cling in there” the medic replied, squeezing her shoulder. ‘You go and get cleaned up- I’ll stay with Pete” he offered with a small smile. She looked at him quizzically- it was true she hadn’t got changed since they made it back stateside, she hadn’t wanted to leave the hospital- just in case. She glanced back at the still form beside her, hesitant just in case. “I will call you straight away if there’s any change” Callum promised as if he was reading her mind. She smiled to herself, getting to her feet and squeezing Quinn’s forearm before reaching for her bag.

“Thank you” she agreed as she headed for the door before she could change her mind. Callum sat down in the seat she had vacated and took a glance at his unconscious friend. The team had experienced losses before- multiple losses in fact, and it had brought them closer together. He, Rob and Peter were the only ones left from the group that had set out ten years before- some had ‘retired’ but four had been killed in action- despite their best efforts they hadn’t avoided loss and he knew it weighed heavily on all of them, but the lives that they had saved and the bad guys they had taken out far outweighed it. He just knew that of all of the guys it was Quinn that felt that balance the most. 

“Come on lazy ass – wake the hell up” Callum stated to his friend, hating the silence in the room. He sighed as he leaned back in the chair, he knew there was no chance of Quinn waking yet- he was only a few hours post surgery. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Carrie stood under the flow of water, enjoying the feel of the hot water against her skin. It felt good to finally be clean after the last week she had. The hug she had been welcomed home to was more soothing than she could ever have imagined it would be. She had missed her daughter- the bond between them stronger than she had ever realised. She inhaled deeply- breathing in the steam as she relaxed at last. Quinn was safe, and she was home to her family. She would get to sleep in her own bed and know that she would be able to see the man that meant so much to her when she woke up. She turned the faucet and stepped out of the cubicle, towelling herself dry before pulling on her pyjamas- freshly laundered by her kind sister. She shrugged the soft comfort of the robe on over the top and stepped out of the bathroom, within minutes she had made her way down into the kitchen- loving her sister even more as she handed her a steaming hot mug of coffee.

“Thank you” she stated as she sat at the breakfast bar.

“How’s he doing?” Maggie asked as she sat down with her own drink.

“He’s not great, but they are fairly positive” Carrie replied as she ran her hand through her damp hair. 

“He’s strong, and very fit- and he has a lot to live for” the doctor responded with a small smile. 

“God I hope so” Carrie stated, hoping he could find the strength to fight.

 

“I saw the way he looked at you Carrie- the way he played with Frannie- that boy loves you” the older sister stated with a wry smile- it had been obvious to her how much Quinn cared for her sister, and the way that Carrie was acting it was reciprocated, she just hoped that they would both recognise it in each other and learn to show each other how they felt. 

“He’s always been there for me- I guess I never realised it” Carrie commented quietly. “It was right in front of my eyes and I never told him how much I appreciated him” she added with a sad shrug.

“He knows Carrie- he is no fool. I know I only met him once but he seemed a nice young man” Maggie chuckled to herself, remembering the only time she had really spoken to the handsome man- she had been impressed that he had stayed the entire day, rolling up his sleeves and helping her with the washing up, silently just getting on with it, expecting no gratitude, but showing love and care for people that were strangers to him- all because of how he felt for her sister. She smiled at the memory, she had been taken aback by the quiet unassuming stranger at the time, and surprised that she hadn’t heard her sister talk about him despite how much they obviously meant to each other. Carrie laughed as she thought the comment through.

“Nice young man isn’t how most people would describe Quinn” she commented dryly, in fact she was pretty sure he would fall down on the spot if he ever heard anyone describe him as that, but still she appreciated the comment. “I am going to go to bed if that’s ok” Carrie told her through a yawn. “Do you mind dropping Frannie in the morning so I can head straight to the hospital?” she asked as she got to her feet.

“No of course- just let me know if you need me to collect her later” Maggie agreed readily, hoping that Quinn may be the turning point for her sister. 

“Thanks” was all Carrie could manage to say as she was genuinely overwhelmed by her sister’s care and kindness. With no further comment she turned around and headed up the stairs- falling into bed and sleep claiming her before her head touched the pillow.

End Chapter Fifteen


	16. Your Faith Walks on Broken Glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .

Chapter Sixteen

Everything hurt- literally everything, he tried to open his eyes but even that was too much effort. He drew in a deep breath, and his eyes sprung open as he choked on the tube blocking his airways. He coughed, his body automatically trying to dislodge the obstruction- panic setting in as his exhaustion blurred his mind. He lifted his arm towards his face, silently crying out in pain as it caused a jolt to go through his body. 

“Hey easy Pete- easy” a vaguely familiar voice spoke strongly beside him, a hand pinning down his wrist against the bed. He could barely bring himself to hear the voice as he attempted to fight against the strong grip. “Quinn! Stop fighting, you need to calm down” Callum reinforced as he reached and pressed the buzzer for the nurse. “It’s a respirator- you need to let it help you” he insisted as he pushed down gently on his shoulder. He was relieved when Quinn stopped fighting against the machine, his chest still struggling to relax against the unnatural breathing. The medic was surprised to see the blue eyes squinting back at him as he looked at the pale face. “Hey welcome back bro” he greeted with a genuine smile. 

“What’s this about someone coming to join the party?” a voice entered the conversation as the doctor walked into the room, pulling on rubber gloves as he did so. “Peter my name is Dr Marsden- I just need to run a few tests and then we will have a look at that tube that appears to be irritating you- ok?” he asked softly as he noted the results on the monitors beside him. After a few moments he appeared relatively satisfied with what we saw and summoned a nurse into the room. A few moments later and the tube was out and a rather groggy looking Peter Quinn was sitting up slightly in bed with just a nasal tube to assist him. “What’s your name?” the doctor asked him directly.

“Peter Quinn” he replied, his voice painful and croaky.

“What month is it?” 

“March?” Quinn half asked and half answered, catching the raised eyebrow of the doctor. Callum shook his head slightly, gesturing to the doctor that it wasn’t a result of the head injury. 

“Do you know who this guy is?” the doctor asked gesturing towards Callum.

“The guy who kept me alive” Quinn replied softly just as his eyes slipped closed and sleep claimed him completely against his will. Callum couldn’t help the slight smile the words brought him as he sat back down in the chair. 

“I think your friend will be just fine” the doctor stated with a smile pleased with the progress. “I am going to get ortho down this afternoon to take a look at that leg- but any further surgery will have to wait until he is strong enough to cope with the anaesthesia” he explained.

“Thanks doc” Callum settled back further in the chair, relieved that they were finally making progress. He closed his eyes and relaxed, knowing that Quinn wouldn’t mind if he dozed. 

Callum was woken some time later by a firm shake of his shoulder, he blinked and looked up to find Rob standing over him. 

“How’s he doing?” the team leader asked quietly. 

“Better- they think he will make it” Callum replied as he rubbed his hands over his face to help wake himself up. 

“Thank god for that- is Dar here?” he asked as he pulled up the second chair and sat down.

“He said he’d be back by lunch time- you staying?” 

“Just wanted to check up on this one, make sure the team wasn’t going to be one down” Rob replied with a grin, his sharp eyes looking over his injured friend. 

“As if I could leave you two unsupervised” a third voice entered the conversation and both men were surprised to see clear blue eyes looking back at them.

“Ah yeh because we are the ones that need supervising aren’t we?” Rob parried with a grin and a quirked eyebrow. Quinn grinned at the comment, unable to argue the point. He closed his eyes and assessed how he felt, the pain was more manageable and his head felt clearer. 

“What did the doctor say?” Quinn asked with his eyes still closed.

“That we are stuck with your sorry ass for a while longer yet” Callum responded, keeping his tone light. Quinn nodded lightly, absorbing the words.

“What happened?” he asked after a few moments.

“You decided to nearly die on us- a subdural haematoma, at least that finally proves that you have a brain” Rob stated and Quinn snorted- glad that his friends were with him and thankfully ok. 

“At least one of us does” he finally replied. “How long am I stuck here for?” he asked.

“Don’t even start that one Pete- you stay here and you do as you are told” Callum interjected and his tone was as serious as either of his team mates had ever heard. 

“I couldn’t agree more” Colin stated as he stepped into the room flanked by a stranger in a white coat. “Peter this is Dr Temple- he is here to assess your leg” he introduced the other man with a gesture behind him. “You two should go and get a coffee, this might not be pretty” he stated softly. Callum nodded and with a final squeeze of his friend’s hand he and Rob went in search of some caffeine. 

Colin moved to the shoulder of his friend, pleased to see him awake and aware. 

“Hey” Peter greeted him tiredly. 

“Good to see you Pete- you just need to stay awake long enough for Michael here to check that leg of yours ok?” he asked. Quinn nodded with a sigh that quickly turned into a wince as he felt hands pulling the dressing back from his damaged leg.

“Ok Peter- I am just going to look at the wound on your leg, I have already reviewed the scans, but I need to see the external injury as well” he told his patient. He gently grasped the calf and gently turned the leg to the side, causing Quinn’s pallor to drop even paler. “Okay Peter, I know that’s uncomfortable, the injury has gone deep and due to treatment being delayed it has ripped through the muscle and the soft tissue. There is fairly extensive damage Peter and it will require surgery, but I am confident we can repair it” the doctor told him. Peter sighed in relief, he was exhausted but he knew he would fight his way back from this. 

“How long before you fix it?” he asked, hating how weak he sounded. 

“We won’t be able to perform the surgery until he are fully satisfied that the head injury is stabilised” he explained, “so probably next week, we will reassess in a day or so, let you get a bit of strength back. Just one step at a time” the kind doctor stated, making eye contact with Colin as he spoke. 

“How long before I can go home?” Peter asked, overwhelmed with tiredness just from the hour he had been awake. 

“Like I said- one step at a time, I am confident you will make a full recovery, but you have to be patient” 

“That isn’t one of Peter’s fortes” Colin stated wryly. Quinn rolled his eyes, and winced as it increased his headache. 

“Thanks doc” he stated lacking the energy to argue. The orthopaedic surgeon smiled at the other doctor and left the room. “How long you staying for?” Quinn asked Colin.

“I can only stay a few more days- just long enough to make sure you are behaving” he replied with a smile. 

“How’s Jess?” Peter asked, turning his head to make eye contact as the two men finally had the chance to speak properly. 

“She’s good Peter- she asks after you a lot” Colin responded gently, “she would love to see you” he added hopefully.

“I can’t see me returning to Turkey any time soon” Quinn replied tiredly. 

“Jess is in the states Peter” Colin told him. 

“What? Is everything ok?” the operative asked, pushing through his own exhaustion to show concern for his friend.

“She’s fine Pete- things got a bit sticky in Turkey a couple of years ago, just after our last meeting, so Dar got her set up here. She’s doing well, good job, good home and she’s safe” he explained, reassuring his friend. “And that is thanks to you” he added, Peter closed his eyes, and took a breath.

“I’m glad she’s ok” he replied finally. He had always been fond of his friend’s daughter- she was a few years younger than him, but she had always had an air of innocence that he rarely saw in his own World. He had deliberately distanced himself, the family had already been inadvertently placed at risk when a mission had gone wrong- he had been completely unwilling to allow that risk again. Colin closed his eyes, realising that Peter had drawn a line under the conversation, he just wished that the younger man would accept that people cared about him, and be able to accept the love they wanted to show. 

“You get some rest Peter- it’s the best thing for you. I’ll be right here” Colin assured him and he sat down. Quinn had little choice in the matter as his body’s needs took over and he drifted to sleep within minutes. As he leaned back Colin was surprised to hear footsteps behind him. “You hear all of that?” he asked the blond woman who appeared beside him.

“Mostly” Carrie responded as she gently stroked her friend’s hair. “How is he doing?” 

“Much better- they are fairly confident he will be back to his usual annoying and stubborn self in no time” Colin replied and was rewarded with a laugh from the woman that clearly cared very deeply for his friend. “If you are staying then I will go and hunt for the neuro guy, make sure everything is in hand an on schedule. I suspect Dar will want an update too” he suggested getting to his feet. 

“Yeah sure- I have no plans to leave him” Carrie replied, her eyes never leaving Quinn’s face. Colin smiled, reassured with the answer and pleased to hear the words so easily spoken. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Several hours passed and Carrie barely moved, she just found herself lost in thought as she watched her friend sleep. It was due to her concentrated watching of him that she noticed the first flicker of lashes against the pale skin. 

She leaned forward as she saw him finally come awake, his eyes taking a few moments to gain focus and realise where he was. 

“Hi there sleepy head” Carrie greeted him softly, caressing his forearm as she spoke. 

“How long you been here?” he asked tiredly with a small smile.

“Since just after the doctor left- so about three hours” she replied, noticing the pain lines around his eyes. 

“What about Frannie?” he queried, turning his aching head to look to her.

“I don’t have to pick her up until later- you look a lot better Quinn” she stated, changing the subject. He smiled, knowing that he probably looked terrible which spoke volumes of how bad he must have looked a few days earlier. 

“Thanks” he finally replied ruefully. “I have to get out of here” he stated, the words leaving his lips before he could stop them. 

“Like hell you do- you stay until you can sit up without falling down and actually had that leg of yours fixed” Carrie told him warningly and although her tone was light she was deadly serious in what she was saying. He sighed, recognising her tone and lacking the energy to argue with her.

“Fine” he stated with a hiss, he was tired and grouchy and he hated being laid up in hospital. Carrie rolled her eyes- she knew this was just the beginning- the more he regained his energy the more irritated he was going to be with his mandated admission to hospital. She winced at the thought, knowing that the battle may be coming to a close, but the war was going to be fair from over. She just hoped that she still meant enough to him that he may see reason and actually listen to her.

End Chapter Sixteen


	17. And The Hangover Doesn't Pass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quinn is slowly getting back on his feet.....will Carrie be able to rein him in for his own good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your lovely reviews and Kudos- please keep them coming!

Chapter Seventeen

The next week passed in a strange semblance of routine, Carrie would drop Frannie off at nursery each day before heading to the hospital to see Quinn for an hour- she would then head in to work for a few hours before returning to the hospital for an hour in the afternoon just after the doctor had been round. She was then home in time to collect Frannie from day care and do her evening routine. She was fully aware that Dar and the boys from Group had been regularly visiting too- so Quinn knew that everybody was there, she smiled at the thought- she would wager that he found it a very strange sensation actually having people visiting him in the hospital and caring for how he was progressing. She was relieved to see that he was stronger every day, his skin finally regaining some of the colour he had lost and the pain lines being less pronounced with every passing day. 

It was six days since he had surgery when he finally got news about the next step in his recovery- the operation on his leg. Carrie appeared in the doorway just as the surgeon was finishing his explanation of what was planned for the following day and she felt a pit of worry form in her stomach. The doctor seemed confident that everything was fixable but she couldn’t help but worry for her friend, and another operation on his already weakened body had to be risky- but she also knew that he would want it fixing as soon as possible so that he could break free of the hospital that he had made it perfectly clear he no longer wished to be a patient in. She waited until the doctor had finished up and only stepped into the room as he walked through.

“So your nagging is paying off huh?” she stated with a smile. 

“Doctors choice Carrie” he replied softly with a smile pulling himself up straighter in the bed as he looked at her. “Should mean I can go home next week” he added with a grin.

“And where exactly is home Quinn?” she asked him with a flash of defiance. 

“I have a rental” he responded, not rising to the tone.

“A ground floor one I hope? With adapted showers and a shop nearby that you can hop to on your crutches?” she told him, displaying her frustration she felt at his stubborn nature.

“I’ll be fine Carrie” he responded with a sigh. Carrie grimaced- he had been through so much so she really didn’t want to push- but he was deluded if he really thought he could get out of hospital with such serious injuries and just look after himself. Maybe now wasn’t the time for that conversation but she was adamant they would be having it. 

“Has Colin gone back to Kilis?” she asked, wisely changing the subject.

“Not yet- said he was going to stay a few more days- he has gone to visit his daughter, but will be back tomorrow” Quinn explained, hating how everybody was running around after him, changing their own plans to fit around him. “You really don’t have to come by so much Carrie- you should be spending time with Frannie” he told her, his voice soft.

“Don’t you want me here?” she asked in surprise, thinking he could be glad of the company. 

“It’s not that- but you shouldn’t be sacrificing your family time to come and sit with my sorry ass- you have already done enough” he told her, his eyes finally meeting hers. She smiled gently and reached for his hand. 

“Frannie is at day care, and I am here because I am so dam grateful that you are here and alive that I don’t really want to let you out of my sight in case you do anything else so ridiculously stupid and get yourself hurt again” she told him, subconsciously edging closer as she spoke. He blinked back tears at her words, embarrassed at the emotion that he found himself unable to hide. He squeezed her hand in response, finding himself with no words to respond. 

“Thank you” he whispered, grateful for her honesty and that she actually meant it. “Was it worth it?” he asked, finally remembering to ask the question.

“Was what worth it?” she replied in confusion.

“The mission- did the target give us what we needed?” he asked, catching her completely off guard with the change of tact, but somehow she knew she shouldn’t have been surprised. 

“I’m not sure, I haven’t seen Dar in a few days” she responded, “I’ll find out though” she added with a smile- knowing how Quinn’s mind worked he would need to know the outcome from their latest mission. 

“Thank you” he replied and he squeezed her hand again before letting go to rub his face. “I really need to get out of here” he stated with a sigh- the more energy he had gained the worse it was for him to be trapped in the bed.

“Let’s get that leg fixed and you will be hopping out of here in no time” she reassured with a smile and she laughed out loud when he groaned at the comment. 

“You are going to be really annoying about this aren’t you?” he asked with a grimace. 

“I need to go and get Frannie- I’ll be here tomorrow being they take you down to surgery- make sure you do as you are told” she warned him as she got to her feet. She leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead, and he closed his eyes at the contact.

“See you tomorrow” he replied quietly. He closed his eyes as she left- he was tired but much less so than he had been. He wished he could read, or even watch TV but he lacked the focus and feared the headaches he knew either would cause. He hated this, hated being dependent on other people, hated the lack of mobility and hated feeling so frail. He would get the surgery the next day and make his escape as soon as possible afterwards. He wasn’t stupid, he wouldn’t do anything to risk further damage to his already damaged leg- but he would stay here no longer than absolutely necessary and he knew his own body enough to know when he would be fine to leave- he just needed to work out how.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

The next morning and Carrie arrived at the hospital first thing, she wanted to make sure she was there with Quinn straight away. He was awake as she stepped into his room, his finger tapping against the side of the bed.

“Hey- you all set?” she asked with a smile, sensing his impatience. 

“Yeah I can’t wait” he responded with a sigh, Carrie sat down and gripped his arm as had become her new habit. 

“It’s only natural to be nervous” she told him and he snorted.

“I’m not nervous Carrie- I just want it done” he told her and his voice was straight and even- she knew he was telling the truth. 

“Give yourself time Quinn- please don’t rush this” she asked softly, but before he could reply the nurse had come into the room and started prepping Quinn for the op. “I will be here waiting for you” she told him as she squeezed his shoulder, he nodded, but was whisked away before he could reply any further. Carrie settled back down and did what she felt like she had been doing for the last few months- she waited for an update on her friend.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Colin Wood sighed as he stepped back into the hospital- he knew he would have to leave within the next day or so, but he couldn’t bring himself to go until he knew his friend was truly on the mend- and he didn’t just mean physically. He had known his friend for a very long time and he knew that he would never willingly accept help- would just drown things in a bottle or run head first and blindly into danger with no regard for his own welfare- neither option suited him, and both undoubtedly led him into trouble. 

He bowed his head as he thought about his situation- he had to get back to his day job by the end of the week, otherwise everything he had worked towards would have been for nothing. All of the sacrifices they had all made would count for nothing at all- he had to preserve his status if he was to be useful- but how could he leave the man he considered a son when he was at his most vulnerable. 

“So you sure you can’t stay?” Dar asked as he walked up beside the other man.

“You know I can’t- everything we have worked for Dar, we can’t sacrifice it- it’s been dangerous enough being here and going to see Jess, if I stay any longer someone will get suspicious” the doctor explained as he sat down. “I’ll stay until after Peter is clear from surgery and they have assessed his recovery- then I really have to go back Dar” 

“Peter will listen to you” Dar reasoned as he sat beside his old friend.

“I will make my instructions clear- but if I am to continue to be useful to you- to the agency then I need to return” Colin stated with a sigh. “Now we should head in- Pete will be due into recovery any time now, you know what he is like when he comes round initially, it may help to have a friendly face” he stated as he got to his feet and walked away, pretty certain that Dar would follow him. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“It went exactly as well as we hoped” the younger doctor told him with a smile. 

“You think he will make a full recovery?” Colin asked softly as he looked at his still sleeping friend. 

“Yes, with time, work and patience I am confident he will get full mobility back” the surgeon responded and he flicked his gloves into the sterile waste bin. 

“How long before he can be discharged?” Dar asked him, knowing it would the exact first question that Peter would ask himself. 

“That’s up to him really- he needs to be able to lift himself from the bed and get to the bathroom, walk down the hall on crutches and eat a solid meal- then we can think about it” the younger man stated with a smile, already well aware of his patient’s frustrations and push to get discharged as soon as possible. Colin grinned glad that they were on the same page.

“Do you mind if I stay with him? Will help keep him in check when he wakes up” 

“Of course- any reinforcements are always welcome” he replied “give me a shout if you need me” he added before walking away. Colin smiled, he moved forward to his friend and looked at the now bandaged leg, propped up on pillows, and reached for his chart- pleased to see the stable stats and the strong readings on the monitors around him. He was unsurprised when after a few moments the eyes began to flicker and glazed blue orbs were looking back at him, immediately before a hand shot up to the tube in his throat.

“Hey easy Pete- settle down and relax” he soothed the young man gently. Quinn immediately reacted to the familiar voice and stopped struggling. He reached forward and gentle extubated the recovering man.

“Thank you” Quinn croaked. “All ok?” he asked tiredly.

“Perfect Peter- all went perfectly fine” Colin reassured him squeezing his bicep lovingly. 

“Good” was all the agent managed to reply before he drifted back off to sleep, unable to fight the medication any more. Colin smiled, glad that he had been able to reassure his friend and that he genuinely might just pull through this one relatively unscathed.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

The next few days passed smoothly- Quinn was doing everything he was told to do, and seemed to be improving every day. Carrie had almost known it was going all too well so she shouldn’t have been surprised to see when it all started to go wrong. She walked in to see Colin bidding her friend a very fond farewell, she sat down and observed the interaction between the two men.

“I mean it Peter- none of that mischief like last time- that ripped your stitches and took about ten years off my life” he warned gently.

“You know me Col, model patient” Quinn responded with a wink.

“And you know me- I have ways of making you behave, and if I have to fly all the way back here to get you back in line I am going to mightily pissed off. This is not to be messed around with Peter, that head injury could easily have killed you- please don’t be complacent” Colin warned his friend, genuinely worried that his laid back approach to his own welfare would end up costing his life, “besides Jess will not be impressed to hear you are yet again ignoring my wisdom to your own detriment” he added. Peter winced at the comment, it was a low blow- Colin knew full well exactly how much his daughter meant to Quinn so to throw that one in hurt. 

“Was she ok when you went to visit?” he asked, changing the subject.

“She was settled and happy- I can ask for no more than that” Colin responded.

“Do you think you guys will ever go back to the UK?” Quinn asked softly, knowing that the family must miss their true home.

“Not for a long time- it’s all a bit close to Europe- easy access, I need to make sure the risk is completely over before we ever consider that. Besides Sarah and Jess seem to like the States- pretty sure the government owe me a life time visa if this is where we choose to stay” he added with a smile. He didn’t need to say it would also ensure he was closer to Quinn if he needed to keep him in line. Quinn nodded with a sigh. 

“Thank you- for everything” he finally stated, shaking the doctor’s hand and making eye contact- his words carrying a range of emotion. 

“Peter, after everything over the years I am pretty sure this doesn’t come close to paying you back” the doctor replied, returning the gesture. “I’ll see you soon” he promised before turning and heading out- sad to be leaving his friend before he was fully recovered. He smiled gently at Carrie as he left. “You take good care of my boy here- you know where I am if you or he ever need me” he stated and tapped her lightly on the shoulder. She waited for him to be out of the door before she moved forward and perched on the edge of the bed.

“He seems to care about you a lot” she observed. “You ever going to tell me exactly what happened between you?” she asked, tucking her hair behind her ear.

“What did Colin tell you?” Quinn enquired.

“Just snippets- said it was mostly not his story to tell” she replied with a sigh.

“He’s a wise man” Quinn stated with a chuckle. “I have physio in ten minutes- finally going to get up on my feet” he told her with a smile. Carrie suddenly found herself filled with dread.

“Don’t rush it Quinn- you have been laid out for about three weeks now, it will be a shock to the system just sitting upright never mind walking” she warned him. 

“I’m fine Carrie” he stated, his tone warning as his frustration grew. 

“You are far from it- but you will be, if you actually do as you are told for once” 

“Pot and kettle springs to mind” he retorted resting his head back against the pillows as he felt the start of a headache starting to grow.

“Well then learn from my mistakes- it didn’t get me very far did it?” she reasoned with him. “I am just dreading arriving here in the next couple of days only to find you have checked yourself out and gone off somewhere by yourself- please just don’t do that Quinn” she asked softly, her eyes welling with tears at the thought of him putting himself at risk when they had only just been reunited. He sighed and leaned further back- when had she been able to read his mind. She had been onto him in Islamabad too, but he managed to get away- despite how that one turned out he had no regrets. He would get Haqqani, that was part of the reason he had gone back to the group- but there was no way he was going to tell Carrie that. 

“I’m hardly likely to walk out of here like this am I?” he finally asked with a quirked eyebrow, drawing a line under the argument as a glance at the clock on the wall confirmed that his physio appointment was imminent. Carrie sighed, taking his hint. 

“Do you want me to stay or go?” she asked, knowing she was rescuing him, but willing to give him the win.

“Do you mind going? I don’t think I will want an audience for this” he replied honestly, knowing that this was not going to come easy, and the less she saw the less likely she was to fight him when it came to his escape plan. She nodded, she had fully expected the answer.

“I will come back this afternoon- please do as they tell you Quinn” she warned softly. He nodded, having no inclination for further argument, he waved as she left and waited for his therapist to arrive and the real work to start.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

The therapist was nothing like Peter had expected, a man his own age- clearly used to dealing with military personnel and unwilling to take any arguments. 

“Okay the plan for today’s session is to get you sat up- if you can stand it then we will make attempts to move across to the chair” Tom explained simply. Quinn nodded, he was wise enough to choose his battles and to assess his subject first. Before he could say a word the covers were drawn off him, and he was glad he had baggy shorts and a t-shirt on- provided by Carrie the previous day. “Ok so first of all I am going to raise the head of the bed- try to relax, your body will need to adjust to the position before we go any further” he warned with a soft smile. Quinn nodded again, knowing that this was going to be uncomfortable. Within minutes the bed was fully upright and he was trying to ignore the nausea rising in his stomach at the position he was now in. “We good?” the other man asked gently, placing his hand on the patient’s shoulder.

“I’m good” Quinn replied, his voice croaking as he spoke. 

“Right it’s really important you are straight with me here Peter- if something hurts or feels wrong then you need to tell me. It doesn’t mean we give up- we may just adjust”

“Got it” Quinn agreed reluctantly. 

“We need to be careful of that leg of yours, so Georgia here is going to support the leg whilst me and you work to get your body upright ok?” he asked gently, moving forwards.

“Yep- got it” 

“When we get upright we stop” the physio added firmly. 

“Got ya” Quinn agreed, just wanting to get started now that his head had stopped spinning from the movement. Tom nodded, stepping forward he crossed his arms over and grabbed Quinn by the biceps, nodding for him to replicate the motion, which he did. He took a breath, knowing that he was going to feel this, no matter how gently the medical team worked it was going to hurt. 

“You ready?” Tom asked him softly. Quinn nodded, and closed his eyes to settle his breathing. Within seconds the nurse and the physio had moved and Peter found himself sat up on the edge of the bed, frantically fighting nausea and dizziness as his body got used to being upright for the first time since his brain surgery. 

“Fuck me” he whispered as he closed his eyes against the swimming room, his hand unintentionally squeezing on the arms of his therapist. 

“Just try and breath through it” Tom soothed him, unsurprised by the reaction. He thanked his lucky stars for his lightening reflexes as he just managed to step out of the way as Quinn vomited up the very scant amount of food he had managed to eat that day. 

“Ah shit- sorry” Quinn murmured, horrified that he had basically just been sick over the man that was there to help him. Tom chuckled as a nurse cleaned up the floor. 

“It happens more often than not- think nothing of it” the experienced man replied with a smile. Quinn dipped his head, his eyes still shut against his body rebelling. 

“Just sit quietly and wait for it to settle” the young nurse supporting his leg told him gently, her eyes kind as she watched him struggling. She knew little about him, but the fact he had the injuries that he did and was admitted to this hospital told her that he was clearly in this position protecting their country and that alone meant that she would do everything she possibly could to help him heal. 

“I’m ok” he stated, squinting at her through partially opened eyes. 

“Ah so you are going to be one of those stubborn ones huh?” she asked with a grin, immediately getting the measure of him. 

“Feeling better?” Tom asked kindly. 

“Just peachy” he whispered, managing a tiny smile. Tom laughed out loud at the crack, before moving the chair slightly closer. 

“Ok then man, we are going to get you to your feet- well foot in your case. When we are happy you could stay there under your own steam, pivot on your good leg and gently sit down in the chair” Tom explained. 

“Easy” Quinn replied sarcastically, but glad that the other man wasn’t afraid to push him. With one final deep breath he was on stood up for the first time in an age- even quicker he was back down again, being assisted back onto the bed as his head exploded into a world of pain.

End Chapter Seventeen


	18. Nothing's Ever Built to Last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that some of you guys are still reading this! Please leave me a little comment so that I know you are still out there!

Chapter Eighteen

“Fuck me” Quinn groaned as he half fell and was half lowered back onto the bed- stars exploding in front of his eyes, and dizziness overwhelming him so badly that he could not stay on his feet. As hands gently guided him backwards he closed his eyes and rested his head against the pillows, breathing deeply in a desperate attempt to regain control of himself. 

“Easy mate” Tom soothed him gently, his hand resting on his shoulder gently. Quinn lifted his arm and placed his forearm across his eyes, he could feel his heart racing in his chest, he gulped – desperate to not be sick. “Hey it happens Peter, just try to relax whilst you get your balance back” the therapist soothed him carefully.

“Fuck” Quinn whispered, his heart pounding in his chest, and his eyes still squeezed tightly shut. Tom stepped back, sensing that the man needed some space.

“I don’t think we can push things any further for now- I will sort you some pain meds out and then later this afternoon try and get you sat upright- this may have been a case of too much too soon” Tom explained, feeling concerned- but keeping his tone light. Quinn nodded lightly, feeling too ill and too tired to even fight against the crushing disappointment. He simply gripped onto the bed and waited for the pain killers to kick in, then five minutes later he drifted away to sleep. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Carrie had a feeling she was going to be faced with a very grumpy Peter Quinn when she returned to the hospital- Dar had called her to let her know that his first therapy session had been far from how he had planned, and she knew he would be even more frustrated with this update, she sighed to herself before she stepped into the room, pleased to see him sleeping soundly. She sat down as quietly as possible and was surprised when a pale face turned to look at her and groggy blue eyes blinked open.

“Hey- how you feeling?” she asked him, finding herself in the standard position of gently stroking his arm. 

“Awful” he croaked in reply being uncharacteristically honest about his own feelings. He was exhausted, his head was banging and the dizziness was yet to pass. Carrie grimaced, knowing that for him to admit he felt bad that he must feel pretty horrendous. 

“Do you want me to get the doctor?” she asked. He shook his head gently, swallowing through the nausea and trying to regain control in front of his friend.

“Think I just need to ride it out” he responded. “Did you speak to Dar?” he asked.

“Yeh- they are still debriefing your new friend- but by all accounts information has been very forthcoming” she told him with a smile. Quinn sighed in relief, glad that all of this was actually for something and it would actually help in the fight against terror. 

“Good- any update on when the next mission is set for?” he asked, trying to process if the team would go without him, or wait for him to be fit to join them. Carrie winced, wondering what her friend was actually thinking, hating the thought of him redeploying back into a warzone and being exactly where they were three months ago. 

“None yet- but the whole team are on leave for the next week” Carrie explained and Quinn grinned before he could stop himself. 

“Good- they need the break” he finally stated tiredly. Carrie snorted at the comment, so typical of Quinn to notice how other people needed a rest or some down time, yet he was ready to discharge himself from hospital when he couldn’t even walk. He quirked his eyebrows at her reaction, completely unaware of his own inability to care for himself. 

“Has Rob been by?” she asked, to avoid any conflict.

“No- but I wouldn’t expect him to” Quinn responded.

“Both him and Callum were here for hours after your surgery” she told him, pretty certain that he wouldn’t even be aware of it. He looked up in surprise, that was unusual.

“Did they say why?” he asked in confusion.

“No- pretty obvious that it’s because they are your friends and they were worried about you” Carrie replied in surprise, she found it sad that he would actually be surprised that his team mates had visited him when he had been so badly injured. He shook his head, struggling to process the information in his tired state. “You get some rest Quinn- it’s been a long day” she told him gently, recognising he was fighting the need for sleep. He surprised her again by nodding and closing his eyes, the events of the day finally catching up with him.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Three days later and Carrie was surprised to return to find Quinn sat up in the chair beside his bed, he looked pale and shaky- but he was out of bed and she was elated to see the progress.

“Hey! I assume your therapy went well then?” she asked as she perched on the edge of the bed.

“So far so good” he replied gesturing the chair, he would never admit it but he was absolutely exhausted. The movement of the bed to the chair and then the chair to the bathroom and back had literally sapped him of all of his strength, much to his own disgust. 

“Have you eaten?” she asked him, knowing it was the thing he had been resisting, despite that delaying his release. 

“He is about to” the nurse stated as she walked into the room carrying a small tray of food. With her spare hand she pushed the lowered trolley over to the chair and placed the tray carefully down on it. “Now I know you think you can’t manage, but if you just do it slowly you should be able to manage a little” she told him kindly, taking the cap off of the small bowl to reveal a steaming bowl of soup, a packet of crackers gently placed beside it. She noticed Quinn instantly paling, either at the smell or the thought of eating. “Just take it steady Peter- no pressure” she told him softly, squeezing his arm. He nodded lightly, trying to ignore the slight tremor to his arm. 

Carrie watched as Quinn took obvious breaths on the attempt to gain control of his rebelling stomach and calm himself down. She saw the actual moment he had succeeded in mustering himself together and watched as he reached out and unwrapped the crackers, nibbling on the corner of the first one before swallowing in what appeared to be a painful action. She smiled to herself at the effort he was making- and knew instantly at that moment that everything would be all right and he would keep fighting to get himself back to full strength. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Quinn sat up in the chair, his eyes still unable to focus on the pages in front of him- it had been a week since he had managed to get up on his feet and even eat a little- and now his itchy feet were coming into full force. He was able to walk down the hallway on crutches, it hurt and it left him exhausted- but he could do it. The medical team were hesitant to release him, but he knew in his own mind that given a day or so more and he would walk out regardless- there was no way on earth he was going to stay any longer. He had another check up on his leg later that morning and as far as he was concerned that would be the final push for him to get himself discharged. He looked up as the door swung open and Dar Adal stepped in.

“Good Morning Peter” he greeted with a smile, handing the younger man a paper bag. “I brought you breakfast” he stated. Peter snorted in response as he looked in the bag to see a fresh bagel.

“Thanks” he finally muttered, never able to fully understand his boss’s apparent urge to feed him all the time. 

“How are you feeling?” he asked as he sat on the other chair and began eating his own breakfast.

“I’m fine- ready to get out of here” Quinn responded as he took a small bite of the bagel. “What’s the update for the mission?” he asked. 

“I have deployed echo team to the region- intelligence gathering so that we can set up the operation”

“What time scales are we talking?” Quinn asked, his interest piqued. 

“A month, maybe six weeks- we need to have enough to really grab him by the balls” Dar responded, keeping his voice quiet- but his tone conveyed the gravity of the situation. Quinn nodded, that was doable- he had come back from far worse on tighter timescales. “Now I know what you are thinking Peter- but I won’t have you deployed when you aren’t fit” Dar warned him.

“Don’t worry Dar- I’ll be fit” Quinn stated, his eyes ablaze with burning determination. Dar smiled, but couldn’t hide the slight concern that the comment brought to him. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

 

Carrie walked into the hospital, bag slung over her shoulder, she was running late. She had hoped to make it before Quinn had the assessment on his leg- but she knew that would be over and done with by now. She sighed, she really hoped Quinn had received good news, or God knows how he would react and what mood he would be in now. She pushed open the door and was surprised to find it empty, she looked round in confusion, her friend was nowhere to be seen. She looked around, not only was Quinn nowhere to be seen, but the room itself was empty. She groaned having a feeling she already knew what was going on and already thinking of ways that she could kill him- she headed back out of the room and grabbed the first member of staff that she saw. 

“Excuse me- I am looking for Peter Quinn?” she stated.

“Sorry Miss Mathison- the doctor tried to call you. Mr Quinn discharged himself an hour ago” the nurse replied. Carrie closed her eyes against the range of emotions that overcame her. She could kill him, literally ring his neck- but then it was so Quinn like, that it also made her feel proud of how he was fighting. 

“Thank you” she replied, and with one glance backwards headed back out of the hospital hellbent on tracking down her stubborn friend.

End Chapter Eighteen


	19. You're in Ruins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your comments- as a reward this is a nice long chapter. Please keep the feedback coming! :-)

Chapter Nineteen

Quinn grunted as he swung his injured leg out of the taxi- attempting to ignore the burning sensation that shot up the injured limb, with one arm he swung his crutches out and with the other he grabbed hold of the open door and hauled himself upright, blinking through the pain that the motion brought.

“You ok man- or do you need me to help you in?” the taxi driver asked him in concern. Quinn took a moment to regain his breath before replying.

“Na I’m fine thanks” he finally replied with an attempt at a smile. Carefully he arranged his crutches in the correct hands and cautiously stepped onto the curb. He stepped to the side and shut the door before slowly and carefully making his way into the apartment block- grateful there had been an opening on the ground floor. 

 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“I have checked everything I can think of- the trouble is he is such a secretive bastard I don’t even know where he lived before he shipped out to Syria” Carrie told her sister as she sipped on the glass of wine. 

“And what are you going to do when you eventually find him?” Maggie asked, filling up her own glass and sitting down beside the younger woman. Carrie sighed and ran her fingers through her blonde hair.

“I literally have no idea- I just need to know that he’s safe and being taken care of” Carrie replied carefully, an idea suddenly springing to mind. “If there was just somewhere he could stay where I would know he was safe and had the care that he needs” she mused. Maggie sighed as she knew exactly what her sister was hinting at.

“I barely know the man Carrie- but the chances of you convincing him to come and stay here with your sister and your small child and accept the help you are trying to give him seem pretty slim to me” she finally replied. 

“Not if I make him see that he doesn’t really have a choice” the CIA agent stated softly. “Would you mind if he stayed here for a few days?” she asked. Maggie couldn’t help the laugh that escaped her. 

“Of course I don’t mind Carrie- the guy is clearly crazy about you and anyone that goes to the lengths he does to keep you safe is welcome here any time. I will make up the spare room in the morning, just in case you manage to find him and convince him” the doctor responded with a smile. She had no idea where things were heading between her sister and the enigmatic operative- but she knew that they clearly cared for each other very deeply, she just hoped they could somehow come up with something that worked for them both and was a healthy balanced relationship. 

“Thank you” Carrie stated and she meant it, she visibly relaxed before picking up her phone and dialling a familiar number, knowing that she would be able to rely on her friend to help her find Quinn.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Quinn sighed as he dry swallowed the pain killers and antibiotics he had been prescribed, he knew he would have to venture out in a day or so to get more- and to get some supplies, but for now he was more than content to be spread out on his couch, his injured leg stretched straight out in front of him and his head rested against the pillows behind him. He was still sleeping way too much for his liking, the headaches a constant ache in his skull and his vision still blurred around the edges, he hadn’t even attempted to pick up a book or a newspaper- knowing it was pointless. It didn’t matter too much, he was just relieved to be out of the hospital- the clinical smell and sterile walls too much for him to cope with for any longer than necessary. He knew it was only a matter of time until somebody would find him, Carrie or Dar would make attempts to track him down without doubt- and he was in no fit state to keep moving around, he knew that. For now he was happy to just have the peace and quiet- the soft hum of the radio his only company as he dozed on the sofa, handgun hidden under the pillow that supported his injured head. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“Quinn will not be happy with this Carrie” Max stated with a sigh. The minute he had seen who was calling the previous evening, he had known he was about to be dragged back into something. 

“It’s for his own good Max” she replied, and for once he couldn’t argue. She had called him the previous evening intent on seeking his help to locate their mutual friend and knock some sense into the stubborn man. “Have you made any progress?” she asked, knowing that the tech genius would never fail her.

“I have tracked a cab from the hospital to a warehouse downtown, a second cab left about ten minutes later with one male occupant. That travelled back down towards Columbia Heights” Max told her. “I have called the company and the description matches Quinn” he added.

“Well where was the final drop off?” she asked.

“That bit I don’t know- that cab dropped him off near the bus depot, didn’t see where he went from there” Max replied. “I’m still working on it” he added after observing her silence. 

“Keep me updated” she asked quietly, before hanging up and taking a sip of her coffee. She placed her cell phone in her bag and slung it over her shoulder- grabbing Frannie’s things she was out of the door. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Quinn blinked as he woke up- he glanced at his watch, surprised to see that he had been asleep for twelve hours straight, the sleep clearly needed, but having the effect that the even more vital painkillers had well and truly worn off as his pounding head testified. He felt sick and dizzy and reached onto the floor for the bottle of pills he knew was there, blindly he twisted the top off and put two straight into his mouth. He closed his eyes and draped his forearm over his eyes as he willed the medication to kick in. He felt sick, and knew he stood no chance of moving from his current position even if he wanted to and for the first time he started to doubt the wisdom of just walking out of the hospital without even telling anyone. He sighed, attempting to decide what hurt more- his head or his badly damaged leg. He decided it was a straight tie and considered himself lucky that his torso and arm were giving him little issue. 

Colin would literally kill him if he knew what he had done- he could already imagine the lecture he would receive, and he groaned at the thought. Carrie would be none too pleased with him either, and he knew he was in for it when she caught up with him. He smiled to himself, knowing that she would find him- she was relentless and as stubborn as he was, so it was unavoidable. He sighed and winced as the action yet again caused his head to throb. At least the pain killers were starting to kick in and his head was settling to a dull ache rather than a pounding throb. He reached out to the back of the sofa and attempted to drag himself upright, managing on the third attempt he tried to ignore the fact that the small action had caused him to work up a sweat.

He rubbed his hands over his face- contemplating whether he could make it to the shower or not, mind made up he hauled himself to his feet and grabbed for his crutches and headed into the kitchen- opening up a drawer he grabbed the cling film and slowly turned and hobbled to the small bathroom. He looked at the shower, a small lip to overcome and then he would be in, he carefully reached in- weight pressed against the tiled wall- and turned the faucet, relieved when water started running free. He propped the crutches against the basin, and gingerly pulled his t-shirt off over his head, then he turned his attention to his track pants, easing them down over his hips, he then sat down on the toilet and shuffled them the rest of the way down. Relieved when he managed to get down to his boxers, he then grabbed the film and wrapped it around the dressing protecting his leg. He took a breath, drained just by the minimal activity he had managed so far, he placed his hands on the tiled wall and the basin and pushed himself upright, back on his feet- he took two careful steps forward and finally found himself under the hot flow of water. Closing his eyes and breathing in the steam- he relaxed into the heat of the shower, bowing his head under the water. 

He had no idea how long he stood there- he was brought back to his senses as the water began to run cold and he felt himself shiver. He reached out and turned the faucet off. He turned around carefully- there was no way he was going to pass out and drown in a shower. He smiled to himself, he was shuffling out of the shower cubicle and reaching for his crutches stark naked- his dignity in tatters he slowly made his way to the bedroom. He eased his now aching body onto the bed and carefully bent down to pulling his shorts on over the dressings on his leg. He pulled the wrapping away to expose the dressing beneath and was pleased to see it was still dry. 

His head hurt, his leg hurt and he felt awful. But he was clean and refreshed, he leaned back so he was laid on the bed and without bothering to pull the covers over himself he closed his eyes and went to sleep.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Max sighed as he drew another dead end- it was great that Carrie had such faith in him to find their errant friend- but she also needed to realise that Quinn literally lived his life as a ghost- he faded into the crowds, disappeared at a moment’s notice and left no trace. It was how he had lived for years, how he chose to exist, and it made it incredibly hard for him to be found if he didn’t want to be. He picked his phone up and recontacted his source at the hospital.

“Sorry- I won’t ask you for anything else- how many day’s worth of meds was he given?” he asked, having a thought about how to trace the injured man. 

“Just three days, he needs to get that dressing changed and the further prescriptions tomorrow” the aide told him softly.

“Does he have an appointment for that?” Max asked, his interest piqued.

“Yeh- tomorrow at eleven”

“Thank you!” Max ended the call, now all he had to do was come up with a plan to actually get Quinn’s attention without scaring him off. He sighed as he put his phone back into his pocket- it wasn’t going to be easy, but somehow he feared keeping Carrie away was going to be even harder. He nodded to himself, he wouldn’t call her – and if she called him he would just have to come up with something. Somehow just the thought of it set his nerves on edge. He had been very unsure of Quinn to start with- and he was pretty sure that the feeling had been mutual. Then it had all changed- Islamabad had happened and suddenly it dawned on him the sort of man that Quinn actually was. The man was quietly dangerous, more capable than anyone he had ever known- but also sharp and intelligent. Somehow more important than any of that was the fierce loyalty and protective streak that the other man had, which Max was fortunate enough to have seen first hand. 

He would never forget the way that Quinn had single handedly gone after Haqqani- the man that had killed the love of his life, and he was certain that Quinn had tried to convince Fara that it wasn’t the place for her, but she hadn’t listened. His respect for the assassin had blossomed at that point and he considered him a friend- he was fairly sure that Quinn thought the same despite the distance the operative seemed to keep from everyone he cared about. He would do this for him- if Quinn needed help he would make sure he got it- if he needed time alone, he would help him with that too. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Carrie sighed as yet again her call went unanswered, she had expected to hear back from Max by now, but there had been no contact at all. She wasn’t fully surprised- she knew it wouldn’t be easy to locate Quinn, but she was still disappointed. She put her phone away in her bag and slung it over her shoulder- time to head and collect Frannie, she would have to worry about Max’s lack of response tomorrow.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Quinn literally groaned as he woke up- it was 9am and he had been asleep for an absolute age. It took every ounce of effort to drag himself to his feet and shuffle to the bathroom to relieve himself. His mouth was as dry as sawdust and yet again the painkillers had worn off, he barely made it back to the lounge to grab the pills and he didn’t dare sit down on the sofa. He had less than a half hour to get ready for his pick up for his hospital appointment. Previously he would have skipped it, but he couldn’t risk not getting the medication and he knew that his leg needed checking, he couldn’t risk permanent disability just because he didn’t want to admit he might need help. He limped to the bathroom and gingerly cleaned his teeth, splashing water over his face to help him wake up before quickly washing himself down. He leaned against the basin, these small tasks wearing him out beyond measure. When he had regained some energy he headed back to the bedroom and managed to pull a loose fitting shirt on over his head, and some track pants on over his bandage leg. 

Carefully he made his way out of the door, his phone and wallet in his pocket and his crutches taking most of his weight. He had three separate cabs booked and he didn’t want to miss any of them, he pulled the door shut behind him and blinked furiously in the bright sunlight as he slowly made his way towards the path.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Max held the paper up as he sat in the waiting room, ten minutes before eleven and he heard the gentle tap of crutches hitting tiled floor- it seemed Peter Quinn even managed to do that with unnatural stealth. As he saw the man approaching he folded the paper and put it on the chair beside him and took a good look at his friend. He looked terrible. He was pale, his hair was dishevelled and he was clearly in pain, Max realised the exact moment that Quinn noticed him as he visibly flinched. 

“Good Morning Max” the sharp operative finally greeted him, moving forwards and sitting on the empty chair beside him. 

“Morning” Max replied, looking closely at his friend. “You look terrible” he finally stated and Quinn snorted with laughter at the comment, he had always appreciated Max’s humour and honesty and this was no different.

“Great to see you too” he murmured in response. “What exactly are you doing here?” he asked.

“Waiting for you- see if could help” Max responded gently, the words leaving his lips before he could stop them.

“I am just fine” Quinn responded, not making eye contact.

“Well that’s funny because you look like shit” Max stated candidly. “But if that’s what you are sticking with I will just text Carrie now and tell her you are peachy” Quinn sighed.

“That’s low man” Quinn responded with a further sigh.

“She’s worried about you Quinn- she wants to make sure you are safe” he explained gently. His conversation interrupted by Quinn’s name being called and the man gingerly getting to his feet. Max had to stop himself from reaching out to help as the operative visibly swayed. As soon as Quinn had gone behind the closed door he drew his cell from his pocket and typed out a quick text to Carrie- maybe he did need reinforcements afterall. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Carrie almost jumped as her phone chirped, Saul looked up- suspecting what the text message would be about- or more importantly who.

“Have you found him?” he asked softly, worried himself about their friend.

“Max has” she replied with a smile. “Can you excuse me?” she added getting to her feet. 

“Of course- we can finish this tomorrow. Just go and make sure he’s ok” Saul confirmed with a small smile, knowing that if anybody could knock sense into the injured man then it would be Carrie. She was out of the door and in her car within minutes, knowing she only had so long to get to the hospital before he would disappear again. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Max hadn’t thought it was possible, but somehow Quinn looked even worse when he returned from his appointment. 

“Go ok?” he asked as the taller man slumped in the chair beside him, seemingly only upright out of sheer will alone.

“Awesome” he replied tiredly. “You called her didn’t you?” he asked with a sigh, and before Max could even reply the tip tap of heels answered his question. Quinn groaned again, he was too tired to face this- he looked around, but there was nowhere for him to go- no escape. 

Somehow he must have closed his eyes, for when he opened them again she was squatting down in front of him, her hands on his face saying his name. 

“Stop shouting, I can hear you” he replied, his head pounding. Carrie did not like what she saw, he was pale and shaking, and he looked to her as if he had lost even more weight- weight he could not spare to begin with. She squeezed his shoulder gently.

“Come on Quinn, let’s get you home” she finally stated gently, nodding at Max to help the injured man to his feet. The two friends carefully got him upright, and he balanced his crutches before slowly moving forward. “My car is in the bays out front” she told them and he lacked any energy or desire to respond. He merely kept moving, concentrating on just moving one step at a time. It took them ten minutes to slowly make their way to her car, she carefully opened the back door and helped him in. 

“Do you need me to come with you?” Max asked her as he shut the door.

“No Maggie is at home, she’ll get him in line” Carrie replied with a sad smile, taking the paper bag of medication from her friend and putting it on the front seat. “Thanks Max- I owe you again” she told him and he nodded, instantly knowing that he had done the right thing in contacting her- he just hoped that Quinn would agree. He nodded once more and headed to his own car.

“Where are we going?” Quinn slurred from the back seat, unable to fight any more.

“My sister’s place” she told him. 

“No Carrie- no way in hell” he told her, suddenly mustering some fight.

“Just for a day or so Quinn, get some strength back. There’s a spare room and that way I can keep an eye on you and you can get to know Frannie again” she told him, knowing it was a low blow but willing to go there. He sighed, he didn’t want to be a burden on her family, hell he would rather just fester in some rental, but he was spent and he knew that when Carrie had an idea in her head it was hard to change her mind. He closed his eyes and before he could stop himself he had drifted to sleep. Carrie released a breath in relief, that had gone far easier than she had imagined- although she also found that worrying. She turned her attention back to getting them home before he woke back up and changed his mind.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Maggie looked out the window as she saw her sister’s car pull onto the driveway, she had no idea how she had managed to convince her friend to come and stay with them, but somehow she had. She opened the front door and stepped out- watching in interest as Carrie opened the back door of her car and helped a rather ill looking Peter Quinn struggle out of the car. She chuckled to herself as the injured man shrugged off Carrie’s helping hand and instead struggled to grip the crutches and slowly make his own way from the car. Carrie walked beside him, ready to catch him if needed.

“Hi Peter” Maggie greeted with a smile. He smiled tiredly at her, pain lines evident on his pale face.

“Hey Maggie- nice to see you” he greeted her in return as he carefully edged his way up the small step and into the house. 

“I made up the guest room, if you want a lay down” she told him gesturing to the room off to the side. “Unless you want something to eat first?” she asked carefully, knowing not to push the wounded soldier. 

“No I’m good thank you” he replied, his voice soft and unsure- both things she was fairly certain wouldn’t usually be associated with the man in front of her. “Are you sure that this is ok?” he asked her, his exhausted pain filled blue eyes finally looking into hers. 

“You are more than welcome Peter and for as long as you want” Maggie reassured him, reaching forward and gently squeezing his bicep, surprised to find more bandages beneath her hand. Her surprise must have shown on her face for he smiled briefly.

“Don’t worry about that- it was just a scratch” he told her. She smiled at his comment, pretty sure it was going to be an interesting few days with Peter Quinn around. With no further words she pushed open the door to the guest room and gestured him inside. He smiled and nodded his thanks before sitting down on the edge of the king size bed, and leaning back. Without him moving his legs were swung up onto the bed and a comforter pulled over him- and he was asleep instantly.

End Chapter Nineteen.


	20. Lay Down Your Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Quinn still be there when Carrie returns? Will he be able to accept the care that he so obvious needs?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the horrendous wait for this chapter! I have been out of the country without my Mac!
> 
> Please leave your thoughts on this!

Chapter Twenty

Carrie grinned to herself as she ladled some soup into the bowl, placing it on a plate with a fresh roll on the side she headed into the lounge. 

“Hey” she greeted her friend with a smile, his hair was dishevelled, but his face was freshly shaven and he was in clean clothes. “Some soup for you” she told him as she handed him the bowl, noting that he struggled to pull himself upright as he carefully took it from her.

“Thank you” he said with a sigh as he balanced it carefully on his knee. 

“Did you get a good sleep?” she asked as she perched beside him.

“Like a baby” he responded quietly. He couldn’t help but feel awkward now he was very much aware of the fact that he was currently sat on the sofa of Carrie’s sister, having slept in her spare room and eating soup that she had lovingly made, It all seemed so unnatural to him that he couldn’t quite work out how to react or how to feel.

“I have managed to get the rest of the week off- so I figured if you feel up to it maybe we can get out of here tomorrow, get some fresh air” she offered, sensing his discomfort, and willing to do anything to ease it.

“I don’t need a carer Carrie” he told her with a sigh as he sipped at his soup.

“No- but you can’t go running off either, not if you ever want to heal. I know you Quinn and this will drive you stir crazy just sitting around” she told him, choosing her words carefully. He sighed, he couldn’t argue with her, but he also didn’t want her to be forced into babying him. 

“I can go back to my place tonight Carrie- I have plenty of meds and I can get a taxi to my next appointment” he told her.

“And offend my sister? No way Quinn” Carrie retorted, getting to her feet and heading to the kitchen to get herself some of the soup- the smell making her hungry. She took a few extra minutes, keen to give Quinn some space before she went and sat beside him. “So I figured brunch out and then test those skills of yours on your crutches with a walk around the park when we collect Frannie from nursery” Carrie suggested. Quinn sighed, there was no stopping the woman next to him and he wasn’t sure he really wanted to stop her anyway. 

“Whatever you say Carrie” he finally stated, his eyes flicking back towards the TV and his soup remaining almost untouched as his appetite continued to desert him. Carrie looked at him in concern, he had given in too easily for her liking, and she wasn’t satisfied with how little he had eaten either. She knew when not to push- she was slowly learning how to control her natural reaction when it came to the fiercely independent man beside her, and she was desperate to not push him away. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“That is very promising intel Saul” Dar stated as he sipped at the whiskey- the two men had frequented this bar on and off for thirty years.

“Yes- what those boys achieved grabbing him and getting him safely to the RV was outstanding Dar” Saul stated in admiration. He had finally had access to the full report and read for himself exactly what Quinn and his team had been through to safely bring the target back to them, and he could not have been more proud of his friend- although it was also tinged with sadness that the younger man had been through so much and worry as to whether they would get him through it. 

“That’s what they do Saul” Dar stated with a grin, yet his tone also carried an element of pride. 

“What’s our next move?” Saul asked with a grin.

“No rush Saul- we need to strike at just the right moment” Dar replied with a slight smile as he began to formulate a plan in his mind.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

When Carrie set off to collect Frannie she had absolutely no idea whether Quinn would still be there when she got back. She had been half surprised that he had even stayed as long as he had so far if she was honest with herself. Maybe he just genuinely felt so exhausted that he lacked the energy to do anything else, she was just glad that he was still there and safe. She had no idea what the next few days would bring- she knew that there were things that needed to be said, it was just a matter of the appropriate time and place. She sighed as she ran her fingers through her hair as she stood at the gates. She smiled as the red haired girl launched herself at her. Her arms open wide she easily lifted her daughter into the air, suddenly everything seemed so much better as the little face beamed back at her. 

“Come on munchkin let’s get you home” she said as she squeezed the young girl tighter and headed towards the car, buckling the tot in as she got into the driver’s seat. She fastened her own seat belt and started the engine, a small smile creeping onto her face as an idea sprung to mind. She indicated and pulled out of the parking bay and onto the street.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Quinn dozed for most of the afternoon, his leg was throbbing despite the painkillers that he was taking. He pulled himself to his feet, hoping that a wander around the house would at least distract him, he made his way to the kitchen relatively easily. He reached into the cupboard and helped himself to a mug, before turning his attention to the complicated looking machine. He sighed- what was so wrong with a normal filter pot?

He opened the door beneath and found some filters and ground coffee, taking a moment to work out the buttons finally he had it going and the smell of strong coffee filled his nostrils. He smiled as he thought of how simple he needed things to be- all it took was a coffee and he could feel his nerves calming. His leg still hurt, his head still pained him with dizzying intensity- but he was safe and warm so he wasn’t too bad off. As soon as the machine had apparently finished he poured himself a cup and carefully carried it across to the breakfast bar. He wondered if he should have done something, made dinner for the family or tidied up. He wasn’t used to being a houseguest- had never had any family to stay with or to stay with him- so he wasn’t fully sure what the situation dictated. 

 

“Is there enough for another cup?” a voice interrupted his thoughts, and he realised how off par he must be that the doctor had caught him by surprise. “Sorry I didn’t mean to make you jump” Maggie apologised with a small smile, seeing the shutters instantly fall across the wounded man’s face. 

“No you didn’t- sorry” Quinn responded, shaking his head to clear his thoughts. “Here let me pour you a cup” he stated as he limped his way back around the counter. Maggie smiled, she was surprised by his manners, even though she had met him at the funeral she had still expected a different version of the operative to land on her door step this time.

“Thank you Peter” she commented as he placed a cup in front of her. “Have you manage to get plenty of rest?” she asked him as she sat down.

“Are you sure that I am not in your way here?” he asked her, cutting straight to the chase.

“Don’t be silly- the kids are away at camp- the house would be way too quiet otherwise” she told him with a grin. “Are the meds reducing your pain enough?” she asked him, being equally direct.

“I’m fine” he replied quickly, closing his eyes against his automatic reaction. “I am good, thanks Maggie” he corrected himself carefully. She reached across and gently squeezed his hand.

“Peter relax, just accept that people care about you and this will go a lot easier” she told him with a grin. He had no words to reply to her, and he couldn’t quite work out how her comment made him feel. He was spared from any response by the door flying open and a whirlwind of Mathisons stepping through.

“Hey what are you two up to?” Carrie stated as she took in the scene in front of her. 

“Just having a coffee” Maggie responded with a grin, and sending a wink towards Quinn who smiled in return. 

“Well- I hope you have no plans for tonight, because I have got us some treats” Carrie told them, gesturing towards the bags that she held. “Quinn- get your ass back on that sofa before you fall down. Maggie, it’s sweat pants time because I have got movies and treats here and no excuses” Carrie stated as she began to empty out the bags. Quinn groaned, somehow he had found himself embroiled in a slumber party and there was no escape for him. He dipped his head and very slowly made his way back into the lounge- he had shown more enthusiasm walking into the middle of a gun fight. Carrie couldn’t help but laugh as she saw his reaction- it had been expected. Maggie raised an eyebrow, but didn’t comment, she simply headed upstairs to change into some comfortable clothes and went along with her sister’s idea. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Two hours later and there were two CIA operatives and a doctor curled up on the sofa watching lord of the rings, a bowl of chips between them as no one felt the need to speak.   
Quinn was exhausted, but somehow felt the most relaxed that he had been for such a long time that he couldn’t bring himself to go to bed, so he stayed put and watched the film.   
Carrie was so close to Quinn that she could smell him, his subtle scent so very him and so familiar that it made her feel secure and safe just being side by side. She had missed him beyond measure and couldn’t face the thought of ever losing him again.  
Maggie smiled as she took in the sight in front of her, she had never seen her sister so relaxed- never mind with a man. The two were clearly deeply in love with each other- yet for whatever reason had no desire to admit it. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Maggie wondered if Carrie had chosen such a long film on purpose. She got to her feet as quietly as possible and moved the foot stool closer to the sofa- carefully lifting Peter’s injured leg onto it. She stood and looked at the two- just soaking in the scene in case she never got to see it again. The two younger people had fallen asleep an hour ago- and she had no desire to wake them or move them. She grabbed a blanket and gently draped it over them. She moved to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge before placing it on the small table beside the injured man- the bottle of tablets beside it. She knew he would be late in taking his medication, but then she also knew that he desperately needed good quality rest. The man looked so young as he slept, the stress and pain lines finally disappearing as he fully relaxed. She really hoped that the man could find peace and the two of them could find some happiness. She sighed, having a sense that it probably wouldn’t be the case, flicking the light off she turned and quietly headed off to bed.

End Chapter Twenty


	21. Give up the Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the reviews guys! Please keep them coming...

Chapter Twenty One

Peter woke up feeling sore and confused, he blinked in the darkness attempting to adjust his vision After a few moments memory returned and he realised where he was. He sighed as he glanced to his side and saw Carrie fast asleep beside him. He winced as a bolt of pain shot through his leg, and his hand gripped the arm of the sofa to stop himself from crying out. He looked around to try to work out how he was going to get up without waking the woman beside him. He caught sight of the bottle and the pills on the table beside him and sent a silent thanks to the doctor that he assumed was asleep upstairs. He swallowed the pills and rested his head back to wait them kicking in. Rationally he knew it had only been a matter of days since his surgery so it was no surprise that he was in pain and so immobile- but Quinn was not a patient man when it came to his own recovery. Sure he could await a target for days perched on a rooftop with just canned goods to eat and he would never utter a word of complaint- but he was a useless patient, he willed his leg to heal itself so that he could jump on the first flight back to a desert somewhere. He sighed, he knew he was being foolish, he knew he had to give it time- but resting didn’t come naturally to him. Resting gave him too much time to think, too much time to consider what to do next and where he should go. He rubbed his eyes and sat up, he carefully placed his hands on Carrie’s head and eased her down to the sofa as he gritted his teeth and pulled himself up to his feet. He knew he would be stupid to even attempt to put weight on the injured leg so he hopped the few steps to where his crutches were leaning against the wall and made him way across the hall and into his room. 

He sat down carefully on the bed and pulled his phone out of the drawer of the cabinet thumbing it on- he was unsurprised to see several messages from Dar Adal. He groaned as he listened to the voice messages and deleted them one by one- he had known it would only be a matter of time before the other man had attempted contact with him. He glanced at the time, it was too early to call the other man just yet so he settled for tapping out a text to Max instead to arrange his lift to Langley- only half surprised when the other man replied immediately. He knew the debrief would be a tiring experience, and was actually glad that it was set for the next day so at least he wouldn’t have to let Carrie down today- although it would have given him an excellent excuse to get out of her plans for the day. He sighed again, and got back to his feet heading into the small bathroom he set the shower running, and whilst it was warming up leant against the sink to have a quick shave. Within minutes he had showered, washed his hair and was freshly shaved with a towel around his slim hips. He couldn’t help but noted his reflection in the mirror- he had lost weight, and more importantly muscle mass, he would need to work on that- maybe hit the gym for some upper body stuff at least. 

He dried himself off and pulled a T-Shirt on over his still damp hair, he winced as it pulled on his damaged torso to get the top over his head, but he managed. He then shuffled some boxers on over the dressings and splints on his battered leg. He sighed as he looked through the trousers that he owned- finally setting on the last pair of sweat pants that he had, knowing they were the only thing that would actually fit over the injuries without restricting movement or aggravating the wounds. He pulled a jumper on, knowing that after his recent deployment to the middle east he would feel the cold more than he usually did.  
He ran his fingers through his hair- he was as presentable as he was getting, he looked at his watch and grabbed his phone, dialling Dar from memory.

“Peter at last” Dar replied with the sing song tone he had. “I trust you are healing well?” he asked, genuinely interested in the welfare of his young charge.

“I’m fine Dar” he responded as he sat back on the bed. “I got the message for the debrief- I will see you there at eleven” he added.

“Excellent Peter” Dar commented with a smile. “I would bring a bag- it may be a long day” he confirmed Quinn’s fears. Peter sighed before nodding to himself.

“it’s to be expected” he finally commented. “I will see you then” he confirmed, disconnecting the phone without waiting for a reply. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Carrie woke up with a jolt- feeling beside her she was surprised to feel an empty space. She looked around in a mild panic, surely he wouldn’t have just left? She rubbed her face to wake up and got to her feet- keen to find out where the wayward operative had apparently disappeared to. 

“Quinn?” she called out, keeping her voice low to avoid waking her sister. She was relieved to hear the tell tale tap of his crutches on the wooden floor.

“Hey” he whispered as he appeared back in the kitchen. “Sorry I didn’t mean to wake you” he told her quietly.

“You didn’t- I was just worried, I thought you had left” she replied the words out of her lips before she could stop them. 

“No- I was just getting showered. Do you want some coffee?” he offered with a smile, his tone reassuring her. 

“Yeah that would be great thanks- do you mind if I go and grab a shower?” she asked him softly and he smiled again.

“No- I’ll get the coffee on and wait down here- not that I have a choice” he added gesturing his crutches with a grimace. She chuckled at his comment and his expression.

“Thanks Quinn- I’ll be fifteen minutes tops” 

Twenty minutes later and Carrie reappeared, freshly showered and dressed and gratefully accepted the steaming coffee that Quinn passed her. 

“Thank you!” she stated, “so I thought we would head out and grab some breakfast if that suits?” she asked carefully.

“Sure- I have nowhere else to be” he replied as he sipped his own coffee. She took that as a positive response and finished her coffee in silence. She grabbed her bag and her keys and she yet again sent a telepathic thank you to her sister for looking after Frannie for her. 

“Let’s go” she invited as she held open the door- watching as he slowly made his way out of the door behind her. It took a few minutes but finally they were in her car and on the way. She couldn’t help but notice that her friend already looked exhausted. She tapped her fingers o the steering wheel, suddenly doubting the wisdom of her idea, and hoping that she wasn’t pushing him too far already.

“Relax Carrie- I’m fine” Quinn told her, his eyes never leaving the road. She smiled to herself- he always had been able to read her easily, it was part of why they worked so well together. “Where we going?” he asked her, sensing that she needed distracting. 

“The Braeburn” she responded. He whistled at the comment.

“You paying?” he asked her with a grin, suddenly feeling underdressed in his joggers and jumper. 

“My suggestion so my treat” she replied with a smile, glad to see a bit of life in his eyes. He nodded.

“Suddenly I am starved” he commented with a mischievous grin. Thirty minutes later and it was clear that his version of starved now was very different to the one she had always known. He had a plate of eggs in front of him and ate less than Frannie would have. He nibbled on a slice of toast as she finished her pancakes.

“More coffee?” she asked him, and he nodded in response. She glanced again at the food left on his plate, and she couldn’t help herself. “Quinn you need to eat” she told him softly, and he flinched at the comment. 

“I’m fine Carrie” he whispered, putting the toast back on the plate and averting his eyes. 

“Please Quinn- I don’t want to nag, but I’m worried about you, you’ve lost too much weight” she stated, speaking before she could stop herself. He sighed, he couldn’t argue when he knew she was right, but he wasn’t hungry. 

“I am just not hungry” he whispered, his energy deserting him. “Please Carrie- I am fine” he told her, willing her to stop pushing him. 

“You are not fine Quinn- but you will be” she reassured him as she squeezed his hand over the table. She was surprised when he allowed the contact, even squeezing back eventually. He hesitated before reaching for the bread again with his free hand and taking a bite, chewing carefully until he had managed to eat the rest of the slice. Carrie smiled, proud to see he was trying. She let go of his hand and reached for the coffee, filling both of their cups and wiping her hands. 

“It’s nice here” Quinn stated as he chewed on a fork of eggs, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to eat much more. 

“Yeah- Maggie brought me here when I was off with Frannie” she replied, she liked the place, just nice enough that it was safe to relax, but without being too up market that you had to dress up and watch how you spoke. “What do you want to do after this?” she asked him.

“Hey it’s your leave you tell me” he argued abandoning the food and once more reaching for his coffee.

“Well do you want to see a movie? Or got to the park?” she asked him, and he couldn’t help the grin that came to his face as she gave him options that he expected she would also give her small child. 

“Fresh air would be good” he told her. “Can we swing by my place? I just need to grab a couple of things” he asked her as he sipped at his coffee.

“Yeah sure- of course” she agreed readily.

“I have to go to Langley tomorrow- debrief. I need to be ready” he told her, surprising her by sharing the information. 

“You spoke with Dar?” she asked in surprise.

“Yeah he had left me messages so I called him this morning” he told her “hopefully he will update on what they have managed to find” Carrie winced at his words, the longer she could avoid him showing interest in anything agency related the longer she could keep him nearby and safe, 

“Sure- I suppose you don’t want to go in track pants do you” she said with a smile, not wanting to spoil the mood she settled the bill and the two friends made their way back to the car. 

 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CA

They lasted less than an hour at the park before it was perfectly clear to Carrie that Quinn was exhausted. 

“Come on let’s get back” she told him, and the fact that he simply followed with no words of an argument proved her point. He moved slowly and carried himself stiffly as he hobbled beside her. She was relieved to finally get him safely back in the car and buckled in. She moved round to the driver’s side and started the ignition.

“Sorry Carrie” he whispered, a sheen of sweat over his forehead.

“Hey don’t apologise, it was getting chilly anyway” she told him, looking him over with concern. 

“Thanks for today” he muttered as his eyes slipped shut and he was asleep before she could even reply. She drove on in silence, lost in her own thoughts as she considered next moves. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Quinn startled awake as the car stopped on the drive, he groaned as he realised he had fallen asleep on Carrie yet again. 

“Sorry Carrie” he said for the second time, and Carrie couldn’t help but slap him gently on the arm.

“Stop apologising Quinn- you need your rest” she told him as she applied the brake and headed out of the car and moved round to help her friend out. The two walked slowly into the house and Carrie guided the injured man across to his bed and sat him down, she disappeared for a second and was back in moments with his medication. He silently swallowed them and made no protest when she carefully pushed him back. As soon as he was laid down she carefully pulled his shoes off and covered him in the blanket with a tenderness Quinn didn’t even know she was capable of. “Sleep- I will wake you up for dinner, but get some rest” she told him gently, placing a kiss on his forehead she pulled the drapes and shut the door leaving him to sleep. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Quinn groaned as he came awake, blinking to clear his vision he was surprised to see a pair of eyes staring back at him. 

“Hi” a little voice whispered as the eyes remained locked on his.

“Hi” he whispered back, rubbing his hand over his eyes to try and come around. 

“Mummy says you are poorly” Frannie stated as she grew brave and took a step forward.

“I was, but I am doing much better now” he told her gently, attempting a smile. 

“Have you hurt your leg?” she asked him, her face screwed up in a look of inquisition. 

“Yes, but its healing” he told her as he pulled himself upright. “Does your Mummy know you are in here?” he asked her, sensing he knew the answer.

“Uh uh- she is in the kitchen making some dinner” the little girl responded shyly. Quinn grinned to himself as he carefully swung his legs out of the bed and reached for his crutches. Frannie took a step back to get out of his way. He bit his lip to prevent a further groan from escaping him and he managed to make it to his feet.

“I would murder a hot chocolate about now- how about you?” he asked he with a wink, and her smile was all the answer that he needed as he headed out of the door, hearing little feet following him closely behind. The two made their way into the kitchen slowly, and Quinn grinned as he caught sight of Carrie stood clearly frazzled and stressed by her cooking. He couldn’t help the snort that escaped him. 

“If you want to eat you should shut up” she told him looking at him square in the eye, just stopping herself from swearing as she saw her daughter behind him. 

“Do you mind if I make some hot chocolate?” Quinn asked with refraining from commenting on the smells he could sense from the kitchen.

“Sure- knock yourself out” she told him with a sigh, stepping back to allow him to awkwardly manoeuvre around the kitchen. Within ten minutes both the invalid and the small child had a rich mug of hot chocolate with marshmallows and cream and were positioned snuggled on the couch. Carrie shook her head to herself as she headed back into the kitchen to attempt to salvage what she could of the meal she was making. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“I have never heard of Moana” Quinn stated as he sipped on his drink, his leg propped up on the foot stool in front of him as the small girl appeared to get even closer into him. Frannie giggled as he was left with a moustache of cream from his drink which he licked away. He flicked the remote and smiled as Frannie’s eyes lit up as the film came onto the screen in front of them. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Carrie stepped into the lounge about to holler out that dinner was ready when she just managed to stop herself as she absorbed the sight in front of her. She felt her heart leap into her throat as her two favourite people in the World were asleep in the sofa underneath the throw- the Disney film still playing on the TV. Quinn looked like a little boy as his hair was falling across his forehead and all of the pain lines smoothed out. Frannie looked as comfortable as she had ever seen her, her head in Quinn’s lap and her hand gently wrapped around his. 

Carrie stood and soaked in the sight, knowing that this would be one of her happiest memories for years, she reached into her back pocket and pulled out her phone. Stepping slightly closer she silently took a photo, knowing that this image could one day be the one thing that would be of consolation- that for one day she had everything she could ever want right here in front of her.

End Chapter Twenty One


	22. Throw Up Your Arms into the Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Quinn heads back to Langley for the debrief Carrie senses a shift....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments! Just a few more chapters yet!

Chapter Twenty-Two

 

Quinn signed as he shuffled into jeans, it hurt and he knew he was going to be uncomfortable all day, but there was no way he was going to Langley wearing sweat pants.

“Are you sure you’re ready for this Quinn?” Carrie asked him as she noticed how pale he looked. She hadn’t missed the fact he had been relying on his pain kills far more over the last day or so as he had started actually moving around and she couldn’t help but worry that it was a case of too much too soon.

“I can’t delay the inevitable Carrie” he replied with a sigh as he placed his wallet and ID card in his back pocket. She smiled at the memories of the first time she had met him. 

“Still say Analyst on that?” she asked with a grin and was pleased by the laugh that answered her question.

“Come on- you believed it for a while there” he smiled as he buttoned up his shirt, only wincing slightly as it pulled on the bullet wound to his bicep.

“Well you made a mighty fine analyst” she told him with a big smile and a raised eyebrow.

“I am not too shabby at black ops either Carrie” he told her seriously his turning darker as reality returned. She nodded, knowing that he was right in what he said- but hating that he was even setting foot briefly back at work so soon after he had got home safely.

“I know that too Quinn” she told him quietly. 

“You sure you don’t mind driving me? Kinda sucks going to work while you are on leave?” he stated with a wince. 

“No it’s fine- I am dropping you and then me and Maggie are off to grab some lunch” she replied, swinging her bag over her shoulder. 

“You know I probably won’t be back tonight?” he queried and she nodded, absolutely hating it but also knowing that she probably wouldn’t see him until the next evening. 

“Yeah I know- although Frannie will be greatly disappointed” she told him in an attempt to lighten the tone- and enjoying the slight pink rising in his cheeks far too much. 

“She’s a great kid” he stated softly, and he meant it. 

“Thank you” Carrie grinned, she had a rocky start when it came to parenting, but she absolutely adored her daughter and was growing to be so proud of the girl she was developing into. 

“We better get going” Quinn stated with a sigh as he grabbed his crutches and slowly began making his way towards the door. Carrie followed behind, trying to not mother him as she knew how much he would hate it. She also knew how much she was going to hate him being at Langley relieving his recent experiences and without her beside him. Without any further delay the two got into the car and headed off on the familiar journey.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Quinn was already exhausted by the time he stepped out of the elevator onto Dar’s floor. He could feel his arms shaking as he distributed his weight onto the crutches, but he knew he needed to get this over with. Without hesitation he knocked on Dar’s door and was unsurprised when the older man pulled it open immediately. 

“Peter- come in and sit down before you fall down” he greeted him surprisingly gently as he guided him towards the arm chair and watched as the agent practically dropped into it. “If you aren’t ready for this Peter you need to say” he told him as he poured two steaming cups of coffee.

“I’m fine Dar- just need to get this done” Quinn responded, accepting the drink gratefully. 

“The rest of the team have already been debriefed separately- but I thought it might assist having Rob and Callum in with you” Dar explained, his voice relatively caring as he spoke to his injured operative, “How are the headaches?” he asked as he sat down beside the younger man. 

“Getting better” Quinn responded with a wince. He wasn’t lying- they were improving, either that or he was getting better at living with them, but they had diminished from a blinding pounding in his head to a constant throb which in his opinion was far easier to live with.

“And the leg?” Dar asked and Quinn sighed- he had known this was coming.

“That’s anyone’s guess” he finally responded.

“Your appointment is still next week?” the head of black ops asked, knowing that Peter would hate the questions- but he needed to know that the younger man was going to be ok- and not just because he needed him back in the field. 

“Yep- hopefully be able to start in therapy straight afterwards”

“Peter don’t rush” Dar warned. Quinn rolled his eyes at the statement, sick of being told what was best for him- he was a grown man after all.

“Why? You want to send me back don’t ya?” he challenged softly, his expression calm and his eyes locked onto those of the older man” Dar was saved from replying by a soft knock on the door. He got to his feet and let the other team members in, frowning as he saw Quinn pull himself to his feet and offer his hand to each in turn.

“Well you look better than the last time I saw you” the medic commented as he looked his friend over. Quinn was still much too thin for his liking, he was pale and his eyes were missing their usual spark- but he was alive and up and talking which at points over the last month had appeared doubtful at times. 

“That’s funny because you look like shit” Quinn replied with a grin, slapping the younger man on the shoulder and hoping he didn’t return the gesture and send him flying. Callum choked out a laugh as the Quinn that he knew was still very much evident.

“Well busy with the ladies whilst we wait for your sorry ass to get fixed” the medic responded without missing a beat. Rob shook his head at the exchange, pleased to see that the two had slipped straight back into the usual routine. 

“When you three are quite ready shall we move to the conference room?” Dar invited with a shake of the head, stepping through the doorway before any argument could be forthcoming. The three men exchanged a glance, Rob squeezed Quinn’s uninjured bicep gently and the three made their way across to the other room. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“Will you stop worrying! Peter will be fine, he has done this before and from what you have said he has always coped just fine” Maggie stated as she took a sip from her glass of wine.

“Not like this though Maggie- he has been through so much, and he isn’t ready for this” Carrie commented as she reached for her own glass.

“He isn’t ready for it- or you aren’t?” Maggie queried, knowing her sister far too well. Carrie sighed as she took another drink. 

“I should be with him Maggie” she stated.

“Are you with him at every other debrief? Do you always sit and hold his hand and guide him through ever mission?” Maggie teased him softly. “You can’t mollycoddle him Carrie. Now I know I don’t know him very well, but from the little I do know there is no way he would want you smothering him or babying him Carrie- you need to back off and respect that he is a grown man who is a seasoned veteran who can handle himself” Maggie stated, the wine giving her more courage to challenge her younger sister than he normally possessed.

“Then how do I make sure he is ok?” Carrie asked quietly, slightly taken aback by the passion that her sister had shown.

“By doing exactly what you have been doing- be there for him, support him and show him that you care. If he needs you he knows that you are there for him right beside him. That is far more valuable to someone like Peter than having you follow him around as if he will break at any moment” Maggie explained with a small smile. 

Carrie groaned, unable to argue with the wisdom of the doctor, how had Maggie known Quinn less than a week and already got the measure of him and what he needed- whereas she was still getting it constantly wrong after all of these years. 

“Fine- now pour me some more wine” she requested with a grimace and Maggie couldn’t help but chuckle at the comment- before doing as she was asked. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Quinn reached for the glass of water on the table and couldn’t help but notice his hand was shaking. He had reached the point of exhaustion two hours ago and knew he wasn’t far from collapse. 

“Dar we need to stop” Rob warned, unable to stop himself from speaking up. The debrief had started ten hours before and with the exception of a small break for lunch it had been endless.

“I’m fine” Quinn argued, his voice unsteady and his skin pale. 

“No you’re not- Dar lets finish up tomorrow” Rob stated, his eyes locked onto those of his boss. Dar nodded, he hadn’t missed how tired the injured man was and he was far too valuable to risk breaking him completely. 

“Yes- back here at ten gentlemen” Dar agreed, making eye contact with the team medic and handing the swipe cards to Rob. “It’s the apartment attached- get some rest and come back ready to finish up” he stated. Rob nodded, before helping Quinn to his feet and leading the way out of the room.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“You good?” Rob asked as Quinn finally flopped down onto the sofa in the CIA apartment. 

“Yeh” he groaned as he rested his head back against the cushions. Rob and Callum exchanged a glance as they took in the exhaustion of the other man. Callum turned and headed into the kitchen taking out his cell and ordering pizza to the anonymous apartment building. He then turned to the fridge and pulled out three cold bottles of beer before heading back into the lounge. He handed one to Rob before sitting down on the sofa beside the exhausted man- he tapped him on the side of the face with the cold bottle.  
Quinn’s eyes flickered open in confusion and he smiled as he saw the bottle handed to him. 

“Thanks” he muttered as he accepted the drink.

“You allowed?” Rob asked as he took up the arm chair set to the side. 

“No idea” Quinn responded with his eyes closed before taking a long drink. Rob chuckled to himself at his friend’s typical stubbornness. 

“So everything good?” Callum asked, taking a sip from his own beer.

“Yeah everything is good” Quinn replied. 

“Good chat” Rob muttered under his breath as he reached for the TV remote and flicked it on, the three men sat back in silence and watched the movie none of them thinking about the contrast to their last meeting.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Carrie glanced at her watch and sighed, she took his pills and headed upstairs to bed. She wondered how Quinn was, and desperately wanted to talk to him- but it wasn’t the time or the place. She knew he was safe and for now that had to be enough for her. She just hoped that he would return to her the next day- hopefully feeling better for talking about everything that had happened to him. 

She pulled back her duvet and slipped under the covers with a sigh. She closed her eyes and desperately hoped that sleep would come.

End Chapter Twenty Two


	23. Lay Down Your Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .

Chapter Twenty-Three

Quinn was exhausted- there was no other word for it. For two days straight he had been reliving everything that had happened in Syria, the drone footage replayed in his mind every time he closed his eyes. He rubbed the bridge of his nose, his head was pounding. 

“You good?” Rob asked him softly as he squeezed the shoulder of his injured friend.

“Yeah- just need to get out of here” Quinn responded, his voice cracking in a rare display of emotion.

“You did well in there man” Rob stated in admiration for the younger man. “Thank god that’s over with” he added as he sat back in a display of his own tiredness. “Taxi should be here shortly- you fancy a drink?” he asked, suspecting he already knew the answer.

“Any other time and I would, but I don’t think I would even make it to a bar” Quinn stated in a rare confession as to how bad he felt. Rob snorted in surprise.

“Tomorrow?” he offered, hoping that his long term friend would agree. 

“Sounds like a plan” Quinn agreed, pulling himself to his feet as he saw the taxi pull up at the kerb. 

“Let me know you get home Pete” Rob hollered as his friend stepped into the cab, his movements stiff and his exhaustion evident in every movement. 

“Sure thing Mom” Quinn replied as he rolled his eyes. 

“See you tomorrow douche bag” Rob shouted after him with a chuckle and was relieved when Quinn flipped him the bird in response. 

“Is he coming?” Callum asked as he joined Rob at the wall.

“Not tonight- but he said he will join tomorrow” Rob replied as he flicked a lighter and lit a cigarette. 

“Good- he needs the rest and then he needs the release” Callum replied with a tired sigh.

“You think he’ll be ok?” 

“He always is isn’t he?” Callum replied as he took a drag on his own cigarette.

“Usually- but this time it was harsh, it was way too close man and he didn’t want to come in the first place” Rob conceded. 

“No one makes Peter do anything that he doesn’t want to Rob” Callum stated as he rolled his eyes. “He got hurt- it’s a risk we all know we face every time we deploy, and we go on to take that risk every single time, because we know what we get in exchange. It saves lives and it keeps this country safe- Quinn knows the value in that as much as anyone, he has never known any different and I don’t think he ever will” the medic stated, a rare insight into how much he knew the more experienced man. Rob smiled at the statement, he couldn’t disagree with any of it.

“You think he will come back out?” Rob asked him, the question that had been playing on his mind ever since they had returned to the states. 

“I don’t think he will be able to help himself” Callum commented, righting himself and walking away, knowing without any doubt that the team leader would follow him- he always did. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Carrie was pacing, she knew she was and she knew it was ridiculous but she couldn’t help it. She was worried, she was trying not to smother him but she was worried beyond belief. 

“Carrie will you sit down! You are wearing a hole in the carpet and it’s new” Maggie teased her with a grin. 

“Sorry” Carrie mumbled, moving away from the window and sitting down. “Where is he? He should have been home ages ago” she stated as she stretched her neck to look out of the window. 

“Stop worrying- he is safe and sound in Washington, maybe he just needs some time to process things- but he will be here” Maggie reassured her sister gently. Before Carrie could reply headlights flashed through the lounge- showing a car on the drive and she was on her feet and moving before Maggie could blink. 

There was no way she would be able to resist greeting him at the door, she was up with the front door open in the blink of an eye. She resisted running down the drive and settled for leaning against the porch- trying not to worry as she watched the tired and poorly man shuffling out of the taxi and attempting to limp up the driveway into the house. She held her ground until she could watch him struggle no more and she surged forward. Within seconds she was by his side with her arm around his waist.

“Quinn- why didn’t you call me and I would have picked you up” she told him, she could feel him trembling as he desperately tried to keep himself upright. 

“I’m fine” he told her through gritted teeth.

“Sure you are- let’s get inside before you freeze to death” she told whispered, easing him in gradually and straight to his bed room. She eased him gently down on to the bed attempting to ignore the pallor of his skin and the sweat that sheened his forehead. She bent down and eased his shoes off, then helped him to lift his legs up onto the bed.

“I’m fine” he repeated, his eyes closed and his head already rested back on the pillows. She pulled the duvet over him and refrained from comment as she sat beside him, his eyes stayed closed and she couldn’t’ resist gently caressing the hair back from his forehead as he slipped into sleep. She smiled at his youthful face as he relaxed into sleep. She had no idea when she had fallen in love with him- but she knew she was too far gone to ever be able to go back now.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Quinn slept for seventeen hours, only waking up briefly for his pain medication before his body betrayed him into going back to sleep.

“I knew he wasn’t ready for a return to Langley” she seethed at Maggie.

“That’s not your call to make” the doctor replied with a grin, loving the protective streak that her sister was showing. “You need anything getting before I head to work?” she offered gently. 

“No We’re good thanks Maggie” Carrie replied with a smile, she had already taken Frannie to day care and had come home assuming Quinn would be wide awake, but the last couple of days had clearly taken their toll on him and he slept on. She sat back down on the sofa and picked up her book- intent on waiting for her friend to wake up, it seemed she was doing a lot of that lately. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Quinn woke up slowly, his head throbbing and his body aching with exhaustion. He groaned as he sat up, assessing how awful he felt before he moved any further. Establishing that he would be able to swing his legs over the bed he completed the action and managed to get himself fully upright, he leaned forward and reached for his crutched before dragging himself to his feet. He took for a few moments to regain his balance before shuffling out into the hallway. 

“Hey” Carrie greeted with a smile, getting to her feet instantly. 

“Hey” he replied, he still sounded exhausted as he moved slowly towards her. “What you watching?” he asked as he practically flopped down on the sofa.

“Sex in the city” she told him and he laughed out loud at the unexpected response. She attempted to look offended, but was so relieved by his response that she couldn’t quite pull it off. “Coffee?” she offered instead, and received a nod in return. She moved into the kitchen and set the machine going. “How you feeling?” she asked him as she handed him a mug a few moments later. 

“Tired, but ok” he replied without opening his eyes. She nodded, pleased about his honest response. 

“Think you can manage some toast?” she asked him softly.

“Not hungry thanks” he responded, not looking up. 

Carrie sighed, she had known that would be the answer, but it didn’t mean she was happy about it.

“What time is it?” Quinn asked her out of the blue. 

“Just after five- why?”

“Can you drop me into town at seven?” he asked her catching her by surprise. 

“Er yeah sure, why?” she agreed.

“Meeting the boys for a drink” he replied, again not lifting his head. 

“Not sure you should be drinking Quinn” Carrie warned softly. 

“Can you drive me?” he asked ignoring her comment completely.

“Sure- I need to pick Frannie up at six anyway” Carrie agreed. 

“Thanks” Quinn responded, getting himself to his feet and hobbling back into his bed room to get showered. Carrie shook her head as he limped past, never surprised by his stubbornness. She glanced at her watch and noted the time, setting him fifteen minutes before she would go in and check he hadn’t collapsed in the shower. She was relieved when after twelve minutes she heard him step out and he emerged back into the lounge twenty minutes after that. She had to admit he did look better- he was still pale and still looked far too thin- but he was more like the Quinn she was used to. He smelt fresh and clean, his hair was swept back and his stubborn was back to the usual length. He had somehow managed to drag jeans on over his injured leg, and he had a button shirt on – it was untucked but he still looked the most like himself that she had seen for some time. 

“You look good” she told him with a smile, he grinned at the comment- knowing she was only talking relatively, but willing to take the compliment. 

“Long as I can get these jeans off later” he replied with a groan.

“I’ll help you” she stated before she could stop herself, immediately blushing bright red. Quinn laughed out loud at the comment, and even harder at her reaction. 

“Not yet Carrie- wait until I get some fitness back” he told her with a wink, his eyes sparkling in a way she hadn’t seen for some time. She nearly choked at the comment, but found herself smiling instead as she realised that Quinn was truly on his way home. 

“I might hold you to that” she stated- looking him straight in the eye. He stopped what he was doing and returned the look with a firm nod. “You ready to go?” she asked him softly.

“Yeah” he replied simply slipping his jacket on and putting his wallet in his pocket. He followed behind her and the two got into the car without further comment,

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“You think he’ll show?” Rob asked the medic as he took a sip of beer.

“Yeh- Pete won’t let us down, if he says he is going to do something he will” Callum replied, nodding towards the door as the object of their conversation limped through it.

“Smart ass” Rob muttered under his breath to the medic as he was proved right. Callum grinned at the comment and slugged some more beer before turning back to the bartender and ordering three more.

“Hey” Quinn greeted as he leaned against the bar, wincing as hi injured leg protested.

“Sit here man” Rob offered getting off the stool.

“Na, I’m good” Quinn argued remaining very much where he was. As soon as he had the beers Callum moved through the bar towards one of the booths at the back, knowing that his two friends would follow. Quinn eased himself down onto the soft chair and took a sip of the beer that was handed to him.

“Thanks” he stated as he surveyed the area. This bar was popular with service men and women- plus fellow agents so he knew it was relatively safe for him to relax. 

“How long before you are fighting fit?” Rob asked cutting straight to the chase.

“I won’t be running a marathon for a while- but couple of weeks and these should be gone” Quinn responded gesturing to the crutches that he hated so much. 

“Dar fill you in on timescales?” the team leader asked quietly.

“Not exactly- but I can guess” Quinn replied with a sigh.

“You going to be ready?”

“You can bet your ass I will be” Quinn responded with a gleam in his eye. The next target was the big one, the one he had been waiting for and there was no way he was going to be forced to sit this one out.

“You know Dar will insist on you being signed as fit? He won’t let his golden boy be put at risk” Callum warned him carefully.

“I’ll be fit man- I’ll make sure of it” he vowed, finishing his beer before smiling at the waitress to order three more, making rare use of his current disability to get table service. 

“I’ll drink to that” Rob grinned, tapping his bottle against the other two in a cheers.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Quinn was staggering by the time the taxi dropped him off at Maggie’s- it was a particular balance with his drunkenness and his head injury not helping his balance at the best of time- so mixed with the crutches he wasn’t getting anywhere very fast. He giggled as he fell into Carrie’s car and contemplated picking the lock and just sleeping in there- he was pretty sure that exactly what he would have done if the front door to the house hadn’t opened at that very moment. 

“Hi” Carrie greeted him, chuckling at the state of him.

“Hey” he slurred in response.

“Good night?” she asked as she moved towards him, taking his crutches to one side and wrapping his arm around her shoulder, helping him shuffle into the house- for once grateful that he was currently so light.

“Yep” he whispered, concentrating on placing one foot in front of the other and not falling onto Carrie as she helped him inside. She headed straight to his room, pulled back the covers and he slipped into the bed, eyes immediately slipping shut.

“Night Carrie” he muttered as she pulled the covers over him. “Love you” he whispered, her breath hitched in her throat at the words and she looked at him. Absorbing every inch of him that she could see, before she got to her feet and tucked the covers around him. 

“I love you too Quinn” she stated as she bent and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek, not missing the soft smile that moved his lips. She pushed her fingers through his silky hair as she watched him sleep- her heart skipping at the drunken words he had said- she just hoped he could repeat them when he was sober, because there was nothing else she would rather hear.

End Chapter Twenty Three


	24. Give up the Fight

Chapter Twenty Four

Quinn groaned as he woke up. He was fairly certain that there was a creature in his skull knocking repeatedly against the inside. He raised his hands to his face and attempted to gather his thoughts together. He had no idea what time he had even made it home, never mind how and he had a churning feeling in the pit of his stomach at the thought. He groaned again as he swung his legs out of the bed, he glanced at his watch surprised to see it was only seven am. He managed to get himself up and showered and headed into the kitchen, he set about the vital task of getting the coffee machine working and leant against the counter whilst he drank his first cup. He heard feet on the floor above him, signalling that the rest of the house hold were up and about. 

He filled the machine back up and set it brewing as he turned his attention to the fridge and carefully got the ingredients out and set about making himself useful. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“Come on Frannie- we’ll be late” Carrie warned her daughter. She swore that no matter what time she got up, no matter how early she started getting ready- she would still be running late and still be rushing. She glanced at her watch, she still had breakfast to make and school bag to pack- and only forty minutes until they had to leave. Finally she managed to braid the girl’s hair and head downstairs. She was surprised to smell cinnamon and bacon from the kitchen. She stepped around the door into the kitchen and was shocked to see Quinn stood at the stove flipping pancakes.

“Quinn?” she queried, and he turned around with a smile.

“Hey” he greeted handing her a steaming mug of coffee. 

“What’s all this?” she asked gesturing around her as she accepted the drunk.

“I just thought I could help out that’s all- Frannie does like pancakes doesn’t she?” he asked as he set the syrup down on the table with some knives and forks. 

“Yeah- they’re her favourite” Carrie replied as she sat down. “I never knew you could cook” she commented.

“I can do lots of things you don’t know about Carrie” Quinn responded over his shoulder and she nearly choked on her coffee at the comment. He started flipping the food out onto a plate and placed it on the counter- seeing the look on Frannie’s face made it worthwhile. 

“Thanks for this Quinn” Carrie stated as she cut up the food for her daughter before filling her own plate. 

 

“This looks amazing” Maggie commented as she stepped into the kitchen. “This is brilliant Peter- thank you for cooking” she said as she sat beside her sister. 

“You’re welcome” he replied shyly as he turned his attention to tidying up. 

“Come and eat with us Peter” Maggie stated, tapping the seat beside her and putting a pancake on a plate. He looked between her and the food and hesitated. In his head he knew he had to eat, needed to eat to get strong again- especially if he was going to return to group. Something was holding him back as he thought of the food hitting his stomach and it turned as it crossed his mind. He sighed, he needed to get over this, and now was as good a time as any. He smiled weakly and sat down beside the doctor, looking nervously at the food in front of him. 

“What time is your doctors appointment?” she asked him, deliberately not watching him eat as he tentatively cut the pancake.

“Not until two this afternoon” he replied, lifting the spoon to his mouth and chewing carefully. 

“I am on shift this afternoon if you want a ride?” Maggie offered as she finished her breakfast. 

“That would be great if you’re sure you don’t mind? You don’t need to wait I can get a cab back” Quinn stated softly. 

“No it’s fine- I only have two appointments so it should fit timing wise” Maggie replied. “Now I need to run- I will be back at one to take you” she told him. “Thanks again for breakfast” she commented as she got to her feet and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. Quinn nodded, unused to such open affection he couldn’t find the words to say. He turned his attention back to the food and took another small bite- concentrating on swallowing and keeping it in his stomach. Carrie concentrated on helping Frannie.

“I need to take her to school- you ok for a while?” she asked her friend with a smile.

“I’m fine Carrie” Quinn responded finishing the last bite of his pancake. Carrie nodded, knowing that he needed some time she continued getting Frannie ready for school and was out of the door in an instant. As soon as the door shut, Quinn pushed his plate away, bowed his head and took a couple of deep controlling breaths. Once he was confident he would keep his dignity he got to his feet and began tidying away. Within an hour all of the dishes were clean and the work tops were pristine. He still had several hours before Maggie was due to collect him for his appointment and there was no way he was going to just sit in and fester. He limped to his room and grabbed his coat, crutches balanced under each arm he headed out of the house.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Carrie was surprised to come home to an empty house, and told herself not to worry. It was obvious that Quinn had took himself out and she wasn’t fully surprised- he wasn’t one for sitting around.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Quinn leant on the bench as he drank his coffee, enjoying the fresh air and the time to himself. He needed to get himself sorted, get his head straight. He had less than four weeks to be fit enough to go back out there, back with the team. But did he want more than that? He knew he would struggle to step away from the team, not now. Now more than ever they were a family, a unit, people he could rely on to be there no matter what the odds. He needed to get back to them- if they went on mission without him and didn’t make it back he would never forgive himself. But then there was Carrie. What did he want to do there? He had always thought that he wanted a picket fence, a nice house, a safe life and a growing family- but now that seemed so alien to him. He didn’t know where he wanted things with Carrie to go, if anywhere at all- but he did know he loved her more than he had ever loved anyone before. If only he had the courage to tell her.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Carrie tried not to flinch as she heard the door shut, she merely looked up from her book. 

“Hey” Quinn stated as he stepped into the lounge.

“Hey- good walk?” she asked him with a smile.

“Yeah thanks- I best get ready for Maggie” he responded, moving away to pull some joggers on for ease at his appointment. He had two check ups stacked, so hopefully he would get some update on his head and his leg by the end of the day. Carrie nodded and watched him leave, something wasn’t quite right with him, he seemed quiet and withdrawn. She sighed it was as if he was distancing himself from her and she didn’t know what to do. 

“I’ll see you soon” Quinn told her as he headed out of the door exactly on time and straight into the awaiting car. Carrie sighed- she had no idea where to go with this next and she was so terrified of pushing him away that she didn’t know where to even start talking to him. She got to her feet and flicked on the TV- she may as well completely lose her mind in rubbish daytime TV. 

 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“All ok?” Maggie asked the injured man as he tiredly made his way back to her car.

“Yeah- all good” he replied softly easing himself into the car. 

“What have they said recovery wise?” she asked him, feeling brave and pushing slightly. 

“Slow and painful” he stated before he could help himself.

“But you will get there?” Maggie probed.

“Yeh- daily therapy sessions starting tomorrow” he told her with a sigh.

“That’s good news” Maggie commented with a smile, knowing that the stubborn man would be happier knowing he would finally be getting somewhere. He grunted in acknowledgement. “Hey chin up Peter- you know you will be up and running in no time” she told him, hoping to reassure him.

“Not quickly enough” he stated, his voice holding an edge that she wasn’t used to hearing from the placid young man. 

“Quickly enough for what?” she asked him in concern as she drove. He didn’t answer straight away, seemingly struggling to find the words. Realisation dawned on the clever doctor as the silence continued. “You’re going back over there aren’t you?” she asked him, her tone carrying her concern.

“I have to Maggie” he replied, and she felt a slice of her heart cry out at his words. She had come to care very deeply for the man that was currently a guest in her house- despite only knowing him for such a small amount of time, and the thought of him once more placed directly once more in harm’s way was almost enough to make her weep.

“What about Carrie?” she asked.

“What about her?” he asked, his eyes locked on the distance out of the window. 

“You must know how she feels about you Peter?” she prompted. “She is absolutely besotted with you- I have never seen her look at anybody the way that she looks at you” she added, and saw Quinn visibly tense beside her. 

“People like us don’t have normal lives Maggie” Peter told her. 

“And what exactly is normal?” Maggie challenged him. “She loves you, you love her- you have chased each other to different corners of the world simply to make sure that you are safe. You both know the lives that you lead its only your fear that is stopping you” she told him- her voice firm and controlled, and the gasp that escaped him confirmed that she had hit the nail on the head. He rested his head back against the head rest and closed his eyes, allowing her words to sink in. 

“I told her how I feel nearly a year ago Maggie- she didn’t want to know then so why would it be any different now” he told her, his voice a mere whisper. Maggie turned to look at him, surprised by the admission and nearly missed her turning as a consequence. She indicated and turned in, pulling onto her driveway she turned off the ignition.

“She loves you Peter- she is just scared of her own feelings. Please don’t give up on her, or yourself” she told him as she got out of the car and walked around to open his door. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Quinn barely slept that night, Maggie had been right- he knew that but he still couldn’t change how he felt. All those months ago when he had told Carrie how he felt he had still been suffering the consequences of the PTSD that had nearly claimed his life. He had genuinely thought he would be able to walk away from the CIA, get a normal job and live in a normal neighbourhood. Now he knew that he never could- he couldn’t settle, he would always wonder what if. But then if he walked away from Carrie with so much unsaid and so much undeclared how the hell could he live like that? He sighed and dragged his hands through his hair. This was no good- he couldn’t go on like this, he needed to think, needed to drag himself back to who he was and wonder about the other stuff later. Quietly he got to his feet and started carefully packing his few belongings into his bag. He propped the crutches against the wall and made the bed. He took one last look and headed out, walking down the street without a backward glance until he could flag down a cab a block away. 

End Chapter Twenty Four


	25. Did You Try to Live on Your Own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your amazing comments on this story- I really appreciate you taking the time you have taken to add a few words!! Thank you thank you thank you!!

Chapter Twenty Five

Carrie had a sense of unease the moment that she got out of bed, and she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Quinn had been quiet and withdrawn the previous day- more so than usual, and she couldn’t help but think he had something big on his mind. She got out of bed and headed downstairs- it was still early and she wasn’t in the least surprised to find that there was no one else up. She moved quietly and made herself a tea as she tried to work out what was making her feel so uneasy- she sighed as she got to her feet and headed to Quinn’s room, the door slightly ajar she pushed it open and then it all became clear as the room was empty and bereft of belongings. He had gone, she leant against the doorframe and swallowed back on her tears- he had run out on her. What had she done? She had pushed him away, made him leave yet again all because she couldn’t tell him how she felt, or maybe because she had- she had no idea and no way to fix it.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“No Peter it’s too soon” Dar argued as his operative sat down opposite him. 

“Let me work on it- behind the lines, build up the intelligence and then we will be ready to move” Quinn stated calmly. “You know it makes sense- the team needs to know this inside and out so it makes sense for me to be involved” Dar sighed at the comments, he was struggling to find a valid argument and he would be partly relieved to have the injured man in his sight where he could at least keep an eye on him. 

“What’s your doctor said?” he finally asked, and he saw the gleam in Quinn’s eyes as he recognised he had won. 

“It’s fine Dar” he replied, reaching for one of the donuts that his boss had handed him as he had walked into the office. Dar rolled his eyes, knowing that it would be less than half of the story. 

“You get a full medical from one of my guys- if and only if they confirm it will cause you no further damage then you can come in for a few hours a day and work on it- but strictly under supervision and strictly only a few hours a day” Dar told him and Quinn nodded in agreement as he drank his coffee.

“Great- where’s the briefing?” he asked.

“Slow down Peter- I told you medical first, I will see what Dr Roscow’s availability is” Dar told him with a warning edge to his voice. He reached for the phone and fifteen minutes later Quinn was in the elevator and on his way to be poked and prodded yet again. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“Why don’t you go round to his place?” Maggie asked as she took in the forlorn expression of her sister’s face.

“Quinn doesn’t have a place Maggie- he moves around” Carrie answered with a sigh.

“Maybe call some of his friends’ from work and see if they have heard from him?” the doctor suggested as she sipped her own drink. She was replaying her conversation with Quinn in her mind and hoping that she hadn’t said anything that had forced the man to leave- something to scare him off. 

“No- he has left for a reason Maggie, maybe he just needs space” Carrie reasoned, trying to be patient and fighting against her natural instinct to hunt him down and drag him back. 

“Come on- let’s go out and have some dinner” Maggie stated, grabbing her purse and knowing that Carrie would follow her the two women headed out. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“He isn’t field fit” the doctor warned as soon as Dar stepped into the room.

“Tell me something I don’t know” Dar replied with a roll of his eyes. 

“He is however making exceptional progress given the severity of his injuries” the experienced doctor stated. “I agree with his therapist- daily therapy and the leg should heal nicely, but he needs to take care and not push too far if he wants to avoid permanent damage”

“The rest?”

“The head injury could be problematic- he could have symptoms of that for some time- headaches, dizziness and nausea, but the severity will get better as time goes on” he explained. 

“Can he do case work? Office bound?”

“What he can do and what he should aren’t necessarily the same thing Dar” the doctor warned cautiously. “It all depends if he will do as he is told, and get rest- not to mention food, the boy is wasting away” 

“I know- fine, if there will be no physical harm caused by him returning to work on a desk job basis then I shall allow it” Dar stated, although even as the words left his lips he knew it was a bad idea.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“You want me to keep an eye on Peter Quinn?” Saul asked in disbelief. “The same Peter Quinn that flew to arrest a possible terrorist less than twenty-four hours after being shot in the gut?” 

“Less keeping an eye on and more keeping in line Saul” Dar reasoned as he topped up both glasses with whiskey. “Feed him enough updates to keep his mind occupied, make sure he goes to each and every appointment and if he goes walkabout you call me” Dar requested, knowing that his old friend would do as he asked, the other man thought a lot of Quinn so he was certain that Saul would help keep him in check. 

“Fine- but if he shoots me I will haunt you” the former acting director stated with a grin as he slugged his drink. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Quinn sat on the sofa in his shorts and sipped at his beer- it was quiet and he was grateful for the peace. He was grateful to Maggie for the care she had shown him, but it had been time for him to go. He needed to finish healing by himself- his way. He rested his head back against the sofa and closed his eyes- his latest place was closer to Langley than he would have liked, but it made it easier for the shortened days Dar was going to allow. He had a cab booked for first thing to take him to the hospital and then he was heading into the office, he dragged himself to his feet and headed to bed.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

The next morning Quinn made himself coffee and pulled on loose joggers and a sweat shirt. He slung his bag over his shoulder and limped his way out to the awaiting cab, within a half hour he was at the hospital and heading into his appointment, determined that this was going to be the start of getting his way back. 

Two hours later and he was doubting his wisdom as his shirt was wet with sweat and his arms were shaking with exertion. He made his way down the halls in what could only be described as a shuffle before heading outside in the fresh air- the cool breeze plastering his shirt against his clammy skin- he changed his plan of heading straight and got a ride home instead.

It took him longer than he should have but he made it under the shower and enjoyed the spray relieving the tension from his flesh. He knew he had to get out and get dried, but the feel of the water was so soothing he struggled. Finally he stepped out and towelled himself dry, pulling on slacks and a button through shirt which he left untucked. He set off again for the second time that day- only stubbornness alone making him move out of the apartment. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Saul looked up as Quinn limped into his office, the man looked infinitely better than he had the last time Saul had seen him, but since that had been in hospital he shouldn’t have been surprised. 

“Hey” the younger man greeted softly.

“Hi Quinn- how you doing?”

“I’m good Saul- you reading me in?” he asked, cutting straight to the chase.

“What’s the rush?” Saul asked as he gestured for his friend to sit down. Quinn sat down, mostly to avoid a display of weakness with his struggle to stay on his feet. “Coffee?” Saul offered and Quinn nodded. “So we have a couple of techs also joining us” Saul stated just as a knock on the door came. Quinn knew who would be stepping in before the door even opened.

“Hey Max” he greeted with a groan. Max and Virgil stepped in to the room and moved to the sofa.

“Hey Quinn- looking good” Max stated, glad to see his friend had made progress.

“So what do we have?” 

“We have a full suite set up” Virgil told him with a grin, he had missed working with the black ops agent and after everything he knew he had been through he was glad to see him sat there in front of him. 

“Great- lead the way” Quinn stated as he got to his feet, barely disguising the groan as he did so and a slight sway as he stood to his full height that was by no way missed by the other men. 

“You guys show Peter the space- I’ll go and order us some lunch” Saul stated, not missing the state of the boy. Max nodded, he was no fool- he had noticed his friend’s weakness, and he didn’t like it.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“This is good” Quinn complimented as he sat down at the desk and flipped open a lap top. He wanted to watch the videos of the interviews, he had to know what had been said and how it had been said. He looked up as a sandwich and a drink appeared before him.

“Eat” Saul commanded as he headed around the table, refusing to speak any more until Quinn picked up the food and took a bite. “Carrie know you are back?” he asked as he ate his own lunch. Quinn sighed at the question.

“She isn’t my keeper Saul” Quinn replied tersely, he was tired and his head ached- it was making him grumpy. 

“No, but she is your friend Peter- and she cares deeply about you” he replied, and didn’t miss the sigh and the pain lines around the other man’s eyes. He realised it was time to move on so pushed no further. “Eat- and then we’ll talk” he stated, getting the feeling that this must be what being a parent was like. When he was satisfied that he had eaten enough he handed him a file. “Read through that and then call it a day” he instructed, not missing the face that Quinn pulled at the comment. Saul smiled to himself, knowing that this wasn’t easy on Quinn being forced to sit back and take things so easy. He clapped the man on the shoulder and headed out of the room with a nod to the two brothers to keep an eye on him. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Two hours later and Max looked at his friend in worry, seeing the pinched face and the way his head was resting in his hands. Max made his way over and quietly placed a glass of water in front of him and tapped out two of his pain pills.

“Thanks” Quinn acknowledged, his head pounding. 

“Let me know when it settles down and I’ll give you a ride home” Max stated, no question to his voice. Quinn simply nodded- too tired to argue. A few minutes later he got to his feet and slung his bag across his shoulders.

“Thanks” he stated softly, his voice conveying his exhaustion. Max got to his feet and followed the operative out, the two men walking slowly and silently to the car park. Max pulled open the door and Quinn slumped in- barely able to stay upright as the day caught up with him.

“Too much too soon Quinn” Max warned as he started the engine.

“I’m fine Max” Quinn argued, not moving. Max scoffed out loud at the comment.

“Sure you are” Max muttered. “What address?” he asked realising that he didn’t even know where Quinn was currently staying. Quinn reeled off the address and shortly afterwards they were there. Without comment Max was out of the car and following Quinn into the apartment, unsurprised to find it so barren. 

“Beer?” Quinn offered, when it was obvious that Max wasn’t planning on leaving him. Max nodded and accepted the bottle gratefully.

“I’ll order a pizza” he commented pulling out his cell and making a call. Quinn sat on the sofa and flicked the TV on settling on a football game he settled back and sipped from his beer. Max sat down beside him. “You planning on letting Carrie know that you’re ok?” he asked and Quinn groaned. 

“I’ll call her tomorrow” he replied softly. 

“She cares about you”

“Yeah well maybe she shouldn’t” Quinn retorted before he could stop himself. 

“Why? Everyone is allowed someone to care for them Peter” Max argued as he drank his own beer.

“We both know its never going to make either of us happy” Quinn replied. “I am not designed for the life she deserves” he added without looking up. Max was speechless. Beside him was a brave, kind and loving man. A man that would fight for anyone he loved and anything he believed in. He was willing to risk his life to save someone else or just to do what he thought was right, and here he was honestly believing that he didn’t deserve to be happy.

“Maybe all she deserves is to choose who she wants to be with” Max stated gently, getting to his feet as the doorbell ringing told them that the pizza had arrived. Quinn thought of those words and drank the rest of his beer, He knew he shouldn’t have run, shouldn’t have just left when Carrie had shown him such care, but he couldn’t help it. He had been suffocating and unable to think- he needed to move, needed the space. She deserved better though- he knew that, he had left partially to protect, but now he realised he had probably hurt her all over again. He groaned and got to his feet hobbling over to the fridge to get two more beers and to grab his cell. He sat back down and held the phone, holding it to his forehead whilst he thought. He tapped out a text and only looked up as Max walked back over with the food and sat down.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Carrie looked up from the book she was reading as her phone pinged. She looked in confusion at the unknown number and opened the text.

“Sorry- I am an asshole Q”

She grinned as she read the message. 

“Yes Quinn you are” she whispered, as she went back to reading her book- but this time she actually managed to read the words.

End Chapter Twenty Five


	26. Like a Liar Looking for Forgiveness from a Stone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all had an amazing Christmas and happy new year!!!

Chapter Twenty Six

A week passed in much the same way- Quinn worked hard at therapy- refusing to give in to the weakness of his body. He worked a few hours a day at Langley and then returned to his apartment to catch up on sleep, sometimes Max went with him and sometimes he just had the peace and quiet. He could feel that he was getting stronger, and he was managing to stay awake for longer each day as he had something to focus on, and a target to work towards. He was still more tired than he thought he should be- but he was trying to be patient. He sighed as he left the hospital- the crutches gone and his leg finally bearing some weight. He knew he was limping, he was in fact overly conscious of it, but he was moving and it was progress. He hailed a cab and headed into work, only stopping for a coffee on the way.

“Morning Max” he greeted as he stepped into the office and moved towards the screens in front of him.

“Hey Quinn” Max acknowledged surprised at how chipper the operative was. He was further taken aback when Quinn handed him a drink. “Thanks” he stated. 

“Any change?” Quinn asked as he sat down carefully. 

“Nope- Dar is apparently calling a briefing tomorrow morning” Max responded sipping at his coffee. “You know Carrie is back from leave today don’t you?” he asked. Quinn sighed as he drank from his own drink before answering. 

“Dar isn’t authorising for her to be read in” he finally stated.

“Ha like that ever stopped Carrie” Max scoffed at the naivety of the statement.

“Yeah- but it will this time” Quinn stated, dragging himself to his feet and moving across to the monitors- hoping there would be a development soon. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Carrie stepped through security at Langley and headed straight to her own office. She was well aware that Quinn was undoubtedly in the same building, but she also knew not to push him. He had sent her a few texts, so she knew he was safe and healing. Max had given her some updates too- not enough to breach Quinn’s trust, but enough that she was reassured that he was eating and sleeping. She would be more reassured if she could actually see him with her own eyes, but she knew not to push. Whatever was going on in his head he needed to work through in his own time, and pushing him would get her nowhere, she knew that now. 

She put her bag on her desk and headed straight to see Saul- she knew he had been overseeing something big while she had been on leave, she needed to get updated, she knocked lightly on the door and stepped in- bumping straight into Peter Quinn. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Quinn sat down opposite Saul and rubbed his hands over his face, suddenly exhausted. 

“Peter- don’t you think you are pushing yourself a little but hard?” Saul warned him as he took in the appearance of the man he had become so fond of as the years had gone by. To say he had started off with no trust for the black ops specialist- he was now one of only a couple of people that he could genuinely say he trusted. 

“I’m fine Saul” Quinn replied, his voice carrying a slight edge of warning. Saul sighed, knowing when he was going to get nowhere. “We need to start stepping this up” Peter stated. “Let me task Max and Virgil with some more digging?” he asked his hands tapping on the arm of the chair. 

“What sort of digging?” Saul asked, his interest piqued.

“Just some data work on some sources I have gathered” Quinn replied vaguely. Saul sighed, this was where the black ops world frustrated him so much- the secrecy was beyond even his. 

“Fine- but nothing over the line and nothing that can come back to bite you…… or me for that matter” Saul warned. Quinn grinned in response. 

“Understood” he replied as he got to his feet and moved to the door, just as there was a knock and it swung open to reveal Carrie stepping through it. He managed to control his features in the nick of time. Saul almost chuckled as he saw the younger man straighten his shoulders and adjust his weight to disguise the issues he was clearly still having with his damaged leg. 

“Hey Carrie- welcome back” Saul greeted in and attempt to diffuse some of the obvious tension.

“Hey sorry, am I interrupting?” she asked looking between the two men.

“No not at all- I was just leaving anyway” Quinn stated, he smiled softly. “Good to see you Carrie” he added before heading out of the room, attempting not to limp and failing. 

“How’s he doing?” Carrie asked when he was far enough away that she was certain he wouldn’t hear her. 

“Pushing too hard, doing too much- but I am keeping him in line and Max is looking out for him too” Saul reassured her. 

“Please tell me he isn’t heading back into the field?” she asked as she sat down. 

“No, not yet at least- but my money would be on him pushing for that soon. I can already tell he is getting itchy feet” Saul stated, verbalising his own concerns. 

“And is there a deployment looming?” she asked. 

“Not imminently, but I think if his plans pan out the team will be travelling back out in a few weeks” the senior agent commented as he leaned back.

“There’s no way he’ll be fit for the field by then Saul” Carrie warned, worried about the man that she cared so deeply for. 

“He will need to be cleared by the agency doctor- and their assessments are no fun. But you know Peter- he will push himself to the brink to make sure he can go” Saul warned her. “And you know what happens if you try to stand in his way”

“That does not make me feel any better Saul” Carrie stated. “Can I get read in on what he is working on?” she asked.

“I am afraid not Carrie- Dar is leading on it and you are not on the list. Think he is worried it will end badly you two working together” he told her.

“yeah and he’s probably right” she agreed reluctantly. “I just don’t know how to get through to him” she commented.

“Why don’t you take them some lunch? You can catch up with Max then as well” he told her. She grinned in response, not the ideal solution but better than nothing.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Quinn scratched the back of his head as he spoke quietly into the phone. He was pacing and he knew it, but he needed to get this approach right if they were going to be able to act quickly.

Max watched him as he walked back and forth, amused but also pleased to see the other man so clearly focussed on healing even if it was for the wrong reasons as far as he was concerned. He had an awful feeling in the pit of his stomach that before the month was out Quinn would be back dressed in black and on his way back to Syria or some other pit of despair- and he would be there willingly, doing what he thought was right and what he was born to do. He worried about his friend- if he would ever be capable of stepping away from the only life he had ever known, would he ever allow himself to be safe and live a ‘normal’ life? Max was almost certain he already knew the answer. He looked down as his phone flashed and he opened the text that had appeared, shaking his head at Carrie’s persistence. He typed a quick response and sat back waiting for Quinn to finish on the phone. 

“Hey- Carrie has brought some lunch in and asked us to go up to the conference room” Max told the other man hesitantly, caught by surprise when Quinn simply nodded. 

“Sure- I just need to make another call” Quinn responded, barely looking up from the computer screen. “I just need to step out- I’ll see you up there” he replied, heading slowly out of the room and leaving a confused Max behind him. 

Max watched as he left, half doubting that the other man would in fact make it to lunch, but he had to take him at his word, so he put his phone in his pocket and headed out of the ops room, closing the door behind him

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Carrie looked up as the door opened, confused to see Max by himself.

“Quinn is just making a quick call” he told her with a shrug of his shoulders and she nodded, not totally convinced that the other man would even appear- but her doubts were cast aside as the man himself stepped through the door.

“Sorry- it was an important call” he stated as he headed in and poured himself a coffee. Carrie grinned at the familiar action and took a moment to assess the appearance of the man that meant so much to her. He was still way too skinny, and his skin was still pale- but his eyes carried more life and he was up and on his feet. She was proud of the progress he had made, he had to have worked hard to get himself this far, and that took grit. She knew she shouldn’t have been surprised given how stubborn he always was. 

“No worries- I got your usual” she told him handing him the sandwich she had chosen and he smiled.

“Thanks Carrie” he commented as he accepted it and sat down- unwrapping the food and taking a bite. “You good?” he asked her.

“Yeah, good break but its good to be back” she replied as she bite into her own food. 

“You working anything interesting?” Max asked her as he bit into his own lunch. 

“No- just catching up on the usual build up from being off work” she told him with a roll of the eyes, and Quinn laughed at her.

“You doing anything tonight?” he asked her, finally making eye contact and she felt her breath catch in her throat as she looked into his beautiful blue eyes.

“No- just the usual” she replied. “Why do you need something?” she asked in confusion.

“Well Max is great company for takeaways- but I thought you might feel like dinner with me?” he offered with a slight grin.

“Well a microwave meal in my PJs is stiff competition- but I suppose just to help you out. That would be nice Quinn” she stated with a soft smile.

“Great- I’ll pick you up at seven” Quinn told her getting to his feet and scrunching up what was left of his sandwich and throwing it in the bin, but taking his coffee with him. “Thanks for lunch” he commented as he headed out of the door.

“Well that was unexpected” Max stated as soon as the other man was out of ear shot and Carrie couldn’t help but agree.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Quinn smiled as he finished off the last steps of his plan. If this worked out they would be ready to strike within the next two weeks, he needed to be ready. He placed his laptop in his bag and slung it over his shoulder whilst grabbing his coffee cup with the other.

“Don’t stay too late Max” he warned as he headed out.

“Have a nice dinner” Max commented with a grin. Quinn kept walking, he needed to hit the gym for an hour before he want home, and he needed to update Rob. He smiled to himself, at least things were falling into place, and dinner with Carrie should prove interesting.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“So Peter has asked you out to dinner? In person and of his own free will?” Maggie asked in surprise.

“Yep- he is even picking me up” Carrie replied as she brushed through her newly straightened hair. 

“Wow- has he had another head injury?” her sister asked with a grin. 

“Funny Maggie, real funny” she responded with an eye roll, but she couldn’t help but agree that it was out of left field. 

“Did he say where he was taking you?” she asked, sensing her sister’s nerves.

“I have no idea” Carrie responded with a groan. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Quinn finished tying the knot on his tie and headed out. He had managed to make a last minute reservation and was actually looking forward to a nice evening with Carrie. He set off right on time and pulled onto the drive at Maggie’s. He adjusted his jacket and headed to the front door knocking politely. 

Maggie opened the door and smiled when she saw the man stood in the porch.

“My Peter- you look far better than the last time that I saw you” Maggie greeted him with a smile, pleased to see him looking so well- relatively anyway.

“Thanks Maggie- I got these for you” he told her handing her a beautiful bouquet of flowers. “Thanks for putting up with me when I stayed” he told her shyly. Maggie gasped in surprise. 

“Oh Peter they are beautiful, thank you” she told him, taken aback by the gesture. He smiled, glad that she liked them.

“I appreciate the care that you showed, you didn’t have to do that, but it means a lot” he told her softly. He meant it- he knew he wasn’t very good at expressing himself when it mattered, but he needed Maggie to know he appreciated it. Maggie smiled, lost for words as the sweet man in front of her practically blushed. 

“Hey” Carrie greeted as she stepped towards the door, smiling as she took in his appearance. 

“You look beautiful” he told her, bending forward and kissing her gently on the cheek. 

“Thank you- you look pretty hot too” she replied before she could stop herself. Quinn snorted at the comment before leading her to his car and opening her door. 

“Where are we going?” she asked as he set off. 

“I booked us a table at Agora- is that ok?” he asked her as he drove.

“Wow Greek? it’s meant to be amazing there” she replied, impressed with his choice. He nodded glad she approved and most of the rest of the journey passed in silence. 

As soon as they arrived he used the valet parking and they headed into the restaurant, his hand resting in the small of Carrie’s back- a comforting gesture that she found so natural it was bizarre. They sat down in a quiet corner of the restaurant and Quinn took a good look at Carrie.

“We should have done this sooner” he told her as he sipped at his glass of wine. She smiled in response, he was right they should have and then maybe they would have never got in the mess they were currently in.

“Why did you ask me tonight?” she queried, drinking her own wine.

“I don’t know- I guess I just realised we were wasting time and for no reason” he told her. She was shocked by his statement, he was right, but she had never expected him to say it.

“So what happens now?” she asked him, her eyes locked on his.

“We have a nice dinner out, a kiss goodnight and then we see what happens. That’s what normal people do isn’t it?” he stated with a grin.

“Well what is normal?” she asked with a laugh. 

“It’s whatever we make it” he replied, and his face was soft, but serious and she had never loved him more. 

End Chapter Twenty Six


	27. When it's Time to Live and Let Die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .

Chapter Twenty Seven

Carrie smiled as she watched Quinn drive away, the evening had been amazing. They had laughed, they had talked and for the first time since she can remember she felt completely and utterly relaxed. He had been a complete gentleman and hadn’t merely kissed her on the cheek after he had walked her to the door.

They hadn’t discussed what happened tomorrow, or the day after- she had no idea if there even would be a tomorrow for their fledgling relationship- but for now she was happy. 

“Good evening?” Maggie asked as her sister stepped into the lounge.

“Perfect” Carrie replied, as she kept walking straight back to her room. She needed to process the evening. She laid down on her bed and smiled to herself as she remembered the feel of Quinn’s hand on her back and the shudder that ran through her at the warmth in his eyes. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Quinn smiled as he parked the car and headed into his apartment. He had the perfect evening, him and Carrie just fit together so naturally that there was no forced conversation and no awkward silences- it was all just natural. He sighed as he sat down on the sofa- he didn’t know why he had asked her out, it had just happened. More importantly he had no idea what was going to happen next. He knew deep down inside that he wanted Carrie in his life- he knew that he wanted to hold her, be close to her and have her beside him, but he also knew that he couldn’t step away from the only life he had ever known. 

He popped open a bottle of beer and rested his head back as he thought of what the hell to do. He had got himself in this mess by following his heart, he just needed to work out what to do. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Quinn was at work bright and early the next day- therapy completed at the crack of dawn so he was free to get his work done. He checked the clip in his side arm as he finished his coffee.

“Expecting trouble?” Max asked as he noticed the action.

“Hopefully not- just meeting a contact” Quinn responded as he pulled his jacket on.

“I didn’t think you were cleared for field work” Max pointed out.

“It’s hardly field work Max- it’s meeting a contact” Quinn responded with a scoff. Max sighed, he knew it was rarely anything simple where Quinn was concerned. 

“So why the side arm?” Max challenged him and Quinn sighed, hesitating for a moment. 

“Look sometimes he can be a bit tricky that’s all”

“Let me come with you then?” Max asked. Quinn grinned, touched at the concern, but no way was he willing to place his friend in danger.

“Max- honestly its fine, its just a brief meeting and then I’ll be back” the black ops agent reassured him.

“I don’t like this Quinn” Max warned, and his voice held and edge that Quinn couldn’t recall hearing before. 

“Max- I will be back in two hours, trust me” Quinn assured him, his eyes locked onto those of his friend. Max sighed.

“Two hours- if you aren’t back in two hours and one minute I am going straight to Saul” Max threatened him, and it was clear that he meant it. Quinn nodded, lacking the patience to argue any further. Max watched him leave, and couldn’t help a feeling of dread that suddenly came over him. He turned back to the screen, he had tasks of his own to concentrate on. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“You haven’t called me for an age and then you appear wanting my help” the man hissed at Quinn as they leaned against a wall either side of the alley.

“I have been overseas” Quinn responded with a shrug.

“And now all of a sudden you need me? You still owe me from last time- that cost me big” the shadow replied inhaling on his cigarette. 

“You were paid for that work Mike” Quinn stated warningly. “You were paid handsomely, now stop wasting my time” he added as he straightened up.

“Fine, but my boss ain’t gonna be happy about me working for you again” Mike stated.

“Then its quite simple isn’t it Mike” Quinn commented stepping forward. “It will be our little secret” he added as he turned and walked away. “I will look forward to hearing from you” he stated over his shoulder as he kept walking. Working hard to disguise his limp until he was out of sight. He sighed as he got back to his car a block away, his job was done, he had put all the pieces in place he now just needed to wait for them to all come together. He started the engine and pulled out, heading back to the office before Max reported him missing. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Max looked up quickly as the door swung open, and he couldn’t help the sigh of relief as Quinn stepped through it. Quinn raised an eyebrow at the obvious reaction from the other man.

“Did you seriously expect me to not make it back?’ Quinn asked with a grin.

“It wouldn’t be the first time Quinn” Max responded sadly. Quinn sighed and sat down- this was so alien to him, people actually caring about him. Being worried and wondering if he was all right, he genuinely didn’t even know how to handle it.

“I’m fine now Max” Quinn commented softly. “Another week or so and I’ll be clear to do my day job” he added, knowing that Max would fully understand what he meant. Max winced at the comment, he had known all along that the other man would undoubtedly be going back into the field, he hated the idea but he knew it was inevitable. 

“Do you know where to?” Max asked him.

“That’s what I am working on Max” Quinn responded, his concentration on the screen in front of him. 

“And what about Carrie?” Max queried, worried for both of his friends. 

“Now that is the question Max” Quinn sighed, having no words to answer that particular question. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Three days had gone passed, and although she had seen him in passing and received a couple of text messages Carrie was yet to hear from Quinn for any amount of time. She had heard in passing that he had his medical in a mere two days- and that would dictate what happened from here.

She knew him more than anyone, and she knew he was stubborn enough to pass his medical despite how badly injured he had been. What would happen from there she had no idea, but she had a feeling of dread that he would be a on flight somewhere. She couldn’t let it happen again like last time- couldn’t have him flying out to danger not knowing how she felt about him. She pulled out her phone, this had gone on long enough, she dialled his number and was surprised when he answered within a couple of rings.

“Hey” he greeted her, his voice warm and soft.

“Hi- how are you?” she asked.

“I’m fine I was going to call you later, you free tonight?” he asked her cutting straight to the chase.

“Yeah, I guess so- what are you thinking?”

“Somewhere quiet for some dinner- somewhere we can talk” he told her seriously. Carrie almost gasped, he never voluntarily talked about feelings or plans. 

“Why don’t you come over to Maggie’s? Frannie will be in bed” Carrie invited him carefully. “I’ll cook- or we can order in” she suggested and he laughed.

“Ordering in sounds good” he replied gently, not quite ready to get food poisoning just yet. 

“Great- see you at seven?” she asked.

“See you then” he replied before disconnecting the call. Carrie put her phone down in surprise. She had not expected that- but she was relieved. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Quinn knocked on the door at exactly seven, dressed in cargos and a loose jumper he was glad to see Carrie dressed equally casually. 

“Come in” she greeted as she pushed the door fully open, blushing as he delivered a gentle kiss to her cheek. He was standing straight and looking much better. He had a bit of colour back and although he was still limping, it wasn’t as noticeable as it had been. 

The two agents sat on the sofa with a glass of wine, and for the first time in a long time it was awkward between them- neither knowing quite where to start.

“Look Carrie- I have my medical at the end of the week” Quinn told her, knowing that she would know what he was getting at.

“Will you pass it?” she asked him, having no idea the extent of the damage that remained and knowing how hard the black ops medical exam and physical were to pass. 

“I damn well better” he told her and his eyes flashed with fire. 

“What happens then Quinn?” Carrie asked, she was certain she knew the answer but she needed to hear him say it. 

“Then I finish the mission” he told her, his voice deadly as his mind flashed with everything he had been through and what they had achieved so far- there was no way he would be walking away from him. 

“Back to Syria?” she asked him sadly.

“Maybe, maybe elsewhere- we are still planning it” he told her. 

“But why?” she asked him as she leaned back slightly, building a bit of space between them.

“What do you mean why? You know why we do it Carrie- I kill bad guys- it’s what I am here to do” he told her.

“No Quinn- that isn’t what you are here to do, and do you even know why you are doing it? What all this fighting is for?” she queried, challenging him and knowing that she would be pushing his buttons, but she needed to know, had to know where they were heading. 

“You know there is a darkness to me Carrie- you know I am already a lost cause you said it yourself. I have to do the things that others can’t Carrie, have to make sure we get them all”

“We will never get them all Quinn” she told him gently, knowing that this was a hint of his PTSD showing itself in his statements.

“Then I will die trying” he stated, rubbing his hands over his face. The words cause a small part of her heart to break away and die as he spoke the truth. 

“And where does that leave us Quinn?” Carrie asked him, knowing there and then that no matter what happened Quinn would never leave the agency, it wasn’t in his make up to do so and there was nothing that would ever convince him otherwise.

“That is a question that only you can answer Carrie” he told her, his eyes sad as they finally locked on hers. She looked at him and saw every inch of his soul laid bare for her, his eyes were filled with such pain and hurt that she found herself feeling it herself deep within her heart. 

“I love you Quinn” she stated, and those words were all he had ever wanted to hear. He reached out his hand cupping the back of her head and pulling her gently towards him where his lips met hers in a tender kiss. The two were lost in each others embrace as they finally let themselves display their feelings. “I don’t want to lose you Quinn” she whispered as their foreheads rested against each other. 

“You will never lose me Carrie- I am like a bad penny” he told her with a smile and she laughed at the comment. 

“You are a good man Peter Quinn” she told him, words that she knew he would never fully believe but she truly did. She kissed him again, hoping to convince him with her actions as well as her words. He smiled, why Carrie thought that of him he would never know- but there was something about her that just made him happy. He pulled her close and held her in his arms, breathing in the scent of her hair as the two sat lost in their thoughts.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“So are you two a couple now?” Maggie asked her sister over breakfast the next morning.

“I think so” Carrie answered cautiously as she chewed on her toast. Maggie snorted at the comment.

“You two are impossible. You have admitted you love each other, say you want to be together- so why do you only think so?” the doctor asked in amusement.

“Because he says he loves me, says he wants to be with me- but he is still determined to get himself killed in some pit of hell such as Syria” Carrie stated, Maggie shook her head in shock.

“You mean he is going back out there?”

“Yep- probably before the month is out” Carrie responded as she took a sip of her coffee.

“He is nowhere near fit enough” Maggie stated, she hadn’t missed the limp and the stiff way he held himself when his medication was starting to wear off. 

“I know that- but he is a stubborn idiot when he comes to things like his own health. He says it is what he is born to do- and it is all that he has ever done. I don’t think he will ever walk away from the agency Maggie” Carrie stated, verbalising what she had been thinking. 

“So where does that leave you guys? Can you wait at home while he deploys? Would that be enough for you?” 

“I have no idea- but I do know that when he isn’t here I am worried and can’t stop wondering where he is” Carrie admitted.

“You need to decide if you can be the one waiting at home for news- and only accepting that he may not come back the same person as he was when he left” Maggie commented gently. Carrie sighed, she couldn’t imagine life without Quinn in it- and she knew that whether they were together or not him being deployed overseas would still cause her worry, but was it truly the grounds of a stable relationship. She groaned as she thought it through and got no further forward.

“It’s his medical tomorrow so we will soon see if it’s even a possibility of him going back” she stated as she got to her feet ready for work.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Quinn winced as he leaned against the bench. His six mile run may have been a step too far as he felt a wave of dizziness come over him and his head was starting to pound. He sat down and attempted to control his breathing hoping that it would allow him to regain control of the rest of his body. He needed to sort this out, he couldn’t have this in his medical or there was no way he would be signed off back to his full duties. 

He leaned forward, and breathed deeply- he could feel his shakiness lifting and his head clearing, leaving just the headache behind. He placed his hand on his thigh and winced, his leg was still giving him issues- he knew he wasn’t damaging it any further but it was still frustrating how it was limiting his movements. 

He couldn’t miss this mission- it was too important, he had to finish it. He trusted his team implicitly but he just had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach that if they went without him something bad would happen. He couldn’t risk it. 

He got to his feet and groaned as it sent a lightening bolt through his head and began the walk back to his apartment for a shower before work. He needed to pull himself together before his medical the next day. 

 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“Morning” Max greeted Quinn as he stepped through the door into their little ops room.

“Morning” Quinn replied quietly, and Max looked at him properly not happy with what he saw. The other man’s limp was markedly worse that the previous day and he looked pale. 

“You ok Quinn?” Max asked in concern.

“I’m fine” Quinn replied, his tone making it clear that it was the end of the conversation. Max sighed, knowing that would be the response if the other man’s head was physically hanging off. 

“All set for tomorrow?” Max asked changing the subject.

“Of course- piece of cake” Quinn responded, not looking up from his screen.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“Will he be fit enough to pass?” Dar asked Rob in concern.

“Knowing Peter he will be stubborn enough to pass whether he is fit enough or not” the team leader responded. 

“Will he make the cut for the team?”

“I would rather have a Peter Quinn running at 75% than most of the new guys at 100%” Rob stated, and he meant every word. He knew that Quinn was still far from being all right- he had seen it in his eyes, but he also knew that the other man would do what needed to be done to get the job finished, plus a small part of him really wanted to keep the other man in his sights, back to normal- or as normal as it got in their lives anyway. 

“Ok- I will see what the doctor says tomorrow” Dar agreed with a sigh. He wasn’t fully happy with the situation- Peter was important to him, and one of the best operatives he had ever known. He was torn. He needed a man with the skill set of Peter on this mission- but he also valued him too luck to risk sending him to his death with no way of fighting his way out. They had less than two weeks- and he wasn’t convinced it would be long enough to get Quinn where he needed to be. 

“I will see you after his medical” Rob confirmed, getting to his feet and heading out to see the subject of their conversation. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“Hey douche bag” Rob greeted his friend as he swiped his card to get through to the ops room.

“Hey man” Quinn greeted with a genuine grin as he got to his feet.

“You are looking far more alive” Rob told him with a smile as the two exchanged a brief hug. The team leader looked closely at his friend- he still needed a haircut and he was too scrawny but he looked like the man that he knew. “So medical tomorrow?” he asked and Quinn nodded, his eyes suddenly flicking down towards the floor. “You got time for a coffee?” he asked- sensing that Quinn was maybe more worried about the following day than he was letting on. 

“Yeah sure- but you are buying” he warned him. He grabbed his jacket and the two men headed out. Max grinned, glad that he wasn’t the only one looking out for the man that so very clearly needed friends around him. 

The two men walked slowly out of the building- Rob didn’t miss the slight limp from the other man, and the pain lines around his eyes. They walked in silence and headed straight to the coffee shop just around the corner. 

“So- you think you will pass?” Rob asked his friend when they were sat down. 

“I have to pass” Quinn replied with a shrug. 

“No you have to be fit- Quinn you have nothing to prove” Rob added quietly. 

“I know that Rob- why would I have anything to prove?” Quinn asked in confusion. 

“Why the rush to get back then?” Rob asked.

“There’s no rush Rob- I just need to finish what we started, see it through. Don’t you want me on the team?” Quinn asked, genuinely confused why the other man didn’t seem keen for him to be back with them. 

“Of course! You know you are my go to man with everything, my 2 I C- but I just want you to be fit and not put yourself at risk man” Rob assured him carefully. 

“I’m fine Rob- I will pass tomorrow and be right back with you guys” he assured him, his voice carrying conviction that he wasn’t fully sure he really felt. 

“Well good lucky- but don’t kill yourself doing it” Rob warned gently, squeezing his friend’s thigh and getting to his feet and heading out. Quinn sighed and finished his drink before getting up and heading back to the office. The walk taking longer than it should as his leg ached with every step. 

End Chapter Twenty Seven


	28. You Can't Get Another Try

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only a couple more chapters to go now so please bear with me!!
> 
> Thank you for your lovely reviews so far they mean a lot!

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Quinn looked at himself in the mirror as he cleaned his teeth. Today was the day of reckoning, the day that would dictate whether he was to rejoin group of not. He needed this, he wanted this- this was who he was and who he was meant to be and had no idea what he would do if he wasn’t good enough to make it back. He pulled on his track pants and gym t-shirt, knowing exactly how the tests started. He took one last look at his apartment, grabbed his bag and headed out. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Max glanced at his watch and sighed- he was pretty sure that Quinn would have just started his medical about now- he had no idea what the physical test was for special ops- but he was almost certain it wouldn’t be a pleasant day for his friend. He had no idea whether he wanted him to pass or not.

If he passed he would be on a deployment within the next few weeks and coming back in god knows what state- if at all. If he failed would he get another chance? And if he didn’t would he stay with the agency? Either way Max faced the very real risk of losing his friend. He pinched the bridge of his nose, suddenly feeling very tired. he glanced again at his watch, well another few hours and he would know what was happening.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“I have a feeling he will pass” Saul stated to Carrie as they both sat clock watching in his office.

“And then what?” Carrie asked with a sigh. 

“You already know the answer to that Carrie” Saul commented with a small sad smile, knowing as well as she did that Quinn would be back on group at the drop of a hat and everything would go back to exactly how it had been ever since they had known him. “He’s a soldier Carrie- he always has been and I am pretty sure that he always will be” Saul told her gently. “Whether he passes or not, there is that chip in his brain that will always gravitate towards all of this” 

“You mean to the darkness?” she asked, her voice cracking lightly. Saul sighed there was no sugar coating it, that was exactly what did happen- something would happen in the World and the US response was to leap to action, and that invariably affected the CIA. Given Quinn’s true role within the agency this usually meant the specialist agent was deployed into an area of danger. 

“Don’t we all lurk on the edge anyway?” Saul asked carefully.

“Maybe- but Quinn is the one that leaps feet first into it” she stated with a smile. She knew she could never change who he was- she just had to work out if they could make it together.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Quinn switched off as he ran, his mind far away in a desert, his feet moving because that was what he needed to do to survive. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, and his head vibrated with every step. He ignored the dizziness, ploughed through the tightness in his chest and kept going. The mask covering his face and measuring his breathing covered the sounds of his breath as he ran through, barely registering the distance on the treadmill or the pace he was forcing his body to hit. 

“Mr Quinn- I said you can stop now!” the doctor yelled, struggling to be heard. Something must have registered in Quinn’s mind as he finally realised that the test was complete and slowed down his movement. He reined his breathing in, fiercely determined to not be seen gasping for breath he bent at the waist and steadied himself. Ignoring the nausea and the mild dizziness from the exhaustion he followed the medical man through to the next room and sat down where it was gestured. 

“Thanks” he stated as he was handed a glass of water and carefully took a sip.

“The physical exam is nearly complete Peter- just the strength and agility stage to go and then you can shower and change before the medical exam. Do you have any questions so far?” the doctor asked, and Peter shook his head. “Good, well whenever you are ready I will see you over at the bars” the man stated as he got to his feet. It saddened him to see the still recovering man push himself so hard to get himself through the tests that he had withdrawn deep into his own mind to hide his pain. 

Quinn sat with his elbows resting on his knees as he got his breathing calmed and steadied his heart rate. As soon as he was certain he could stand up without swaying he got to his feet and followed behind the other man. He just needed to get through the next few hours and then he could drag himself to bed and recover. 

He focussed on the end goal- he needed this signature to get him back to full duties- he had to be deployable. He looked at the bars in front of him and reached up- not even a flinch showing as it pulled on his tight chest and newly healed bicep. He pulled himself upwards, easing down and back up- following the rhythm of the doctor’s voice, and thinking of nothing else except pulling himself up and easing himself down, there was no reaction to pain- no release from his firm grip on that bar as he did what he always did- exactly what he needed to do. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Two hours later and Quinn was firmly of the opinion that the physical element had been the easy part of his day. The medical had been excruciating. The scans, the examinations and the questions had been relentless. He had surpassed exhaustion a long time ago and still had his psych exam to go- the one he always dreaded the most. 

It was bizarre to think that previously when he had done these assessments it was in an attempt to leave the agency- on this occasion he was desperate to pass and be able to rejoin his team.

He steadied his breathing and flexed his hands in an attempt to control the shaking- and headed into the room. He had no doubt that Dar would be sat on the other side of the screen, silently observing his protégé. He was determined not to let him down.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

It was after six and Carrie had still not received any reply from Quinn. He must have finished his assessment by now- it had been eight hours since he had been due to start. She had no idea what his lack of response meant- and Saul had received no update either. She sighed as she glanced at Frannie sat engrossed in kids TV. 

“Why don’t you just call him?” Maggie queried as she sat down beside her. 

“He hasn’t replied to my text Maggie- he obviously doesn’t want to talk” Carrie replied with a sigh.

“Go to his place then” Maggie told her nudging her gently.

“I don’t know where his place is” Carrie scoffed as she leaned back and tucked her hair behind her ear.

“You’re right- there is no way you can possibly find out so what’s the point in even trying. Sorry I suggested it when you clearly have no resources close to hand to try to find out” Maggie teased gently and Carrie couldn’t help but smile.

“I’ll do some digging and pay a visit after I have put her to bed” Carrie promised with a smile, typing out a text to Max as she spoke. Maggie smiled, glad that her sister wasn’t willing to walk away from the stubborn man that seemed to mean so much to both of them. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Quinn groaned as he heard the buzzer, he wasn’t totally sure he could move from the couch even if he wanted to. Every muscle in his body ache and he hadn’t moved from the sofa since he had got home from his gruelling day. 

“Quinn I know you are in there” Max hollered as he leaned on the buzzer- and the tired agent groaned again. He knew his friend wouldn’t leave him alone- with a grunt of exhaustion he dragged himself up to his feet- he carefully staggered across to the door, and leaning against the door frame managed to flick the latch open. Max stepped through the open door and practically caught his friend who was so far beyond the point of exhaustion he could hardly stand up. 

“Jesus Quinn” Max exclaimed as he dragged the taller man across to the sofa and eased him down on the sofa. “Where are your pain meds?” he asked, seeing the pain etched across the other man’s face. 

“I’m fine” Quinn stated through gritted teeth, his head pounding and his leg throbbing. 

“Like hell you are- where are the meds Quinn?” Max asked again more forcefully.

“On the counter” Quinn responded with a sigh, his head resting back and his eyes closed. He barely moved as Max handed him the pills and a bottle of water. 

“Come on- lets’ get you to bed” Max stated as he reached to pull Quinn to his feet- the fact that he didn’t argue proving that he felt horrendous. In minutes he was laid out on the bed, covers draped over him. Max drew the drapes and stepped out, pulling the door to. He moved back to the lounge and sat down on the sofa, pulling his phone from his pocket. He saw that Carrie had text him and he quickly text her a reply to update her that Quinn was safe and well- but sound asleep at home. 

He reached down and undid his own shoes toeing them off and swinging his legs up onto the sofa- he didn’t feel easy leaving Quinn alone that evening, he still had no idea whether Quinn had passed or failed his assessment- but either way he wanted his friend to know that he was there for him. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Carrie sighed as she read the text she had received.

“What is it?” Maggie asked in concern.

“Max- he is with Quinn, apparently he’s asleep in bed” Carrie told her with a sigh. 

“Is he ok?” Maggie asked, worried by this news.

“Max says so” Carrie responded with a shrug. “Not that he would tell me if he wasn’t” she added sadly.

“Did he pass?” the doctor asked.

“Max doesn’t know- which doesn’t bode well” Carrie warned, she tucked her hair behind her ear and reached for the wine bottle. If she wasn’t going out then she may as well have a drink.

 

End Chapter Twenty Eight


	29. Something Inside This Heart has Died

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your wonderful reviews so far- this is now the penultimate chapter in this mammoth story! I hope you aren't disappointed in the direction that my imagination has taken me- as I know some of you wanted Quinn to be out of the agency and living with Carrie whereas some hate the thought of a romance there. 
> 
> I had already decided how this story was going to go before I started writing it, and I have stayed true to it and tried not to be swayed so I hope you still enjoy it!
> 
> Any reviews appreciated!

Chapter Twenty Nine

Max woke up just after six, surprised to find that he had fallen asleep on Quinn’s sofa and not stirred all night. He sat upright and pushed his glasses on as he got to his feet to check on his friend. 

He was shocked to see Quinn still tucked up in bed, clearly also sleeping soundly. He grinned as he stepped back out of the room, glad to see that his friend was at least getting some much needed rest. He made himself a coffee and pulled out his phone, to type a quick text to Saul making sure he wouldn’t expect either of them any time soon. He wasn’t surprised when he got a reply almost straight away. He wandered into the kitchen and checked the cupboards- seeking some breakfast and not manging to find anything edible- what the hell did Quinn actually eat? 

“Why are you going through my cupboards?” a sleepy voice queried behind him, and he whirled around to see a very dishevelled Quinn stood behind him. 

“Looking for food Quinn” he replied simply, not acknowledging how much the other man had made him jump.

“There isn’t any” the taller man stated simply before turning around and heading towards a much needed shower. Max shook his head as he watched him walk away- he had been expecting a cutting remark about him still being there, and was surprised that none had come. He turned around as the subject of his thoughts reappeared behind him a few moments later- washed and dressed, looking pale but far better than the previous evening.

“Come on- you spent the night here least I can do is buy you breakfast” Quinn stated, not waiting for an answer as he headed out the door and Max followed wordlessly behind. The two men walked side by side to the diner on the corner of the street and sat in booth- Quinn had his back to the wall and his eyes looking towards the door.

They ordered their food and sat drinking coffee in silence, Max took in the appearance of his friend, and was relieved at how much better he truly looked. He watched as the food arrived and waited for Quinn to pick up his cutlery before he did the same.

“Seriously Max- you don’t have to watch me eat” he stated with a smile. He picked up a bit of toast and chewed on it. He realised what a good friend he had in the man in front of him- he just wasn’t capable of expressing it out loud. 

“Sorry” Max muttered as he speared a piece of egg on his fork and to his mouth. “So, did you pass?” he finally asked as he chewed. He focussed on the other man’s face as he stopped chewing his food and reached for his coffee before answering.

“I am seeing Dar this afternoon” he finally replied. 

“It looked tough Quinn” Max commented.

“Well it isn’t supposed to a walk in the park is it?” Quinn stated with a wry smile,

“No I guess not- but you were exhausted Quinn- really exhausted, so how can you go to Syria like that?” Max challenged him carefully.

“I’m fine Max- honestly I am always fine” Quinn told him, attempting to reassure him. He reached for his toast and continued eating- Max was grateful for that small mercy. If his friend had managed to pass the gruelling assessment he knew that he would never in a million years convince him to not deploy, all he could do was be there for him and make sure he looked after himself so he was as recovered as he could possibly be. Max turned his attention back to his own food- it was rare for him to have breakfast out so he was going to make the most of it. 

The two men ate well, before heading into the office, each looking much better. 

“Thanks Max” Quinn stated softly as they headed through security.

“Any time” Max muttered, glad that he had at least been a help to his friend. The two made their way to their Ops centre and took their usual seats. Quinn sighed as he realised he had an hour before he would discover his fate. He flipped open the laptop and set to work. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Carrie was getting annoyed now- she was not renowned for her patience or her tolerance when it came to being left out of the loop- and when it was Quinn involved it was even more frustrating for the agent. She had not heard a peep from him- or about him for that matter and it was driving her insane not knowing what was happening. She had text Max- who had also not replied to her, and Saul told her he didn’t know whether it was a pass or fail. She flung her bag onto her desk and turned her computer on. She had her own case work to do, if she could concentrate long enough of course. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Max looked up as Quinn got to his feet- it was time to find out and Max felt his stomach roll at the thought.

“Good luck” he stated, and Quinn nodded in response. He moved slowly through the building, the last remnants of the previous days’ exhaustion still making themselves known despite his long sleep. He found himself outside Dar’s office in no time and knocked lightly on the door. He stepped through the door, and found himself uncharacteristically nervous as he sat down opposite the man he had worked for his entire life. He was surprised as he was handed a donut and a coffee as Dar continued his lifelong mission of fattening Peter up. 

“So?” Peter asked, needing to know what was happening. 

“How do you think it went?” Dar asked cryptically.  
“Dar- just cut the crap and tell me if I passed or not” Quinn demanded softly,

“You passed Peter- by a hair’s breadth but you passed” Dar told him, and he wasn’t sure if he was happy about it or not. “The doctor did say that you should return gradually so don’t be packing your sniper kit just yet” he warned him as he sat back. Quinn grinned, a rare appearance for the younger man and he rubbed his hands over his face relived beyond measure that he was still good for something. 

“Thank god” he muttered. 

“Now you are sure this is what you actually want?” Dar asked him- the older man was no fool and he was well aware of the wobbles that Quinn had previously had- it was his morality that he struggled with- black ops walked a fine line and sometimes he lost sight of the ultimate aim. He was still the best operative he had ever known. 

“It’s the only thing I ever want Dar” Quinn replied simply finally taking a sip from his coffee.

“Well I am not foolish enough to think that you are mission ready Peter” Dar warned him, and raised his hand before Quinn could interrupt. “But we do have an intelligence gathering mission- two man job linked to the main target” he added, and Quinn sat forward suddenly interested.

“Where?” he asked.

“Damascus. We need more planning to get the full team in” Dar stated, knowing hat Quinn’s interest was piqued. 

“When do we leave?” he asked with a fire in his eyes that Dar hadn’t seen for some time.

“Friday” he replied with a grin, knowing that his boy was the right one for the job. Quinn nodded, he had a week- a whole week to tie everything up and be ready to go.

“Who’s the second man?” he asked after a few minutes.

“Your choice- any one from your team” Dar stated, being fairly certain who the other man would choose.

“Fine- and until then?” 

“Plan the mission- get fitter, tie up loose ends- same as every mission” Dar instructed. “Briefing here 1500hrs Wednesday” he finished. Quinn nodded, getting to his feet and heading out- Dar attempting to not notice the limp as he did so. 

Quinn waited until he got down the corridor before he leaned against the wall and exhaled, his shoulder drooping as all of the pressure and stress of the last several months finally starting to lift from him. He could finally go back to being who he was- and get the job done. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

 

Carrie looked up as a shadow was cast across her desk- surprised to see Quinn stood in front of her- despite how cross with him she was a smile escaped her. He sat down on the chair beside her desk, and she noticed how very tired he looked.

“Hey you” she greeted him warmly.

“Hey” he responded with a smile. “Sorry I didn’t reply to your texts- I kinda crashed” he told her honestly.

“It’s ok Quinn- but are you going to put me out of my misery now? Did you pass?” she asked, and held her breath as she awaited the answer.

“I passed” he told her- knowing she would have very mixed feelings about that reply. She sighed, really not sure how to respond. “Hey its ok- I don’t expect you to be doing cartwheels Carrie” he told her gently. “You fancy a couple of drinks tonight to celebrate- commiserate whichever way you want to look at it?” 

“Let me text Maggie- but sure it sounds good. Have you told Max yet?” she responded as she leaned back.

“No- somehow I think telling him will be harder than telling you” he replied with a grin. 

“Do you have a mission?” she asked, almost dreading the answer. He nodded, not trusting himself to speak. “When do you go?” she asked, wondering if the planned drinks were a goodbye.

“Not for another week” he told her as he squeezed her hand gently. She nodded, trying not to cry as she thought of him going overseas again. 

“Where?” she asked.

“Carrie you know I can’t say” he told her gently. “Listen- I’ll pick you up at seven, let me know if Maggie can’t watch Frannie” he told her getting to his feet and heading away. The minute he left Saul appeared beside her.

“He passed then?” he stated and she nodded. He sighed as he sat down. “He’s survived this long Carrie” he told her.

“Was that supposed to be a consolation?” she asked him with a roll of her eyes. “I know what he does for a living Saul- I know that he thinks its all that he can do- but I don’t want him running headlong into another warzone and getting killed for no reason” she stated, fully aware that she was ranting. 

“But to him there is a reason- he is serving the agency, serving the country and protecting people that he feels need him to” Saul stated. “He thinks his perceived darkness means he is duty bound to protect others from it- you can’t change who he is Carrie” Saul warns gently. She sighed and after absorbing his words nodded.

“When did you get to know him so well anyway?” she queried. 

“I make sure I know all my friends Carrie” was all he said as he got to his feet and walked away- he had said very few words- but they spoke absolute volumes to Carrie. 

“Thanks Saul” she whispered, suddenly overwhelmed with emotion for both of her friends. She sighed and got out her phone to tap out a text to her sister, already fairly certain that she would agree to watch Frannie for her in the circumstances. Her sister replied immediately agreeing, and she smiled as she text Quinn to confirm their drinks. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Max knew the outcome the minute he saw Quinn step back into the Ops room. He looked calmer than he had seen him for weeks, Max sighed and rested his head in his hands- he suddenly had an overwhelming sense of doom as he realised that this was the beginning of something new- or a return to something old, he was sure, but he knew with absolute certainty that Quinn was going to be returning to a war zone and soon. He just hoped that wherever he was going Max would be able to help him.

“Congratulations” he commented drily and Quinn grinned.

“Thanks Max” the special ops agent responded genuinely. 

“When do you go to Damascus?” Max asked, correctly guessing exactly what deployment awaited his friend.

“You are stuck with me for another week Max- next Friday is the planned start” he told him, completely unsurprised that Max had guessed where he was headed given that the two men had been working on that exact location as part of their intelligence gathering during Quinn’s recovery. 

“Who is going with you?” Max asked, giving his friend his full attention. 

“One other” Quinn stated. “In fact that reminds me- I need to go and meet someone, I’ll see you tomorrow Max” Quinn stated getting to his feet and pulling on his jacket. Max noticed the side arm ever present in the holster at his friend’s waist and shuddered slightly at the return to normality that was upon them. They had come so close to losing the quiet man that it had made him realise how much he meant to them all- if only Quinn would also realise how much they cared. 

“You want me to come with you?’ he offered.

“Na I’m good Max but thanks” he replied with a small smile. He didn’t understand why these people seemed so concerned about him. They actually seemed to care and it seemed very strange- alien to him in fact. They checked up on him and caught him when he fell, he had never had that before. He hesitated before stepping out of the office.

“Don’t worry Max- I really am fine” he told him, his eyes locked on those of his friend and his voice sincere. Max nodded, accepting the sentiment whether he believed it or not. “But thanks for caring” Quinn added softly, looking away and stepping away.

Max shook his head as he left- he hadn’t had the best upbringing himself, but he had always been safe and always had Virgil to look out for him. He didn’t understand how somebody could be so incapable of believing that they deserved love and care, especially someone as selfless and brave as Peter Quinn. He felt a wave of sadness as he thought of the young man alone in the world with no one to care if he lived or died- but those times were gone- he just needed to make sure that Quinn knew that.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“So you’re back huh?” Rob stated with a smile as he raised his bottle of beer to his colleague.

“Yep- well and truly” Quinn replied with a grin and an answering gesture. Rob already knew the strict guidelines for Quinn’s return to active duty- Dar had fully briefed him on the limitations he had placed on him to make sure he didn’t rush back too quickly. 

“Pleased to hear it man” Rob commented, and he genuinely was, he had come to rely on the taller man over the years and didn’t like the thought of any mission without him by his side. 

“You and me both” Quinn stated honestly. He would never verbalise exactly how much had ridden on him being able to return to active duty, but he knew that Rob did understand without him needing to. 

“So Damascus hey? Heard its lovely this time of year” Rob stated with a smile, his voice low to avoid being overhead.

“You fancy finding out?” Quinn asked, slugging his beer as he spoke. Rob grinned as he nodded.

“Thought you’d never ask” he replied, gesturing to the barman for another two beers. Quinn smiled, him and Rob were a good team. They worked differently to each other, but they balanced each other out. Rob was the team leader- yet Quinn was treated as the senior operative, his planning and surveillance skills invaluable to the agency over the years. Neither man cared who was senior to who- they worked as a pair, senior agents in a team of highly trained men, and they were damn good at it.

The two men sat and drank- chatting about sport and women and other things unrelated to war and killing- two guys on a Friday afternoon just chilling out, and for once Quinn felt relaxed and at ease as everything began to slot into place. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Quinn was bang on time as usual as he rang the bell at Maggie’s house. Carrie opened the door- dressed down in jeans and a sheer top.

“Hey” she greeted him, casting her inhibitions aside and reaching up on tip toes ti gently kiss him on the lips. He responded immediately, and placed his hand on her cheek. 

“Hey” he replied with a grin.

“Did you start without me?” she asked with a smile as she smelt the beer on his breath.

“Me and Rob went for a couple” he told her with a shrug and she grinned, guessing that Rob was going to be part of Quinn’s imminent mission and feeling slightly relieved that he wouldn’t be alone but in fact with a good man that would take good care of him. 

“Good- now where are we going?”

“I just thought Henry’s? Grab ourselves a booth and just have a few drinks” he suggested and she nodded, glad that he clearly planned a similar night to the one she had in mind. 

The two walked hand in hand- an intimacy that Quinn couldn’t recall ever sharing with anyone existing between them. It felt natural and right to both of them, and it scared him to death. He knew he could be throwing this all away by going back overseas- willingly risking his life, walking away from what could be a settled future. In his heart of hearts he knew that wasn’t how he was destined to live- he could never fully step away from the semi dark existence that he had lived in for as long as he could remember. He couldn’t imagine living a life where he wasn’t chasing after terrorists or assassinating enemies of national security, he had always thought he could, but his recent brush in Islamabad and then Syria just confirmed that it ran through him as sure as his blood did. He just didn’t know how that could fit with this new thing that was developing with Carrie. He sighed as he was lost in thought.

“Hey you ok?” Carrie asked him, squeezing his forearm with her spare hand as she sensed his distraction.

“Yeah sorry- I’m fine” he told her, looking at her soft features. When he had first met her he had never thought she would look at him with such love in her eyes, and such care in every touch. He turned his attention back to their walk and held the door of the bar open as they arrived at their destination. He walked to the back and managed to grab the booth he had wanted, making sure Carrie was settled he headed to the bar and ordered drinks for them both, rejoining her within minutes.

“So” she stated with a sad smile. “Where do we go from here?” she asked, sipping at her wine. Quinn sighed and leaned forward on the table.

“I really don’t know Carrie” he told her. “I don’t know what this is, or where it is heading, or if its compatible with everything else- but I know I would like to find out” he told her honestly. He looked at her face, his blue eyes locked on hers as he showed his soul to her like he had never done to anybody else. Carrie returned the glance, his words hitting her right in the heart. She loved him, she knew she loved him more than she had ever loved anybody in her life- but could she commit to a relationship with somebody who may head to a warzone and never make it back? She sighed- she was fooling herself- it made no difference whether they were ‘together’ or not she would still worry sick about where he was.

“I love you Quinn” she told him instead, her words answering none of his comments, yet answering all of them at the same time. Quinn smiled, and leaned forward to kiss her- their hearts beating in perfect line with each other as their lips met and it was as if all the rest of the world and all of the obstacles disappeared. 

End Chapter Twenty Nine.


	30. When Its Time to Live and Let Die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is it- we have reached the end of this mammoth story.   
> I just want to take a moment to thank all of you lovely guys for the fantastic support you have shown, the comments that you have left and the amazing feedback!  
> I hope you have managed to stay with me and I haven't bored you all to death with how long this story was- but it ended where I wanted I to and where I imagined from the start!
> 
> I have a sequel planned that continues on from this one- and I really hope that there is an appetite for it! Until then happy new year to you all- thank you for your welcome and I really hope you enjoy xx

Chapter Thirty

Quinn tied his boot laces tightly, pulling his black jeans over the laces- gun and holster hidden by the denim. His second firearm holstered at the waist covered by his jacket. 

He was officially back on group- a black ops agent, an elite operative- exactly what he was destined to do and who he was fated to be. He had a mere two days before his deployment, and he was due at briefing in less than an hour- the final pieces being slotted into place.

He knew that he would have tasks to do after the briefing and he was fairly certain that most of his time would be taken up with the last bits of planning, so he finished packing away his belongings- which didn’t take long. It was a routine he followed with every new mission- he hadn’t stayed in any one place for any longer than six months at any point since he was fifteen years old. He had no idea how long it would be before he was back in Washington for any length of time, so there was no point in maintaining the lease. 

He slung his black Bergen over his shoulder and headed out, pulling the door shut behind him. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“So no air support and no ground teams?” Quinn asked, unsurprised by the update.

“That’s right- the nearest team will be Islamabad Peter- even the embassy at Damascus won’t know that you are there, we don’t know who we can trust here” 

“I have my own contacts” Quinn stated firmly, there was no way he would be going anywhere near Islamabad for assistance- he shuddered at the very thought of that place. Dar nodded, deciding not to dwell on that comment. 

“What’s in place?” Rob asked as he looked at the map. 

“There are two CIA safe houses here and here” Dar told them as he pointed at the map. “Latest intelligence has proven that they are secure. Each have two bedrooms and are suitable for the tasks” he continued. Both men nodded as they listened in. “We have three assets for you to make contact with, they have vital intelligence to help us in locating the target” he finished. 

“What timescales are we working towards?” Rob asked.

“If current intelligence is accurate in approximately three weeks time target zulu will be visiting family somewhere within Damascus- we need to know who, when and where. We need to be in a position for a snatch and grab” Dar stated.

“Tight” Quinn commented as he worked out it gave them two weeks of operational time to pull everything together. 

“But possible” Rob added with a pointed glance at Quinn. The taller man nodded. The three settled back to finalise the finer details and their meeting went on into the night.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

“Read me in Saul” Carrie demanded quietly.

“You know I can’t Carrie”

“But why not? My clearance is high enough, it’s my area of specialism and I have a vested interest” she reasoned. 

“It’s the fact that there is vested interest that worries me” Saul stated gravely.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“I don’t want you getting so focussed on one thing that you forget everything else” he told her frankly. “I am not sure its healthy” he warned. 

“Dar doesn’t want me on it does he?” she queried, she just felt that if she could have some involvement in Quinn’s mission that she would feel closer to him, and know that he was safe.

“There is very little US based input into this mission Carrie” he told her. “I just don’t want you getting obsessed with this” he added, genuinely concerned that his now healthy friend would make herself regress back to the mess that she had got herself into when she was obsessed with Brody. 

“I love him Saul” she told him, her voice soft and so full of emotion that he almost felt his heart break. 

“I know you do- and that’s why it might not be a good idea Carrie- why torture yourself if things don’t go to plan?” he told her.

“I have to know what’s going on or its going to drive me crazy” she pleaded, and he sighed- knowing that there was no talking her out of it. 

“I will talk to Dar, and to Quinn of course- but I can’t promise anything” he informed her. She nodded and smiled, grateful for him even trying. 

“Thank you” she stated simply, before getting to her feet and heading back to her own work space. She had less than two days until Quinn was due to fly out and she had no idea when she would next see him. 

Every time she thought about it the image of him laid in that hospital bed with no idea if he would live or die just swum in her mind. She reflected on the time when they didn’t know where he was or how they were going to get him home- but that he was seriously injured. She closed her eyes as the thoughts invaded her mind, she just didn’t know if she could go through all of that again. She had to know what was happening and she had to know he was safe, or heaven forbid if he was injured make sure she could help to get him home. She knew it was irrational- he had been in this game even longer than she had, had deployed all over the world with no issues, taken down some of the most dangerous people that could ever be imagined. He was the most capable man she had ever known, able to make a decision in a split second, build explosives or make a crack shot at a moments notice- but he was still human, still as breakable as everybody else. She just needed him to remember that, and not throw himself head first into high risk situations. 

She hoped that Saul could convince Dar and probably, less likely, Quinn to at least read her in on the mission so she could get updates. She sat back and turned her attention to her own case load- although she had to admit even to herself that she was distracted and barely absorbing any information. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Quinn and Rob ran side by side on the treadmills, final preparations well under way for the deployment and each taking the chance for the last work out before they were forced to pack their things. Each man was sweating and breathing heavily, lost in their own thoughts as their feet pounded on the belts. They knew the timings and they knew what they had to do- they also knew that they would be on their own- but they had such shared trust that in some ways it was how they preferred it. 

Rob was fully aware that Quinn was the lead for the op- his area of specialism wasn’t really surveillance or running assets, but Quinn excelled in that world. He would support his friend and keep them both safe and hopefully out of trouble ready to return to the states within a couple of weeks to plan the ultimate mission. 

Half an hour later and both men were spent. Quinn could feel a painful twinge in his knee and rubbed it before carefully stepping from the machine. He leaned against the safety bar as he drank from his water bottle. Rob watched him carefully- the recovering man had worked hard over the last few weeks to get himself fit for duty, but Rob could see he was still struggling with headaches and leg pain. He just hoped he wasn’t pushing his friend too far. 

“You good?” Rob asked carefully as he drank his own water. 

“I’m good” Quinn responded quickly. 

“All set for tomorrow?” he asked, knowing that Quinn had little by the way of personal possessions and moved around at such a rate that it took very little for him to be ready.

“Yep- all packed and ready to go. Are the supplies ready for collection?” Quinn responded wiping the sweat from his face.

“Supplies will be in the hangar” Rob responded. “You seeing your lady tonight to bid farewell?” he asked with a sly grin. Quinn sighed and rolled his eyes. 

“You mean Carrie?” he asked and Rob rolled his own eyes at the ridiculous question. “I don’t know- I mean we go tomorrow, maybe I should just leave her to some peace” Quinn stated as he sat down. 

“For someone so bright- you really can be fucking stupid man” Rob reprimanded him. “Do you really think she would have gone to the end of the earth to get us all home safely if she didn’t worship the ground that you walked on? Now you listen to me Peter for some strange completely unexplainable reason that woman loves you- now since you are incredibly unlikely to ever find someone else that is as strangely attracted to you as she is you need to make sure you do right by her. Now go and get showered and then drag your sorry ass to her place and make sure that she knows that you love her too” Rob told his friend, showing a rare display of seriousness and speaking common sense. Quinn sighed, caught off guard by the unexpected advice from an unexpected source. He finally nodded, got to his feet and turned to his friend. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow” he stated before he headed out to do exactly as Rob had just suggested.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Carrie was startled by a knock on the door- she had just made it back downstairs from tucking Frannie in and had been planning on drowning her sorrows in a bottle of wine with her sister. 

She opened the door shocked to see Peter Quinn stood there looking back at her. 

“Can I come in?” he asked softly, she noticed straight away that he looked tired, she simply pushed the door open wide so he could come in, and closed it behind him. She headed straight into the kitchen and took out a second glass- pouring wine into each and handing one straight to him. 

“I didn’t think I would see you tonight” she commented as she headed into the lounge.

“I didn’t either” he replied honestly. He sat down beside her and just looked at her. 

“I have asked Saul to convince you and Dar to let me be read in on the mission” she told him quickly, and he looked away and closed his eyes. 

“What did he say?” he asked.

“That it would be up to you guys to decide” she replied.

“I don’t know if it’s a good idea” he stated. “If it goes wrong maybe you don’t need to hear that” he added carefully.

“I would rather hear it and know what was going on than be left wondering” she told him, keeping her tone reasonable and light. 

“I am not sure Dar will go for it” he argued slightly.

“He will if you tell him it’s ok” she told him, as she truly believed that was the case. He sighed before nodding.

“Fine- but you have to promise me that you won’t interfere and you won’t go all crazy if you get news you don’t like” he warned her gently. 

“I won’t- I just need to know. Things end badly when I don’t know Quinn” she told him, grateful with every fibre of her being that the man beside her understood her completely irrational streak. 

“Ok, ok- I’ll speak to Dar” he told her, brushing her hair back from her face. 

“Thank you” she stated and she meant it. “Maggie is on the way back with pizzas- do you want to go out or stay here?” she asked him, unsure. 

“Just stay here if that’s ok with Maggie” he replied.

“She won’t mind, in fact she will be delighted- she is fairly smitten with you Quinn” Carrie told him, nudging him in the ribs. He grinned lightly.

“She’s a lovely lady” he told her quietly, grateful for the care and compassion she had shown him during the short amount of time they had known each other. 

“Have you handed in the keys to your place?” she asked him as if suddenly remembering his habit of moving around. 

“Yep- I’ll find somewhere new when I get back” he told her, sipping his wine. 

“Where’s all your stuff?” she asked, unsure how his system worked.

“In the trunk” he told her. “Why?”

“Well why don’t you leave it here? Maggie won’t mind” she offered, he looked at her in confusion. “Then I know you will be coming home to me” she stated her voice croaking as she was beaten by her emotions. He pulled her closer, planting a gentle kiss on her forehead.

“I don’t need to leave my stuff here to confirm I am coming home to you” he told her gently. “You don’t have to wait for me Carrie” he reassured her. “You have Frannie and a life of your own- I don’t want you to put that on hold when I can’t guarantee when I will make it back” he told her, choosing his words carefully. He didn’t speak the words ‘if at all’ yet they both knew that was also what he meant

“My life isn’t on hold Quinn- and like hell you will get rid of me that easily” she added, her voice steely and leaving no room for argument. She was saved from further comment by the sound of the front door opening. 

“Hey Carrie- who’s truck is that on the drive?” she asked as she stepped into the lounge laden with food and stopped in surprise as she saw Quinn sat there. She grinned widely in relief. “Oh hi Peter! Are you staying for dinner?” she asked.

“Hey Maggie- I don’t want to impose” he replied.

“Don’t be so silly- at least this way we can stop worrying that you haven’t eaten” she said with a small smile. She gestured at Carrie to drag the table over, and placed the boxes on them, grabbing some paper towel for each of them. She headed into the kitchen and poured herself a drink- topping up the other glasses as she did so. 

She sat down on the sofa and smiled at how comfortable her sister was with the man beside her. She took a slice of pizza and flicked the TV on, and within minutes the three of them were eating, drinking and laughing. None of them could remember feeling so relaxed for quite some time, and Maggie had never seen her sister behave like this with a man and she couldn’t help but feel a little sad. The two were obviously made for each other- but also destined to spend their entire lives fighting to live, she just hoped her sister could cope with it. She was no fool, she knew that Peter was due to be deployed the following day- way too soon as far as she was concerned, and she had a medical degree to support that opinion. 

Some time later Maggie glanced at her watch as the second film came to an end- shocked to see that it was nearly midnight.

“Peter I hope you intend on staying here” she told him as she got to her feet. He looked at her in shock. “It wasn’t a question” she added with a grin, clearing up the empty boxes and heading into the kitchen. She leaned on the counter and breathed in deeply as she considered the fact that the man that had come to mean so much to her was off to war the very next day- god alone knew how he could so willingly do it and heaven knew how Carrie was even coping with this thought. 

“Hey you ok?” a soft voice asked behind her and she was surprised to see the object of her thought stood behind her loading dirty glasses into her dishwasher.

“Thank you Peter” she stated and he looked at her in confusion. “Thank you for coming to her tonight- she needed to know that you meant it” she told him, and his eyes softened.

“I meant everything- and she means everything to me” he told her quietly, and she knew without doubt that he was speaking the truth. 

“You get yourself killed over there and I swear to god you will have me to deal with Peter” she warned him, and shocked herself by the tears that were rising in her throat as she spoke. Quinn couldn’t help himself he stepped forward and pulled her into his embrace. 

“I will do everything in my power to be right back here to annoy the shit out of her every day” he told her, deliberately keeping his tone and words light. She laughed against his chest, and squeezed him back.

“You’d better” she stated, flicking the switch to set the dishwasher going, and turning to head to her own bed for the night. “Night Peter” she whispered. He smiled lightly, all of this was so new and unfamiliar to him that he didn’t fully know how to deal with it.

“So you staying?” Carrie asked as she walked in behind him. 

“Not sure I have a choice” he replied with a grin. “Thanks Carrie- goodnight” he whispered as he stepped close to her and kissed her on the lips, his hand cupping the back of her head and his other hand resting on her waist. She kissed him back, lost in the passion and love of his embrace and wished that he would never let her go. After a moment or so Quinn began to soften the kiss, gently pulling away and resting his forehead against hers. He then pecked her lightly on the lips before letting go of her.

“Goodnight Quinn” she replied as he walked away towards the spare room that had briefly been his home. She watched him walk and felt her heart leap. She stayed there for a moment before heading off to her own bed, as she laid down wishing that he was laid beside her.

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

Quinn woke up bright and early, and got showered and dressed quickly. He made his way into the kitchen surprised to find Maggie cooking up a storm. 

“Morning” he greeted her as she handed him a freshly brewed coffee.

“Morning Peter” she replied. “How do you like your eggs?” she asked him with a grin.

“Scrambled- but you don’t have to cook me breakfast Maggie” he told her with a smile in return. 

“Well if you would prefer Carrie to cook I’ll give her a shout?” Maggie teased and Quinn laughed out loud at the comment.

“Scrambled would be great thanks Maggie” he told her with a smile. She nodded as she turned her attention back to the stove. He sat in silence as he ran through the day’s plans in his head.

“What time do you head out?” she asked him, suspecting he wouldn’t give her the true answer.

“Not until later” he replied vaguely, knowing that she would realise he couldn’t tell her details. 

“Will Carrie be able to see you off?” she asked.

“No- but I should only be gone a couple of weeks so she will be grateful of the break” he replied over his coffee mug. Maggie snorted.

“Now we both know that’s not true Peter” she chastised him. 

“Am I interrupting something?” Carrie asked as she and Frannie stepped into the kitchen. 

“Nope-pull up a chair” Maggie told her and within five minutes the four of them were eating their breakfasts together like any other family.

“That was amazing thank you Maggie” Quinn commented as he cleared his plate- surprising both ladies. “I don’t mean to eat and run, but I really need to get going” he stated as he got to his feet. “Thank you for letting me stay, and for the food- I’ll repay the favour when I get home” he told Maggie as he grinned at her. She smiled, glad for the words.

“I will hold you to that Peter- be safe” she told him, blinking back the tears. He nodded, before ruffling Frannie’s hair and pulling a silly face at her as their own personal farewell. 

Carrie followed him to the door and noticed he had slung a small bag over his shoulder and grabbed his jacket.

“Will I see you before you go?” she asked him, trying not to sound needy.

“No- I need to get my shit together Carrie and get ready” he told her, and he knew that she would be able to interpret what he meant without him saying that he needed to get his head clear. 

“Please be safe Quinn” she told him.

“I’ll see you in a couple of weeks Carrie” he told her, leaning forward and kissing her, holding her as tight as he dared and hating having to let go. He walked to his car without looking back- knowing it would break him if he did. Carrie closed the door without watching him drive away. She stepped into the spare room and smiled as she saw that he had left his bag of belongings behind- his own way of telling her that he would return to her. 

CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA-CIA

The two men walked side by side, each wearing black cargo trousers and black crew neck t-shirts. They were each getting into their own mind sets, weapons were primed and ready, and within minutes they would be aboard the plane and in the air towards Turkey, ready to make their own way across the border.

Dar stood in the doorway waiting for them.

“You all set guys?” he asked them with his arms folded across his chest looking at them closely.

“Yep” Rob replied for both of them.

“Peter can I have a word a moment?” Dar as he guided the younger man away with a nod at Rob. Peter followed as he always did. “Carrie has been speaking to Saul and wants briefing up on the mission, what are your thoughts?” Dar asked him softly.

“It is safer for all of us if you let her. If she’s involved officially then she is less likely to be a thorn in your side” Quinn replied with a rueful smile. Dar couldn’t help the grin that escaped him at the comment.

“Fair point” he replied. “I will read her in personally once I have confirmation that you are on your way” he assured him and Quinn nodded. “Now you check in at 0700hrs sharp Peter” he instructed, and gently squeezed the younger man’s shoulder. He had deployed him hundreds of times- sometimes seeing him off personally, sometimes not- but somehow this felt different. Maybe it was because of how close to losing him they had come, but he felt a strange sense of separation at the thought of his protégé deploying. 

“I will do Dar” Peter stated, “anything else?” he asked, confused by Dar’s behaviour.

“No- see you in a couple of weeks” Dar told him, clapping him again on the shoulder and walking away. Quinn turned on his heals and walked back to Rob.

“What was that all about?” Rob asked as he watched Dar leave.

“I have no idea” Quinn responded. “We have thirty minutes, lets double check the kit” he suggested and the two moved over to the stack of kit further back in the hangar. The two men worked in silence, well practiced hands dismantling and cleaning weapons before putting them back together as naturally as others tied their shoelaces. 

“We’re ready for this” Rob stated as he slipped the clip back into his side arm. 

“We were born ready” Quinn responded with a grin. The two men grabbed their bags and having each grabbed their kit bags they walked out of the hangar and up the steps onto the agency plane. Bags safely stowed above them they sat down with the aisle between them and fastened their belts. 

They watched the sequence of lights and exchanged a glance, no need for further conversation as within minutes they were taxiing down the runway and heading off, back to the place they had left only two months earlier- each hoping that they would make it back, but willing to take the risk regardless. That was what they did.

 

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that is it! All done and dusted!
> 
> Below are the Lyrics that gave me the original idea for this story! It is still one of my all time running songs- words below very much belong to Greenday, but they make me think of Quinn every Time I hear it!
> 
>  
> 
> Do you know what's worth fighting for  
> When it's not worth dying for?  
> Does it take your breath away  
> And you feel yourself suffocating?  
> Does the pain weigh out the pride?  
> And you look for a place to hide?  
> Did someone break your heart inside?  
> You're in ruins  
> One, twenty one guns  
> Lay down your arms  
> Give up the fight  
> One, twenty one guns  
> Throw up your arms into the sky,  
> You and I  
> When you're at the end of the road  
> And you lost all sense of control  
> And your thoughts have taken their toll  
> When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul  
> Your faith walks on broken glass  
> And the hangover doesn't pass  
> Nothing's ever built to last  
> You're in ruins  
> One, twenty one guns  
> Lay down your arms  
> Give up the fight  
> One, twenty one guns  
> Throw up your arms into the sky,  
> You and I  
> Did you try to live on your own  
> When you burned down the house and home?  
> Did you stand too close to the fire?  
> Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone  
> When it's time to live and let die  
> And you can't get another try  
> Something inside this heart has died  
> You're in ruins  
> One, twenty one guns  
> Lay down your arms  
> Give up the fight  
> One, twenty one guns  
> Throw up your arms into the sky,  
> One, twenty one guns  
> Lay down your arms  
> Give up the fight  
> One, twenty one guns  
> Throw up your arms into the sky,  
> You and I


End file.
